


Beekeeping in the Daylight

by halictus



Series: Beekeeping [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Baby Harry Potter, Beekeeper Remus, Beekeeping, Desi Harry Potter, Desi James Potter, Found Family, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, M/M, Minor Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, conquering fears, good friend group
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 07:20:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 50,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26469331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halictus/pseuds/halictus
Summary: Sirius is helping James and Lily conquer as many of their irrational fears as possible before they have their baby, in order to not pass on their fears. One day, Sirius takes a panic-stricken James to a friendly (and handsome) beekeeper. Slow burn, strangers to friends to lovers.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Beekeeping [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2050917
Comments: 139
Kudos: 226





	1. Buzzing Bees, Sleepy Snakes, and other Deep Dark Fears

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr! Here is a link: [@halictus-writer](https://halictus-writer.tumblr.com)

Remus let out a deep exhale as the low buzzing sound washed over him. It wasn’t loud so much as it was all-encompassing, like high-quality surround sound in a movie theatre. The bees’ steady hum became all he could hear, and he relaxed into it. Adrenaline was flowing freely through his body, as it would for any sane person when thousands of honeybees are flying around you, trying to defend their home from any foreign invader. But the unique experience always felt calming to Remus, and it was part of the reason he loved it so much.

He gently lifted one of the frames from the box, checking for general well-being and the presence of any Varroa mites. The mites haven’t been much of a concern this season, but last year one of his hives got infested and he spent way more time than he would like tossing handfuls of bees into glass jars, coating them with powdered sugar, and shaking the poor creatures. Neither the bees nor Remus enjoyed this procedure, but it was an effective way of sampling for mites in other hives without killing any bees.

Remus’s hands were bare. He preferred to work without gloves, since fine motor skills were often required, and he was generally careful enough to not offend any singular bee enough to sting him. He had a beekeeper’s jacket and hood on, however, since he preferred to protect his face from unnecessary risks, no matter how friendly his bees were. Satisfied with the view on the frame, he slid it back into the box, coaxing the occasional bee out of the way with a little “excuse me,” or “ma’am, I am going to have to ask you to move.” He didn’t know if the bees liked his voice or not. Remus knew that bees were not dogs, or children, but he loved the little critters, and found that talking to them came naturally to him.

Once the lid on this particular bee box was back in place, he checked his watch. He had about ten minutes until his visitors arrived. Remus’s little farm and apiculture business hosted a variety of events, mostly school field trips, or the occasional professional development meeting, where a team of white-collar accountant-types would use the company card to have Remus give a tour and then wrap up their day feeling good about their “team bonding” and “improved work-flow” come next Monday. 

Today’s visitors were a little unusual. The man who booked the time said he was helping his friend get over his fear of bees, and that Remus could just do what he does for his average middle school field trip. Aside from knowing that both visitors were over the age of eighteen (Remus had had to ask to ensure they would be able to sign their own waivers on site), Remus didn’t know what to expect. He removed his jacket and hood, washed his hands, and took a large sip of the iced coffee he had left on the counter earlier. Remus yawned. The adrenaline rush from working with bees always left him a little tired.

When a blue Prius car rolled down his gravel driveway, Remus stepped outside to meet his presumed visitors. Out of the driver’s side stepped a tall man with square glasses, brown skin, and unruly dark hair - perhaps Desi, Remus thought. Out of the passenger’s side stepped a slightly shorter man, with shoulder-length black hair pulled back into a braid. He had well-defined cheekbones and facial structure, with thin slate-gray eyes. 

“Hi, welcome to the Bee Farm! I’m Remus, you folks must be here for the 11-o’clock reservation?” He had started using the word  _ folks _ in an effort to ditch the phrase  _ you guys _ when talking to groups of students, and found that it stuck. 

The shorter man stepped forward with a warm smile. “Hi, I’m Sirius. I think we spoke on the phone.”

Remus nodded; his voice sounded familiar. They shook hands.

The other man looked a little apprehensive, before he stepped forward and spoke up as well. “And I’m James Potter, nice to meet you.” Remus shook his hand as well.

“Well,” Remus started, “again, welcome to the farm. I think Sirius said that our goal for today would be getting you more comfortable with bees, James. I just want to make it really clear from the start that no one is going to pressure you to do anything you absolutely don’t want to do, and I’m not going to put you in harm’s way. Although, if we work together hopefully we’ll be able to push you a tiny bit outside of your comfort zone.”

James visibly relaxed, and Remus smiled. 

“That sounds good,” James said.

“Alright, then let’s get inside and sign some waivers, and we can talk more about your expectations for this visit.” Remus led them inside to the large kitchen island, where he had already placed waivers and pens in front of two of the stools. As they walked inside, Sirius clapped James on the back encouragingly, and Remus found the supportive gesture very endearing.

The waiver was very straight-forward. It merely stated that the participants agreed to not sue Remus’s farm if they get stung by a bee, or trip and fall down on the premises. He hadn’t added that last part in until a teacher suggested he included something extra before some accident-prone field trip chaperone/soccer-mom character rolls an ankle and decides to cash in. 

“Okay, so when I spoke to Sirius on the phone he suggested I go through a normal routine that I would for a school field trip, which I am happy to do, but first, I think I’d like to hear you explain what you are here for, James.”

“Good plan, good plan,” James said, still looking a bit nervous. “Sirius, do you have the list?”

“Sure do,” Sirius said, as he unrolled a lined sheet of paper bearing bold Sharpie letters at the top that read:  _ The Fear Conquerors’ Bucket List. _

“This idea started a month ago,” James began. “Basically, my girlfriend Lily is six months pregnant, and we’re super excited to raise our first child together.” His face lit up with joy.

“Oh, wow, congratulations!” Remus said, not yet sure of how this connected to the man’s fear of bees.

“Stay on track, Jamie-boy,” Sirius prompted.

“Right. Basically, we realized that when combined, we have a lot of irrational fears, and we don’t want to pass those on to our child. One of mine is bees, which I know isn’t logical, since bees don’t want to sting me, and they’re super important for growing food, but still.” He paused to take a slightly-uneven breath. “I kind of freak out whenever a bee comes near me, and I don’t want to make my baby afraid of something unnecessary just because I am.”

Remus was surprised, and nodded appreciatively. “That’s really thoughtful and sweet of you. I can already tell you will be a very good parent.” 

James broke out into a grin. “Only three months away!”

Sirius poked James in the side before drawing attention back to the list. “We’re going to conquer all of our irrational fears before the baby is born; we’ve already done some of them.”

Remus read over the list, and quickly realized that the color-coded paper contained lines for Lily and James, but also Sirius himself. “You’re on the list too?” Remus questioned, looking at Sirius.

“He’s going to be the godfather,” James said proudly, slinging his arm around Sirius’s shoulders.

“Hopefully a good one.” Sirius said in a small voice. 

“You will be,” James reassured. “I know it.”

There was a brief pause, and Remus almost felt like he was intruding on a personal moment between the pair. Eventually though, Sirius broke it with a grin. “I will be once I conquer my last fear: the dark,” he declared, pointing at the list.

Remus’s eyebrows raised in minute surprise. He himself had issues with being alone in the dark. But his issue was more linked with being outside and in the dark. Remus’s six-year-old self gave a brief shudder before he regained his composure. 

“Alright,” Remus started again, “I’m happy to be able to help you with one of these fears, James. I hope we’ll get to conquer it today. I’d like to start slow, and show you both some tools and equipment that a beekeeper uses, and tell you a bit more about how cool I think honeybees are. Finally, we can suit up and get a closer look at some of the hives.”

Sirius nodded, and James merely swallowed, his dark skin suddenly looking almost as pale as his friend.

“No real bees for a little while though, remember,” Remus assured. “And when we get there, you’ll be totally protected in a full suit with a face cover and everything.”

***

Remus led them to the large outside porch, where shelving housed the gear he showed visitors. 

“Now, normally I would ask students to sit cross-legged on the porch right here, but since there are only two of you, and you’re both adults–”

He stopped talking as Sirius promptly sat right in front of him, crossed-legs and all. Remus was about to gesture towards the chairs in the back he usually offered teachers, but Sirius pulled at James’s hand until he was sitting right next to his friend. 

“Just act like we’re your students!” Sirius said excitedly. “I want to learn more about bees, I wish I could have gone on a field trip like this during school.” 

Remus turned to busy himself with the gear and to hide his smile. Sometimes, older students would be aloof and not participate, thinking they were too cool for the field trip. Remus was glad that the two men who were exactly his own age (they had both written twenty-four on their waivers) were eager and ready to hear him speak. Or, at least one of them was. The other looked like he was still trying to not pass out, but hopefully he would get over that soon.

In the middle of reaching for his first item to show, Remus stopped and turned back around to the other men. He suddenly felt out-of-place, since he wasn’t giving a speech to kids. “Okay, so I have like a whole spiel I would use for kids, but when adults visit they usually just want me to show them the bees and then let them spend the rest of the time talking about work and team bonding or something. I don’t know, I don’t want to bore you or anything?” His tone rose at the end, as the statement turned into a question. 

Sirius merely smiled. “No, it’s okay. Just do what you would do for kids.”

“It’s not like you’re any more mature than school children anyway,” James seemed to get some color back in his cheeks as he poked Sirius.

“It takes one to know one!” Sirius declared. When Remus gave a curious look Sirius elaborated. “Oh! I didn’t tell you this yet, but I am studying to be a teacher. Hopefully Kindergarten.”    


“Oh that’s awesome!” Remus said. “So then you’ll recognize all the little teaching tips I’ve tried to steal over the years. If I ask you guys a bunch of easy questions about what you may already know about bees would that be okay?”

“Inquiry-based learning!” Sirius announced, “of course that would be okay. Plus, James and I are pretty competitive, so I’m excited to beat him to the answers”

“You’re on,” James quickly added.

Remus laughed, “Okay, great. So my first question is always: where do people live?”

Sirius immediately answered, “cities.” 

James laughed and said “he means houses, you idiot, not cities.”

Sirius looked slightly embarrassed and offered a small, “oh, right.” 

Remus continued. “And where do bees live?”

“Hives,” James answered, at the same time Sirius said “inside James’s pillowcase.”

Remus observed, amused, as the two men briefly wrestled from their cross-legged position on the porch, with little interjections of insults. He wondered if this banter was a part of their everyday friendship, and briefly wanted to know what it would be like to have such a strong connection with another person like that.

“Okay, Sirius, stop, you’re making my headache worse.” Sirius immediately froze, one hand still on James’s head, mid-hair-ruffling. 

“You have a headache? Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine, you berk, let Remus continue.” Remus noted the concern in Sirius’s eyes for his friend, and felt another quick wave of loneliness.

Remus handed over the wooden box, painted a bright teal color. As Sirius and James looked at it, he told them that this box was an example of a home for honeybees. “Wild honeybees may make their nests in places such as hollow trees, or holes in the exteriors of old buildings, but farmed bees live in boxes tended by a beekeeper,” he explained.

“Why is this one blue?” Sirius asked. “I think the bee boxes I’ve seen have always been white.”

“Well, the important part is that they’re painted at all, to help protect the outside of the wood. The bees don’t really mind what color it is, although lighter colors are probably easier for them to find. I paint mine all the different colors of the rainbow,” Remus paused for a second, wondering if the men have guessed his sexuality by now, or if they would judge, before adding “but I mix the darker colors with a lot of white, to make them all easy to spot in a bee’s view.”

“I like that,” Sirius said with a small smile.

“If I were a bee I would want to live in an orange house,” James declared.

“Bullshit, you would live in purple.” Sirius responded.

James narrowed his eyes. “I was going to say that you could live in the orange house with me, but fine. You can live in a pink house, by yourself.”

“Pink is a superior color anyway. Also my house declared war on your house.” Sirius looked up at Remus and asked, “Do bees do that?”

“Declare war on each other’s hives?” Remus clarified. “Sometimes one hive will rob the stored honey from another hive.”

“Badass.” Sirius declared.

“Okay, what’s this?” Remus handed James a spray bottle.

“Water?” James guessed.

“Close!” Remus answered. “It’s sugar water. When I want to calm the bees down or make them clump up, I can spray some of that on them. It doesn’t hurt them, and they basically just stop flying around and start licking the sugar off of each other.”

Sirius made a joke about bee orgies, and James smacked him with the bottle.

Remus tried not to laugh as he held up the next item. “What about this?”

“Wait, beekeepers actually use those?” Sirius asked. “I’ve seen them in movies and stuff but I assumed that was like an old-fashioned version or something.” 

“We do use them!” Remus handed the metal bee smoker to Sirius, who gave the bellows a few experimental squeezes before giving it to James. “Smoke doesn’t harm the bees, but it calms them down, and encourages them to eat. It helps distract them from the fact that you are breaking into their home, essentially.”

“That’s pretty cool,” James allowed. Remus was glad he was engaged in the conversation and didn’t look too scared at the moment.

After showing a brush and the frames and wire that fit into the bee box, Remus got out the bee suits. Once they were all suited up, it was time to walk over to look at the bees. They would start small, Remus thought, and let James get acclimated to the feeling of bees flying nearby while he was fully protected by the suit.

As they walked through the kitchen again to get to the back porch, Remus heard James quietly ask Sirius if he was also feeling kind of trapped by his suit. Sirius laughed and put an arm around his shoulder, before joking “do we need to add claustrophobia to your list, sir?” James laughed, but sounded subdued, even to Remus. 

“I think,” James said suddenly, and stopped walking. “I think, maybe I want to sit down for just a second, or, I-” his voice cut off, and he started to slump towards the floor, but Sirius caught him.

“Are you fucking with me, James?” Sirius’s voice sounded panicked. “Are you okay?”

Remus turned back to see James’s eyes were shut, and Sirius seemed to now be supporting all of his weight. 

“Shit, Remus, I think he just fainted. Oh my god. Should we set him down? I think we need to set him down.” Sirius said in a scared tone.

“Let me help you.” Together, they carried James over to the living room and set him on the couch. They took off his bee suit and then their own. 

“Oh my god, it’s his hypoglycemia!” Sirius said suddenly. 

The word sounded vaguely familiar to Remus. “Low blood sugar?” He clarified.

Sirius nodded, and began patting down his pockets, searching for something. “He hasn’t eaten anything since our early breakfast, and I thought he was just nervous about the bees but his blood sugar levels must have been getting too low for a while now.” He stopped patting his pockets. “Fuck, I don’t have any snacks on me.”

James started to wake back up, and Sirius immediately fawned over him. “Hey, it’s okay, you’re okay. You fainted but you’re gonna be fine.” 

Remus grabbed a granola bar from the adjacent pantry, and on an afterthought, a few honey sticks as well. He gave the snacks to Sirius, and then went back to the kitchen for a glass of water.

James started to sit back up, but Sirius insisted on feeding him little bits of the granola bar in a half-sitting, half-slumped-against-Sirius’s-chest position on the couch. He looked much better already, Remus thought.

Eventually, James pushed himself up into a fully-upright sitting position, and fought off Sirius’s attempts at comfort. “Sirius, I’m  _ fine _ ,” he stressed, “I promise. You’re smothering me.”

“I know, I know,” Sirius said, “but I was really worried about you.” Remus was surprised to see that Sirius’s eyes were a bit watery. As James pulled his friend into a hug, Remus walked back into the kitchen and busied himself with heating a kettle.

When the tea was ready, he returned to the living room. He quickly accessed the situation, and found that both men seemed to be doing better now, and were brandishing the honey sticks as fake wands, casting spells at each other. Remus relaxed.

“Feeling better James?” He asked.

“Yeah, much better. Sorry to scare you like that.”

“No, you don’t need to apologize at all. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

They drank their tea in comfortable silence, until eventually Remus spoke up. “We can reschedule seeing the bees for another day if that sounds better to you.”

Sirius nodded. “You should probably eat some more food soon anyway, Jamie. What sounds good for lunch?”

James gave Remus a regretful smile. “I hope that isn’t an inconvenience. But to make it up, you could join us for lunch?”

“Oh, I…” Remus’s first reaction was to make up an excuse, but then he remembered that he had just been feeling slightly lonely and acutely aware of other people’s friendships.

“You had scheduled your afternoon in for our visit anyway, right? So you must be free.” Sirius said triumphantly. 

“I would love to,” Remus finished.

***

Remus eased his truck down the gravel driveway, making sure the blue Prius was following close behind. Since his farm was a little distance out from the city, he suggested driving separate to lunch. When driving, Remus usually played music loud and sang along. But, playing follow the leader with his guests from the farm today meant that he was concentrating on driving safely and five miles per hour under the speed limit - just like he had a box full of bees buckled into the passenger seat. 

He checked the radio briefly, on a low volume, before switching to the CDs. His drive today warranted the second disc in the changer, skipped forward to track three. Rusted Root’s “Send Me On My Way” sounded through the speakers. Instead of singing along obnoxiously, Remus took the opportunity to attempt to understand the words, for the thousandth time. He had been trying to learn this song on guitar for a little while now. 

When he pulled out onto the main road, Remus waited for an extra large gap to ensure Sirius could follow behind him and not get separated. The Prius was James’s car, Sirius wanted to emphasize. He himself drove a motorcycle, he boasted, although James called out, “don’t listen to him, he drives this Prius all the time, he’s always complaining that he needs to transport something that won’t fit on the bike. It was just yesterday that you-” Sirius had carefully strapped James into the passenger seat, evidently still taking care of him after fainting, but took the opportunity to shut the door, cutting off his sentence. Remus had known the men for less than two hours, but he already loved their banter. He tried to not spend too much time thinking about the image of Sirius on his motorcycle.

Eventually, Remus pulled into a parking spot in front of their destination: The SandWitch Shop. He hopped down from the truck and stood in front of the empty spot Sirius was now navigating the Prius into. After parking, Sirius got out, but James remained in the car. 

“Nice driving, Grandma!” Sirius said. “Didn’t realize the speed limit had been reduced to the single digits, but we managed to make it here before they closed anyway!” His smile took the bite out of his words.

“Big talk for the man driving the Prius.” Remus pointed out. “You know what, I doubt you actually have a motorcycle. I don’t think you fit the aesthetic.” 

Sirius scoffed, gesturing to his leather jacket and then black Doc Martens, before James’s hand pounding on the inside window of his own car interrupted them.

Sirius made a big show of opening the door for him, but then jumped out of the way as James made a lunge for his arm. “Child-lock,  _ bitch! _ ” Sirius shouted in glee. “Guess I’ll make a good godfather after all. That is, if I’m ever driving the little squirt in the car and not just letting them hang on the back of the motorcycle.”

James’s face seemed to cycle through different expressions, before landing on amusement. “Lily would kill you.”

“I know.” Sirius laughed, and entered the restaurant.

As Remus walked inside, the scents of fresh baked bread, roasting meats, and acidic chips immediately bombarded him. He suddenly felt very hungry, and mentally thanked himself from twenty minutes ago for not denying the offer of lunch like he usually would have.

“Do you know what you want to have?” Sirius’s voice interrupted his thoughts. “I’ll wait in line and order for us, you can find a table with James.”

Remus told him his choice: the half sandwich & half salad deal, with the caprese sandwich and greek salad. Then, he followed James to a booth table positioned in front of a window. They each took a side, and Remus realized he would need to make small talk with someone he had just met. He ran through a mental list of good conversation topics, but James spoke up first.

“Well, Remus, I’m sorry to rain on your parade with the whole  _ passing-out _ thing.” James used air quotes at the end, as if his own passing-out a half hour ago didn’t actually occur. “I would say that I’m embarrassed, but I think I lost the ability to feel the emotion of shame ever since Sirius took it upon himself to encourage my own maligned executive functioning years ago.”

Remus laughed. “You didn’t rain on my parade at all, and I would be more than happy to show you both the bees on another day. Honestly, I’m really impressed that you care so much about getting over your fears to make sure you don’t pass them on to your child. I think your baby is going to be very lucky.”

James softened as his child was mentioned, and Remus thought it was endearing how excited the man was to become a father. He remembered that James had spoken of his  _ girlfriend  _ being pregnant, and not his  _ wife _ , and wondered if their upcoming parenthood had been intentional. Not that it mattered to Remus. Either way, the man seemed ready for paternity. 

James’s face seemed to flicker through emotions again, before his eyes crinkled suddenly. “Oh good, Remus. I’m glad that you are happy to show us  _ both _ the bees at some other time.”

Remus felt like he was missing something, but didn’t ask, as Sirius took that moment to arrive with three cups of water balanced precariously in his hands, and a little plastic number 12 dangling from his pinky finger. “I’ll be right back!” Sirius announced as he set down the waters, and walked away. He returned a second later with a large bag of salt and vinegar flavor potato chips, then slid into the booth next to James.

James made a dramatic “blegh” sound, and Sirius shushed him. “Don’t be a baby, I ordered your sandwich with a side of their fresh  _ and flavorless _ kettle chips I know you like.” He opened the bag and held it out towards Remus. “These,” he said with a flourish, “are for civilized folk. But also you’re eating at least five of them right now or I’m going to make you eat one of the sugar packets I padded all of my pockets with, freshly stolen from the coffee counter.” 

James made a face, but held his hands out for the chips.

“How did you know I liked salt and vinegar chips?” Remus asked Sirius, who was now seated next to James.

“You were eyeing them while in line,” Sirius smiled. “But if I was wrong, I would have been able to eat the whole bag by myself anyway, so it was kind of a win-win situation.” 

“How sweet,” James said, and then dissolved into coughs as he popped the first chip in his mouth. “It’s too acidic, these are just awful. I’m sorry, which water is yours?” He asked Sirius.

“The one in front of me, are you dumb?” Sirius answered, confused.

“Perfect!” James proceeded to dunk his remaining four chips into Sirius’s water glass, fingers and all. He then shoved the wet and recently un-flavored chips into his mouth with a smile.

“Oh my god, you are the  _ worst _ ,” Sirius stressed. “I can’t take you anywhere.”

“They taste much better this way, you should try them,” James claimed, chewing through the chips. He gestured Remus towards Sirius’s water glass, which now had a salt and vinegar flavoring film floating on its surface.

“Alright, Remus and I are protecting these chips from you, jeez.” Sirius tucked the chips close to his chest and stood up from the booth.

Remus was surprised when Sirius suddenly sat down next to him, apparently choosing his side over James. 

James waggled his eyebrows at Remus. Remus frowned at him, still not sure what the man was hinting at and fearing he may be the butt of a joke. Just then, their lunches arrived, and his thoughts were willingly sidelined. 

A few beats of silence endured as the three men tucked into their meals, before James broke it with an ungraceful sentence spoken loudly but rendered unintelligible by the large quantity of sandwich still in his mouth. After a second, he swallowed, then asked again, more clearly this time. “Remus, what is your biggest fear?”

Remus’s mind immediately went to the woods, his six year-old self, and a dark night sky. He swallowed. “Well, isn’t that a bit philosophical. You know, James, I never asked what line of work you’re in. Does it by any chance involve talking to others?” Deflecting once the conversation was focused on himself was a very Remus-like trait, his family used to say, and Remus knew he was good at it.

James, however, seemed unfazed. “Biggest fears. Come on, Sirius, where’s the list?”

Sirius reached into one of the inner pockets of his leather jacket, and dumped out two handfuls of sugar packets before producing the list of fears from earlier. James reached a pointer finger forward, but then stopped at one of the sugar packets.

“Hey, this is Splenda! Are you trying to kill me?”

“Yes, James,” Sirius sighed, “I was playing the long con by taking care of your hypoglycemia for years, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike, and give you a sugar-free sweetener packet when your blood sugar drops, tricking you into thinking you’re fine, all while succumbing to your illness. Once you are out of the way, I’ll be free to finally seduce Lily, and then marry her and raise your child with her.”

Remus laughed as James’s face flickered through various expressions before landing on amusement himself. Sirius re-pocketed the sugar packets, but set the Splenda aside, next to his defiled water glass. Thinking he was in the clear, Remus resumed the eating of his sandwich.

“Okay, back to what I was talking about before Sirius tried to murder me,” James started again. “You can see all of our deep dark fears, so tell us yours.”

“If you want to,” Sirius tacked on at the end.

Remus read over the list, and noticed some were shared amongst all three, Lily James and Sirius, while others were only for one individual. He noted that Sirius was also afraid of the dark, and quickly wondered what his story was. He then read that Lily was afraid of snakes. 

“Oh, I can actually help here, I think. I have a rosy boa snake named Noodle, and she is the sweetest snake for someone afraid of snakes to see. I’ve even let younger schoolchildren hold her.” 

James smiled. “That could be awesome, actually. We were thinking of just dragging her through the reptile house at the zoo, each of us holding one of her hands, but that makes so much more sense now that you put it that way.”

Remus wasn’t sure if he was kidding or not, so he laughed in a half-surprised way. 

Sirius turned towards Remus, setting his sandwich down. “Are there any other fears you could help us with?”

“Well,” Remus said, tearing his gaze from Sirius’s slate eyes back down to the list. “Not exactly, but I do kind of share one of these.”

“Ooh, which one?” James leaned forward, excitedly.

Remus momentarily frowned, realizing that he had started to talk about something he hadn’t planned to, and now he had to finish it. He blamed Sirius’s eyes for distracting him. “Um. The dark?” His words tilted up at the end, forming a question.

“Me too.” Sirius said in a soft voice. Suddenly, the ambience felt more subdued, like talking about Sirius’s fear was a less approachable topic than Remus would have expected. Perhaps there was a story there after all, Remus thought.

James, either unaware of the shift in mood, or willfully ignoring it, leaned in conspiratorially. “Sounds like you two can conquer that one together. That way, we each get to conquer a fear with Remus. How fun!” He smiled directly at Sirius, who briefly narrowed his eyes at his friend. Remus once again felt like he was missing something, and that maybe a whole conversation was being carried out silently between the two.

“Right,” Remus began. “Unfortunately, as I am not having a child, or godchild, I don’t have to get over my little fear, and I intend to live a blissfully confrontation-free life from here on out. Night-lights and candles exist for a reason.”

James laughed. “And,” Remus said, punctuating the word with a stab through one of his salad tomatoes, “I still want to know what you do, James. You’re not a student as well, are you?”

“No, I’m not a student. I actually work in HR at a tech company.”

“Oh, cool.” Remus said. “So I was right about the ‘talking to people’ thing.” He laughed.

“James is almost more of an extravert than I am,” Sirius offered. When Remus’s face involuntarily grimaced, Sirius laughed. “I meant that as praise.”

“Sorry,” Remus laughed, “I’m just such an introvert that I felt bad for him in empathy.”

“You don’t seem like much of an introvert right now,” Sirius questioned.

“I guess it depends on the people I’m with.” Remus said. As an introvert, Remus has noticed that socializing with people usually uses up his energy, and he recharges by spending time alone. Some people, however, either don’t deplete his energy, or manage to recharge it. He thought silently that Sirius and James seem to be totally compatible people for him. They don’t use up his energy in the same way that others have. 

After they finished their lunch, Remus insisted on Venmo-ing Sirius for his meal. He had almost forgotten that Sirius had been the one to pay for all three of them, but was thankfully reminded when James clapped his shoulder and said “thanks mate, I’ll get the next one.” 

“James, I don’t want to pressure you,” Remus said, now standing outside the restaurant,“but you two are welcome back at the farm whenever you’re ready. I’d love to get to the live bees with you, and see if we can help with your fear.”

“And we can pay for the extra day,” Sirius offered. Remus hated asking guests for payment, so he had set up an online portal where visitors paid in advance, and he didn’t have to worry about it. 

“Oh, no, just the one day is fine. You weren’t there for your entire time slot today, plus we had lunch.”

“Which you paid for?” Sirius said.

“It was worth it, I liked spending the time with you guys.” Remus said, and realized he meant it, too. He hadn’t been spending much time with friends or anyone outside of work recently. His parents used to fill that void, but, well. Sirius smiled in response.

“We’re glad you do,” James said, “because you’re not getting rid of us soon. I want to see those bees, well, maybe on some level, because on many, many other levels I do  _ not _ want to see those bees. But yeah. And if you’re serious about introducing Lily to Noodle, we’ll be in touch.”   


“He’s not Sirius, I am,” Sirius interrupted robotically, as if he had to make that joke whenever possible, against his own free will.

James continued, “I think you’ll get along great with Lily. She’s amazing.” James smiled as he continued to talk about his girlfriend. Remus couldn’t help but feel a wave of affection for the man, and for Sirius too. They both cared so deeply and visibly for the people in their lives.

They eventually said their goodbyes, and set the date for their next visit. It would be on Friday, since Sirius only had one class in the morning, and James would be able to leave the office early that day (“perks of being a manager,” he said). As Remus turned the key to start his truck to drive home, he counted down the days until he would see the two characters again.

***

“Well, what a charming young lad,” James said as he pressed the button to start the Prius. He was driving this time, having properly recovered from his brief unconsciousness. 

Sirius paused from where he had been about to plug his phone into the auxiliary audio cable to play music. “Young? Wouldn’t you guess that he’s about our age?”

“Oh, so you’re guessing?” James asked.

“What?” 

“Do you think he’s gay? From the looks of his place I’d say he’s definitely single.”   


“James, what are you trying to say?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” James said loftily. “Just that maybe you’ll be able to conquer your fear of relationships if this whole beekeeper thing continues to work out. He’s cute, you know.”

Sirius frowned. He  _ had _ noticed that Remus was rather cute already. Maybe cute wasn’t the right word. Sirius found him ridiculously endearing, with the way his eyes lit up while talking about his bees, with his obvious concern for James, and with his easy banter. He remembered the way Remus’s eyes gave a challenging look as he teased Sirius about driving the Prius, before James had interrupted the moment. Sirius suddenly looked back up at James, and realized he hadn’t said anything in response yet. “Oh, yeah, I suppose he is. But I’m really not looking for a relationship right now, you know that.”

“Sirius, you haven’t been looking for a relationship for the past six years that I’ve known you. The only difference is that you stopped having casual hookups in the last year. Maybe sexy beekeeper man can be the answer.”

Sirius frowned for a moment, before getting an idea. “I’m going to tell Lily you passed out.”

“No, please! She’ll make me go to bed as soon as we get home!”

“Then stay out of my love life.” Sirius said triumphantly. After a beat of silence in the car, or, more accurately described as a beat of the song playing from the radio (which James had turned on after Sirius took too long to plug in his phone), Sirius laughed. He couldn’t help but feel that James might be right. 

“In any case,” James said, “Remus is pretty cool. I meant what I said about Lily liking him. We should become friends with him, even if you don’t want to have kinky beekeeper roleplay sex with him.”

Sirius flicked his arm in response. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music in this chapter: ["Send Me On My Way" by Rusted Root](https://youtu.be/ZS4m67ElJzU)


	2. Bee Swarms and Anagrams

On Friday morning, Remus woke early, feeling well-rested and energetic. He made a full pot of coffee, and set his oats on the stove before opening the glass french doors to the outside porch from the kitchen. The cool morning air swept in, and Remus yawned into it. After checking that the oats still needed more time on the stove, he flicked the burner to low and walked back into the library to check on Noodle. 

The room had previously been called an office, or spare bedroom, but after years of Hope and Lyall collecting used books, finding old rugs, and building a window seat, the room could only be described as a proper library. Remus himself had added plenty of books to the collection, and built one of the smaller bookshelves in the center of the room. Having filled all of the walls, the trio had decided to build a book island in the middle of the room. But, that was before Hope got sick.

Sitting atop the bookcase Remus had built and painted a pastel blue, was Noodle, sleeping in her terrarium. The snake was, as Remus had said, very sweet and docile, especially so on a cold morning. She was curled up under her heat lamp. Remus picked her up gently, and set her loosely around his neck. As he walked back to the kitchen, she slowly slithered under his sweater, searching for warmth.

Remus ate breakfast outside, oatmeal with fresh berries and a hot mug of coffee. He ate slowly, with his nondominant arm, since Noodle had tucked herself under his sweater on his right shoulder. Remus was looking forward to the afternoon, especially because James and Sirius were set to arrive at 2pm. Keeping busy until then may prove to be a challenge, but cleaning the house never failed as a means of passing time.

When the landline phone rang seconds before Remus turned on the vacuum, he immediately thought of Sirius. When he answered, though, he was only slightly disappointed to hear his neighbor’s voice. “Oh, hello Minnie. How are you?” He recovered.

“Just fine, my dear, just fine. How are your bees doing this morning?” Minerva was a sweet elderly woman, who lived alone, minus multiple cats–– she welcomed the strays–– and was Remus’s nearest neighbor on the farm. Although “near” was a bit of a stretch, since everything was so spread out amongst the farm country. She was about a five minute walk or a one minute drive away. She had never married, but had lived with “a dear friend” and “roommate” for decades, before she succumbed to cancer. Remus thought that this friend must have been more of a lover, but he wasn’t about to push Minerva to tell such details. She had said before, however, about his sexuality, that she was so happy how things had changed since she was young. They had a nice relationship, and Remus secretly thought of her as the grandmother he never got to meet. She had been especially present in his life when he was going through the loss of his parents. 

After updating each other on their lives in the past week since they had last visited, Remus asked again why she was calling. She tended to ramble a bit, and while Remus was happy to chat with her, he feared that she had called to tell him an emergency, but was too polite to bring it up without proper introductions. He imagined her standing by the old rotary phone in her kitchen, happily chatting-away, while the room was engulfed in flames. 

“Oh, that’s right, dear. I called because my smoke alarm has a low battery. It’s been beeping about once every five minutes, and I have the new battery all ready to go, but I seem to remember a certain young man telling me that I was not to climb any ladders while home alone.” 

Remus smiled at the memory. He had indeed told her that, six months ago, after she called to ask for advice on changing the bulb in her dining room light fixture. He had rushed right over and changed it for her. “I’ll be right over, Minnie. I don’t have anything scheduled until the afternoon.”

***

Remus wiped away any shoe marks from the dining chair he had stood on to change the battery, before sliding it neatly against the table. He subtly checked his phone. Sirius and James were still hours away, but that didn’t stop him from counting down the minutes anyway. 

“Are you expecting a call on your mobile, dear?” Minerva asked. His phone-checking must not have been as subtle as he thought.

Remus shook his head. “I just have some visitors at two, so I wanted to make sure they hadn’t cancelled or anything.”

“Oh, that’s nice. Is it another school group then?”

“No, actually it’s kind of interesting. These two men, about my age, they’re kind of ridiculous, but one of them is afraid of bees and wants to get over his fear before his baby is born.” His voice must have reflected his fondness for them, because Minerva’s eyes lit up. 

“It’s always wonderful to make friends, my dear. At any age.”

***

Remus was finishing up the construction of a few bee boxes when he heard the familiar sound of gravel crunching under the tires of a car. He had been sitting on the front porch while he worked. The boxes he built for his bees came in standard sizes, and he had to glue the pieces, slide them into place, and finally nail the ends. Some beekeepers skipped the wood glue, but Remus had been taught to build them this way by his dad, and had diligently followed his advice ever since. He stacked the finished boxes in a staggered pattern, and left them to dry so that they could be painted tomorrow. A few of his hives were getting ready to split and swarm, and he wanted to have the extra boxes on hand to hopefully catch them in time.

Remus wiped the last bit of glue from his hands before rising to meet his guests. From the looks of it, they had been passionately arguing about something. When James opened his door, Remus caught the tail end of Sirius’s sentence: “why would you _pretend_ to not know what an egg is, jeez!” He drew out the last word in exasperation. Remus laughed. 

James stepped forward to do the half-handshake, half-hug thing that men sometimes did, and Remus did his best to copy it. When Sirius got out of the car, Remus initiated the same handshake/hug with Sirius, before asking “What was that word you said, I didn’t quite catch it?”

Sirius looked confused. “Um, James and I were talking about eggs?”

Remus nodded. “ _That’s_ the word. What does ‘egg’ mean exactly?” He tried to keep a straight face as James guffawed from behind him.

“No, not you too!” Sirius whined. 

Remus invited them inside the house, and they sat on the same barstools at the kitchen island as the last time. After grabbing two glasses from the cupboards, Remus offered his guests water. He himself finished off the last of his afternoon iced coffee, which had been neglectfully allowed to melt on the countertop where it was left earlier. 

“Alrighty,” Remus began, “today we’re going to see some bees. Any questions before we get started? I thought we could suit up and then just start slow, stand outside for a minute and get used to the feeling of being near bees, all while being safe and protected by the suit.” He directed the last part of his statement at James, who paused mid-sip at the mention of being ‘near bees.’

James smiled bravely. “Nope, I think I’m ready.”

“But is your blood sugar ready?” Sirius challenged, before slapping a crinkled looking granola bar on to the counter. Presumably it had been in his pocket. James looked at it suspiciously, before Sirius picked it back up to unwrap. “Eat it, I’m taking care of you this time.”

“Fine.” James said, before snatching it out of Sirius’s hand. Remus smiled at the display of friendship.

Moments later, they were zipping on the white bee suits, and getting ready to go outside. 

Remus smiled as they stepped out, and he looked over the hives. The boxes were loosely arranged by color, but there were too many of them to neatly order. Some were two or three boxes high, with a lid on top, signifying a larger hive, and others were only comprised of one box. The light green and light turquoise hives were especially active at the moment, both three boxes high, and Remus made a note to steer James away from those at first. He also made a note to check if they were getting ready to split later.

A few bees flew past their veiled faces. Sirius put a comforting gloved hand on James’s shoulder and squeezed lightly. “Okay, this is, kind of cool.” James announced quietly. “Scary as fuck, but also kind of cool. They can’t sting through the suit, right?” He asked for the tenth time.

“Nope, you’re totally safe.” Remus answered. “Really.” He pointed at James’s protective clothing. Aside from the full body bee suit and veil, he was wearing long gloves, rubber-banded down on his forearms, and large wool socks tucked over his pant legs. Sirius only looked slightly less bubble-wrapped, with long gloves sans rubber bands, and no wool socks. Instead, he had tucked the bottom of his pant legs down into his shoes, which highlighted Remus’s slight height advantage. Remus was dressed less conservatively. He had a white bee jacket and hooded veil on, but just blue jeans covered his lower half, and he brought gloves but had merely tucked them into his back pocket. 

“Let’s get a closer look, yeah?” Sirius prompted. Together, they took a few steps forwards. Remus decided to start up a running commentary, since he had found that hearing about a subject was a good distraction from getting overwhelmed by the experience of seeing the subject firsthand.

“Each color of box is a different hive of bees, with its own queen and everything. Some of the boxes are bigger, because some of the hives are bigger. Hives will grow over time, as the bees accumulate more resources. Eventually, when a hive gets large enough, a new queen bee will emerge, and she will leave, along with half of the hive, to find a new place to set up shop. You may have seen swarms of bees before, and they’re essentially looking for a new home, all while protecting their queen.”

“One time we were driving by a park and we saw a cloud of bees float by, was that what that was? Jamie was terrified.” Sirius said.

“Oh shut it, they were very intimidating. You were scared too.” James said.

“They are definitely a little spooky looking,” Remus offered. “Although, there’s nothing to be afraid of, since they aren’t very dangerous. They will have just fed, meaning they’re less likely to sting, and don’t have a nest to protect at the moment.”

Sirius nodded in interest. They had now reached the nearest hive, one of the light purple ones, and it was only one box tall. James started laughing, and Remus turned to make sure he was okay. A bee had landed on his veil, right in front of his face. 

“You okay, mate?” Sirius asked. 

James kept laughing, “I am! This is so surreal because it feels so scary but also they can’t actually hurt me so I’m kind of just here? And the bee is here? And it shouldn’t be funny but it is.”

Remus smiled. “Looks like you’re getting more comfortable then. Let’s take a look inside this hive.” He cracked open the lid, and motioned the two men closer. 

They each let out of noises of astonishment, and Sirius walked right up to the box, while James stayed a few steps back. “This is so cool, oh my _god_ ,” Sirius stressed. “How many bees are in there?” 

“Each hive has one queen, a few hundred drones, and tens of thousands of workers.” Remus answered. He coaxed a bee onto his bare finger. “This one right here is a drone. You can tell because he’s a bit larger than the workers, and his eyes are larger and closer together. His sole purpose is mating with the queen, so he has to have large eyes.”

“Sounds a lot like James’s sole purpose.” Sirius joked.

“Hey, if you were a drone bee, your sole purpose would be mating with all of the other drone bees.” James retorted. Remus’s eyebrows piqued minutely. If his guess about Sirius’s sexuality was correct, he was interested, but also tried not to think about it. Right now, these men were visitors to his farm, and he would be happy to eventually become friends with them too, nothing more.

Sirius muttered something in response, but then said audibly as James joined them to peer into the hive, “oh, looks like you’re getting over your fear!”

“I think so,” James answered. 

“Okay, let me show you something really cool,” Remus said. “I’m going to pull out one of these frames, and we can see the honeycomb pattern that the bees have built with beeswax.” He picked up a metal tool and eased it into the groove between two frames and wiggled it. Setting it back down, he reached in and lifted at the sides.

“Wait, you don’t need gloves for this? I feel like you should be wearing gloves for this.” James said.

Remus laughed. “I could, it definitely wouldn’t be a bad idea. But I’m comfortable with these bees, and I don’t think they’re going to sting me. As long as I’m gentle with the frame and don’t squish anybody while moving it, I should be fine.”

He pulled the frame out all the way, and showed off the hexagonal cells made of wax. Remus pointed to the various cells, and explained which ones were storing honey, and which were housing brood, or baby bees. 

After looking at a few more hives and beekeeper tools, James said that he felt like his fear had been conquered. Remus snapped a few photos of him next to open hives, since Sirius’s phone was covered by his suit, and they started to walk back to the back porch. Just then, Remus noticed some activity in the lower branches of a maple tree on his property. 

“Oh, perfect example!” He announced. “This is a bee swarm, probably from one of my hives. It seems like they’re taking a pit stop on this tree branch, although it doesn’t look like a great nest building site. I could catch it and put them into a new box, if you guys want to see it?”

“What would that entail?” James asked hesitantly.

“Basically, I would shake the branch and let the bees fall into a cardboard box. A lot of bees would be flying about, trying to defend their queen. You may not want to be nearby, James, but you could watch. Even from inside, if you preferred, since the kitchen window is right there.” He offered. Remus didn’t need to catch this swarm, and if the men preferred to leave it, he could let it go. But it was a good learning opportunity if they were interested. 

“Yeah, alright, I’ll watch from inside though. If it’s going to be cool I can video it?” James said.

“Okay, cool.” Remus smiled. “Sirius?”

“Um. They can’t sting through the suit, right?” 

“Nope.”

“Then I’m in.”

“Great,” Remus said. He grabbed an empty cardboard box from the porch, one of the ones that had his phone number and “WARNING: LIVE BEES” written all over it, and inserted a few empty bee frames inside. He also picked up one of the spray bottles filled with sugar water.

He handed the box to Sirius, and put his gloves on as they walked over to the swarm. Once James had gone inside, Remus explained more about the process. “Basically, it’s going to be like bee Armageddon. Clouds of bees are gonna fly around and may cover your veil, but you’re pretty much safe.”

“Pretty much?” Sirius asked, looking suspicious.

Remus shrugged slightly. “Okay, so they _can_ sting through the suit, but only if it’s pressed right up against your skin. So like if it’s pinched at your elbow, and a bee gets right there, she could sting you, but since the stinger has to go through the cloth first, it would pop right out if you shifted the suit a bit. The reason a honey bee stinger detaches is because it is designed to slowly pump venom in. If you remove it right away you’ll barely notice the sting.”

“Well, you’re the expert.” Sirius said with a tentative smile.

Minutes later, they were ready. “All right, here we go.” Remus said. Sirius had sprayed some sugar water on the swarm, and the bees were reacting to it, further condensing into a big, dark, amorphous shape on the branch. Remus was standing slightly to the side, both gloved hands wrapped around the branch. Sirius was standing directly underneath the mass of bees, holding the box up. “Ready?” He asked.

“Ready,” Sirius answered.

Remus shook the branch, and heard a satisfying _whoomph_ as the majority of the bees from the branch landed in the cardboard box. After a few more shakes, all of the remaining bees had either fallen in the box, or were swarming Sirius and Remus in a giant cloud. The noise of the buzzing bees encompassed Remus’s senses again, and he felt the paradoxically soothing burst of adrenaline. 

“You good?” He asked Sirius.

A muffled “yeah, I think so” came from behind Sirius’s veil. It was largely covered in bees, presumably angry about their sudden relocation. Remus started brushing bees off of Sirius’s suit and his own into the box, before fitting the lid on. 

“Okay, I think we got most of them!” Remus announced as he took the box out of Sirius’s hands. He set it on the ground, and propped up the slight opening in the bottom. Any stragglers would smell their queen and find their way inside, hopefully. 

As Remus stood back up, brush in hand, Sirius let out a little yelp. “Ow, I think I just got stung? Maybe? Left elbow.”

Remus looked over, and saw a bee currently stuck to his bee suit, which was taut against his elbow. He brushed the bee off, and pulled at the suit a bit. “Yeah, I think she just managed to sting you, but the stinger is definitely out now, so it shouldn’t be too bad. You okay?”

“Yeah, fine, thank you.” The men locked eyes, only partially obscured by a few bees still on Sirius’s veil. 

“You did great!” Remus praised. “First time, but very well done. You didn’t panic at all.”

“I was a little scared,” Sirius confessed with a grin. “But also that was the coolest experience ever? Like, they’re swarming around you and you can’t even see out of the mask, but then suddenly the buzzing is all you can hear and it just becomes sort of, I don’t know. Peaceful?”  
“Yes!” Remus emphasized. “That’s exactly how I feel. I love the adrenaline rush, and then afterwards I just feel so calm. That’s why I love working with bees so much.” He smiled, with the satisfying feeling of not only sharing knowledge with others, but connecting with another person, Sirius, about a shared special experience. One that he also appreciated, for the same reasons that Remus did. 

“That was awesome,” Sirius said, softer now, almost to himself. 

“It was,” Remus agreed. “Now let’s get these bees off of you and then you can take this suit off.” 

“Cheeky,” Sirius teased, and Remus blushed stupidly. He busied himself with brushing off any remaining bees from Sirius’s suit, before spinning and asking Sirius if he himself had any hitchhikers. 

Once they removed their suits and joined James inside, it was later than either of them realized. Sirius quickly relayed his excitement to James about the successful capture, and James encouraged his friend by showing the videos and pictures he took of the event. 

“Okay, now I’m starving,” Sirius said suddenly. “I should’ve kept that granola bar I gave you earlier.”

Remus hesitated for a second, before deciding to speak up. “Would you like to stay here for dinner? I don’t have anything fancy, but I could make pasta?” He hoped he wasn’t being too forward with the two men. He wanted to maintain whatever new friendship he had just formed with them, and hoped they felt the same way.

“Here’s a better idea: why don’t you join us for dinner, Remus? Lily and I were texting while you guys were outside, and we have all the ingredients ready for a pizza night.” James said.

“Yes, join us!” Sirius said, looking expectantly at Remus.

“I’d love to,” Remus said, echoing himself from last time. “But let me bring a bottle of wine.”

***

Remus stepped up to the door of James and Lily’s house about ten minutes after Sirius and James arrived. They drove separate, since Remus would be leaving to come back to the farm, and he didn’t want to make someone drive him home at the end of the night if they carpooled. He had taken advantage of the extra time to clean up a bit as well. Changing out of the blue jeans and shirt that smelled like smoke from his bee smoker, he had put on a pair of (clean) dark jeans, an untucked sage green button down shirt, and simple black boots. He shifted his host and hostess gifts into one hand in order to knock. A bottle of red wine was brought, as promised, but he had remembered Lily’s pregnancy right before locking his front door, and had grabbed a jar of raw honey and a few of the more interesting flavored herbal tea bags he had been looking forward to trying. If Lily couldn’t drink alcohol, hopefully she’d be interested in one of the other options he could provide.

To Remus’s surprise, Sirius was the one who answered the door. He wore the same clothes as earlier, with an added leather jacket that Remus reasoned must have been in the car, but had pulled his hair away from his face with a few small braids. The whole look was very alluring to Remus. Remus realized he was staring at the same moment he realized Sirius was looking at him up and down. Blushing, he blurted out the only thing he could come up with. “Long time no see!”

Sirius snapped out of whatever daze he had been in, and stepped aside to usher Remus in. He put a hand on Remus’s shoulder and walked him towards the large kitchen. The house decor was a surprisingly pleasant clash of cultures. Warm-color tapestries and ornately carved wood pieces that Remus assumed were from James’s culture mixed with a lighter beachy vibe with shells and macrame mirrors, potentially from Lily. 

As they entered the kitchen, a large and bright room, painted yellow, Remus saw James first, grating a large ball of mozzarella, while completely covered in flour, and then Lily, a visibly pregnant redhead rolling out a pizza dough onto the counter. “Remus is here!” Sirius announced.

Lily smiled at him and introduced herself, and Remus sincerely told her that her home was wonderful, when James looked up and echoed Sirius from earlier, only louder. “Remus is here!” He shouted excitedly. James wrapped Remus into a tight hug, then pulled back to look at what he had brought. “And he brought wine!” Remus guessed that James had already had a glass or three.

“And,” Remus said hastily, looking at Lily, “I brought some fun herbal teas to try, and some raw honey from the farm as well. I thought we could make some fun pregnant-friendly drinks as well.”

“I like him already,” Lily declared, and nudged James out of the way to hug him as well. 

“What can I do to help?” Remus asked Lily. “It already smells amazing, by the way.”

“You can open that bottle of wine, and you can try to keep these two out of trouble. Lord knows I can’t do it on my own.” 

Remus laughed and accepted the offered glass and corkscrew. They fell into an easy rhythm of preparing toppings while Lily prepared the doughs, all while the banter Remus saw between James and Sirius earlier returned in full force to include Lily. After Lily caught Sirius trying to clip a clothespin to the back of her apron, they teamed up to secretly clip twelve clothespins and two paper clips to the back of James’s shirt. Lily silently moved Sirius’s wine glass to a new location every time he looked away, and recruited Remus’s help to hide it on one of the higher shelves. The funniest prank for Remus to observe was when Sirius and James worked like a well-oiled machine to swap out the baking sheet sitting on the counter that Lily was about to stretch a pizza dough onto with an identically-sized baking sheet waiting in the freezer. When Lily picked up the cold metal, she immediately yelped and jumped back, dropping it. She quickly rounded on the culprits. “You absolute asses!” She accused, then dissolved into laughter. “I think my brain told me that this was the wrong temperature, but it thought too cold was just as dangerous as too hot, and I was afraid it had been in the oven or something.” She reasoned, and shook her head at the others in the kitchen.

The pizzas were delicious, and Remus enjoyed talking to Lily while they ate. They stood around the kitchen counter and ate each pizza as it came out of the oven, and Remus found that he enjoyed the casualness of it all. Remus learned that the red-haired Registered Nurse was just as snarky as he was, with sarcastic comments muttered both under her breath for his benefit, and outloud alike. The pair discovered that they shared a soft spot for feel-good Christmas movies, and both loved Jane Austen books. Their conversation ended when James dropped a piece of pizza onto his “favorite shirt,” and Lily pulled away to dab at it with a wet paper towel. The couple giggled at each other and eventually pulled in for a chaste kiss.

“Blegh,” Sirius shuddered, turning towards Remus. “Let’s get another glass of wine. They’re only going to get worse, trust me.” Remus dully realized that he had already had quite a bit of wine, but he liked the warm feeling in his chest, and Sirius’s smile close in front of him only made it warmer. He nodded, and took Sirius’s hand as they walked towards the bottle. Remus loved being in this group of friends, he realized, and dropped Sirius’s hand. Maybe there could be something more there, but for now at least, Remus wanted to be a part of this group and enjoy the feeling of family more so than he wanted to risk rejection or hurt from a botched relationship. 

“Are you having fun?” Sirius asked Remus quietly.

“Yes, definitely,” Remus answered honestly. “You guys are so great, I haven’t properly hung out with friends in years.” He realized he overshared when Sirius’s eyebrows knitted together in concern. 

“What do you mean you haven’t hung out with friends? You’re an awesome person, you know.” 

Remus swallowed. “Well, thanks. But don’t worry, it’s just that the last few years have been really weird.” Remus tried to be vague but sincere. “I’m really glad I’m here right now though, honestly.”

Sirius seemed to accept that response, and squeezed his shoulder again, before the night carried on. 

Lily turned to Remus, having finished cleaning the front of James’s shirt. “Remus, you have to be honest. These clowns said that they were very good with the bees, and that Siri even helped you with some extra trapping while James was inside. Is that true?”

“Yes!” Remus smiled fondly at James and Sirius. “They were great, I think James got over his fear, because he seemed totally at ease standing right in front of open hives, even while I was pulling out frames or handfuls of bees.”

“Lily,” Sirius started. “It was the coolest thing in the world. I held this cardboard box up above my head, and Remus shook this tree branch, and thousands of bees fell into the box, and the ones that didn’t were swarming around me and trying to attack me, and I couldn’t see because they were blocking my mask but I stayed calm even though my bloodstream was like seventy percent adrenaline, at least, and I also got stung through the suit but Remus helped me take the stinger out and it was such a unique experience.” James paled as Sirius’s description went on, while Lily and Remus quietly laughed. 

“Remus taking the stinger out was the unique experience or the bees swarming you? Which one, champ?” Lily asked, raising a clear water glass to only partly cover her smug smile.

“Both,” Sirius answered confidently.

“I couldn’t have caught that swarm by myself, so it was awesome that Sirius was willing to try it, and he did great.” Remus stated, pointedly ignoring Lily’s eyebrow waggling.

After dinner, Lily brought out a worn looking box containing Scrabble, and brought it to the coffee table with a funny little dance.

James protested with a groan, “No, I’m too tipsy for a hard game like Scrabble.”

“Tipsy?” Sirius laughed. “Babe, you’re properly sloshed.”

“It’s okay!” Lily assured. “There’s four of us, so we’ll do teams of two. I call Remus, because I’m sure he’s going to be better than you two.”

Remus had stopped drinking a while ago, in preparation for driving home, and the brain game seemed to hasten his sobriety. Soon enough, he and Lily were both drinking herbal tea with honey and turning James and Sirius’s monosyllabic words like “cat” and “run” into “cataclysmic” and “truncating.” When they eventually ran out of tiles, Lily and Remus mercifully agreed to swap teams for a second round. This was how Remus found himself and Sirius sharing the floor, across from Lily and an increasingly tired-looking James on the couch. 

“So what’s our strategy?” Sirius whispered, his full body turned towards Remus, and hand lightly on his back. 

“Our strategy?” Remus asked. He matched Sirius’s conspiratorial tone and pose, now with his hand gripping Sirius’s bicep. “We win by encouraging James to play as many words without Lily’s advice as possible.” Sirius agreed and turned to the board, but left his arm against Remus’s.

“So, Lily,” Remus began, as James was concentrating on arranging their seven tiles on their wooden block. He seemed to be pushing around the same group of three, and Remus was hoping he would play them soon. “I understand I may be able to help you out with one of your fears.”

“James, put that down,” Lily snapped, preventing the anticipated three-letter word. “And Remus, I understand you’re trying to sabotage my game over here.”

Remus tried to feign innocence, but couldn’t hold in his laughter when James indignantly gestured to himself, in shock at being considered anything other than a valued asset to his team. Lily dumped all seven of her tiles onto the board with a flourish, then arranged them to spell “aerosol,” gaining a huge amount of points for a first turn.

“And yes, I’m afraid of snakes.” She added at the end. 

“Well, I have a rosy boa, which is one of the slowest and safest species of snakes, and she is very calm around humans. Her name is Noodle, and she’s adorable. Maybe you could see her or hold her to try to get over your fear?” Remus offered, then said “wait, no, Sirius,” as Sirius triumphantly built off the “a” in “aerosol” to spell “can.”

“You enable my drunk teammate, I’ll enable yours.” Lily challenged.

Many turns later, the game became more casual as a conversation flowed over the tiles. Remus learned about how Lily and James met, and how she had apparently been on three different lunch and coffee dates with James before realizing that they were dates, having thought the whole time that he was already in a relationship with Sirius, based on how much he talked about him. James told the funny story of moving into his freshman year dorm to find Sirius already moved in, who hadn’t realized he had to share a room with a roommate. They didn’t speak to each other for a few hours at first, but somehow managed to become as close as brothers. 

“Wait, if you two met in freshman year, but you’re still a student, does that mean you took time off from school? Or are you going back for a different degree now?” Remus asked Sirius.

Sirius grimaced. “Ooh, if we’re getting into this story then I think we could all use a refill. Want me to grab the bottle?” He asked James and Remus.

“I think I should hold off, if I’m going to drive home tonight.” Remus replied.

“Oh don’t be ridiculous, Remus,” Lily’s voice sounded from the couch cushions where she was reclining half-asleep. “You’re spending the night. We have guest rooms for a reason.”

Remus smiled at both the propriety on the surface of the offer and the implications of friendship beneath it. He really liked this group, and he was glad that they were welcoming him into it. “Okay, I’ll stay. Thank you.”

“Great, then I’m getting that bottle.” Sirius stood and walked to the kitchen. When he returned, he poured normal-sized glasses for Remus and himself, and then a very small amount for James, which Lily gave a subtle thumbs-up for. “When I started college I was eighteen, like James and Lily. James and I became best friends that year, and then sophomore year we became close with Lily as well.”

Sirius paused to take a sip of wine. Remus picked up a Scrabble tile for something to do with his hands, but was fairly certain the game was over for the night. “I didn’t really like pre-law, but ever since I was a kid I had been told that my path was to become a lawyer and join the family law firm. My dear old parents were paying for my degree and housing for those first two years. When my dear old cousin Bella sent them pictures of myself kissing another man in a club, they were not very pleased.” His face formed a smile, but his eyes stayed cold.

“Overnight, they froze anything of mine that they could access. They withdrew the spring tuition that they had previously paid for, gave my landlord notice that I would be moving out in three days, and even called to cancel my WiFi, which, honestly. Psychotic.” Remus’s eyebrows lifted in disbelief.

“I think they even cancelled my phone plan, because it was offline for that next morning, but they reactivated it when they realized they couldn’t call me. They called, and offered an ultimatum. Get engaged - to a woman, mind you - or get formally disowned. I told them to fuck themselves, and haven’t seen them since.” Sirius raised his glass and clinked Remus’s with another humorless smile, before draining it. 

“James’s parents helped me stay on my feet for the next year. They were lifesavers, really. But after a while of working and settling into a life of more freedom and responsibility, I petitioned to re-enroll in the college, but with a new major, in early childhood education. I’m much better off now.” He smiled genuinely. 

“Wow, that’s…” Remus tried to think of what to say. He was sure Sirius had already been told by plenty of people how unfortunate his predicament was, or how hard that must have been to go through. 

“You don’t have to say anything,” Sirius said quietly. “But, now you know why I’m twenty-four and still in college.”

“No, it’s…” Remus started again. “You should be proud of yourself. You are pursuing your own dream, and you’re succeeding at it.”

Sirius looked impressed. “Thank you, that, that means a lot.” 

Remus looked up to take stock of the room. Lily looked asleep, having propped her head onto one couch pillow, with the remaining ones stacked up and around her belly. James looked halfway asleep and still drunk, but was arranging tiles into inappropriate words. 

“Come on,” Sirius said, as he stood up, before offering a hand to Remus. “I’ll get you set up in one of the guest rooms. I know where all the sheets and towels are, I practically live here myself.”

“Thanks mate,” James said, through a yawn. “I’m gonna carry Lily up to bed in just a moment, I think I just need to shut my eyes for a second here first.”

Remus tidied the table up a bit and carried the empty glasses and bottle to the kitchen. When he came back, Sirius was tucking a large blanket around the now-asleep couple on the couch and taking off James’s glasses. 

A few minutes later, Remus was standing alone with Sirius in a guest bedroom, pulling sheets onto a bed together. Remus liked the domesticity of the scene, almost as much as the wine still buzzing around his head liked watching Sirius’s shirt ride up as he reached for folded pillowcases out of a hall closet. 

“Alright, let me know if you need anything. I’ll be in that room across the way, and James will probably make a huge breakfast tomorrow. If you don’t like waking early you should shut your door.” Sirius handed Remus a small stack of towels, with fresh toiletries on top.

“He’s going to be waking up early?” Remus asked incredulously. “I’m a bit of a morning person, but are you sure he isn’t going to be completely hung over?”

Sirius shook his head, with faint admiration. “James in the morning has the energy of a baby deer, no matter how much he drank the night before. A bit scary, actually.”

They both laughed, and Remus shuffled on his feet a bit. “Well. Goodnight Sirius, thanks for everything.”  
“Goodnight Remus.” Sirius answered. “I’m glad you’re here.”  
“Me too. I feel pretty lucky to be here with you three.”

Sirius smiled, clapped him on the shoulder, and turned back to his own bedroom. 

***

Remus woke the next morning feeling well-rested and calm. He smelled coffee brewing in the kitchen, and heard quiet talking. He had slept in the faded college T-shirt Sirius had offered him last night, presumably belonging to James. After brushing his teeth and pulling on his jeans, he padded out into the rest of the house. 

“Good morning, Remus!” James shouted as he entered the kitchen. True to Sirius’s word, James looked bright-eyed and alert, no traces from last night’s alcohol showing as he manned a stove supporting pans for eggs, bacon, and pancakes. Sirius looked a bit less energetic, but hopped up from his barstool to pour Remus a cup of coffee. 

“How’d you sleep?” Sirius asked, as he held up sugar and milk, silently offering them to Remus.

“I slept well, thanks,” Remus answered, before shaking his head and taking the coffee plain. 

“Good morning, beekeeper!” Lily said as she padded into the kitchen, wearing fuzzy slippers and wrapped in the large blanket that Sirius had placed on her last night. “How do you like your pancakes? I already put jam and syrup on the table, and I was thinking about adding the honey you brought last night.”

“Ooh, that’d be good.” Remus confirmed. He grabbed a few plates and carried them to the table Lily had already placed the condiments and silverware on. As he set them down, Lily returned with the jar of honey, as well as mustard and pickles. When Remus raised his eyebrows at her, she narrowed her eyes.

“I’m pregnant, I get to eat weird things if I want.”

“Fair enough,” Remus laughed.

As they settled into breakfast, Remus couldn’t help the feeling of lightness in his chest. He hadn’t realized how much he needed this type of friendship in his life until it was finally in front of him. He had only known these people for a short time, but was certain that they were all very special people, and he was glad to be a part of their lives.

Seemingly echoing his thoughts, James suddenly spoke up. “Remus, I’m glad you’re here. I liked you at the farm, but I think I like you better when we’re not surrounded by bees.”

Lily agreed. “James, do you have your phone? Someone needs to get Remus’s number and make a group chat.”

“That reminds me!” Remus said. “I took pictures of James all suited-up standing next to the hives yesterday, I’ll put those in the chat.”

“Perfect,” Sirius said. “I’ll get them printed on mugs and send them to your parents, Jamie.”

After giving his phone number to James, conversation flowed steadily. Sirius eventually asked about how Remus ended up becoming a beekeeper, and all alone on that big farm.

“My dad kept bees all my life,” he answered. “My mom did too, but she operated more of the business side of things, like setting up school visits and hosting events. The farm started as more of a self-sustaining system, but once the beekeeping side of things became enough, we stopped minding other animals, and sold most of the agricultural lots. I got into beekeeping pretty young, and I’ve been doing it ever since. My, um…” he stopped to take a sip of coffee. “My parents died in the last couple of years, so I’ve been running it on my own for a while. I moved back in to help out when my mom got sick, and I’ve been there ever since.”

A beat of silence hung over the table, and Remus reached for his coffee mug again, just to give himself something to do. 

“Well,” Lily started. “I’m sorry that you lost your parents.” She reached over the table to squeeze his forearm. 

“Thanks,” Remus said, with a sad smile. After another beat of silence he switched the topic to Sirius’s classes. He didn’t like to talk about hard subjects any longer than needed. 

After another hour of fun conversation, an impromptu karaoke party while cleaning the kitchen, and many hugs and promises of future time spent together, Remus started up his truck again. He didn’t have to think hard before selecting the first CD in the changer, on track three. Hozier’s song “Jackie and Wilson” played through the speakers. He hummed along, feeling content, as he made his way back to the farm. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music in this chapter: ["Jackie and Wilson" by Hozier](https://youtu.be/8CXsCJoSm_o)


	3. What do you get when you meet Godzilla?

Remus spent the rest of his Saturday reading. After returning from James and Lily’s, he did a quick check on the bees and the house (it had been a long time since he had spent the night elsewhere), picked up Noodle and made a quick phone call to Minnie (he invited her for Sunday tea), showered (and finally changed into new jeans), before establishing himself in the library window seat for the rest of the day. He had brought a warm thermos full of black tea but he hadn’t tasted it yet, since Noodle had wrapped herself around it and promptly fell asleep.

***

The next day, Remus painted the boxes he had constructed just before James and Sirius’s visit. He chose a very pale blue-gray color, one that reminded him of a certain someone’s eyes. The bees that he caught with that certain someone were still in their cardboard box, and had been building onto the frames nicely. Remus had left the flap open for the last few days, to allow time for any stragglers to smell their way back to the queen, but was now ready to close it. Tomorrow morning, when these new wooden boxes were dry, he would relocate the bees one last time, to a more permanent wooden box. 

He was tidying up the front porch when he spotted Minnie walking down the drive, both hands carrying a large wicker basket covered with a blue-checkered tea towel. 

“Minnie!” Remus called. “Good morning!” 

“Oh isn’t it dear?” Minerva answered as she walked closer. “I hope your bees are enjoying all of this sun.”

“They are,” Remus assured, smiling. They settled into their places on the porch, and Remus retrieved the tea from the kitchen. If he were hosting anyone else, he would think to prepare biscuits or some cookies to go with the tea, but knowing Minerva, he would only be interfering with the full spread she would bring, and didn’t want to even think about competing with her perfectly-made scones.

Remus found himself gushing about the fun group of friends he had found himself suddenly a part of. He relayed snippets of conversations he thought Minnie would like, and she thoroughly enjoyed hearing about the Scrabble antics.

“I’m glad you had a good Friday night, my boy.” Minerva said, before studying her tea suddenly. “I couldn’t help but notice your truck was gone in the evening and returned late Saturday morning. And you did sound a bit tired on the phone.” She smiled coyly, and Remus blushed at the thought of what she may be trying to imply.

“Oh, it was just a casual night amongst friends.” 

“Well I’m glad you were able to stay the night safely, I wouldn’t want anyone driving on these windy roads in the dark.” Minerva said, raising her tea for a sip. Remus’s eyebrows rose. If he wasn’t sure about her implying anything earlier, he was very sure of it now.

“It was nice of James and Lily to offer me a guest room, uh, it was at their house, they’re together, they’re the expecting parents, and, um, their friend Sirius, who will be the godfather.” Remus tried to answer calmly, but only succeeded in gesturing his arms unnecessarily as he rambled.

“And is their friend Sirius single?” Minerva asked innocently. Remus blinked.

“I swear these scones get better every time, what is your secret?” Remus asked.

***

In the afternoon, Remus sat again on the front porch, this time with his guitar in hand. He had been trying to learn Natalia Lafourcade’s song “Hasta la Raíz,” and had the strumming down pretty well, but was slowed down by the fact that he could barely speak Spanish, let alone sing it. His voice tripped over a lot of words, and the resulting music was a bit slower, but still pretty. 

His phone buzzed from his pocket just as his fingers were starting to get sore. It was a text from Sirius. 

_ Hey Remus, I hope you’re doing well. I was wondering if I’d be able to ask a beekeeper a few questions for a project I’m doing in my equitable science education class, maybe over coffee? If you’re able to give me a phone call sometime I can explain more about it.  _

Remus smiled, and immediately called him. If he was being honest with himself, he had been thinking about Sirius quite a lot since leaving James and Lily’s house yesterday morning, even without Minerva’s hinting.

“Hi Remus!” Sirius’s whispered voice immediately answered the call.

“Hi, um, is this a bad time to call?” Remus asked hesitantly.

“No, no, it’s perfect!” Sirius answered, still whispering. Remus thought he could hear the rustling sounds associated with hastily packing up. “I’m in the library right now, but just hold on one second, there’s a balcony right here that I can talk on the phone on.”

A few seconds later, Sirius’s voice rang through the phone at a normal volume. “Okay, hi! How are you?”

“I’m good! Thanks. How has the rest of your weekend been going?” 

“Pretty well! I’ve been at the library on campus for almost all of today, so I’ve been getting a lot of homework done for my classes. Which is actually why I texted you in the first place.”

“Right, you said I could help with a project you’re working on?”

“Yeah! One of my classes is all about teaching science to kids in an equitable way. A lot of current practices in teaching science are kind of flawed, because they make some kids think they aren’t welcome at the science table, or whatever, and sort of end up excluding potential scientists. For our final project in the class, we have to write up a unit to teach to a science class of our choosing, and make sure it is taught equitably.”

“Oh, wow, that sounds really cool!” Remus said. He loved how passionate Sirius sounded when he talked about his classes, and he felt a surge of happiness that Sirius ended up switching his studies from law to education.

“It is! For my unit, I want to tackle reproduction, at the high school level, but teach it in a way that’s not like, completely heteronormative and weird. Every biology textbook is like ‘you get half your DNA from your mom and half from your dad,’ which like, first of all isn’t even true, since you could get more from one parent. Second of all, so many kids don’t have a mom and a dad. Third, these kids could see themselves as a future parent who also wasn’t cishet, but, sorry, I’m totally digressing.”

“No,” Remus laughed, “keep going, I love it. Your activism is showing.”

“You get the point though,” Sirius laughed, “and basically I want to teach reproduction and the whole chromosome thing while focusing on more animals than just humans, and I did some research, and it looks like bees have pretty weird reproduction?”

“They do!” Remus answered, excitedly. “Honey bees in particular. Every male bee doesn’t have a dad but has a grandpa, because males are haploid and females are diploid.”

“Yes, okay, this is going over my head but I like that you know a lot about it. Do you think I could, like, conduct an interview with you, in preparation for making my lesson plans? I’d buy you coffee for your troubles.” Remus could practically hear the smile in Sirius’s voice at the end.

“Yeah, that sounds great,” Remus answered. “What does your class schedule look like this week?”

***

At 11am on Tuesday morning, Remus met Sirius for coffee and an interview at the university Java House. Remus didn’t mind the drive into the college campus, and it was convenient for Sirius, who just finished two back-to-back morning classes nearby. Sirius was already seated at a bar stool when Remus walked through the door, and his eyes lit up when he was spotted. 

“Remus!” Sirius greeted him with a hug. 

“Good to see you,” Remus said, slightly muffled by the embrace. 

“Here, sit, I already dropped all my stuff over these two seats. What do you want? I’ll go order for us.”

Remus thought that Sirius seemed to have already ingested a bit of caffeine this morning, but smiled and accepted the offer, asking for a hot chai latte. 

As Sirius ordered, he chatted a bit with the barista. Remus couldn’t hear their conversation, but felt like he had been caught staring when Sirius turned back towards him. “Hey Rem, do you want the spicy chai or the sweet chai?” He asked from across the floor. Remus took a moment to bookmark the fact that Sirius called him by a nickname, before choosing the spicy chai.

Sirius walked towards the bathrooms after ordering the drinks, so Remus kept an eye on the counter. When a barista called out a tall spicy chai latte, he walked over to grab it. 

“Oh,” the barista spoke up as Remus grabbed the tea, “your boyfriend’s pumpkin cold brew is gonna be done in just one second.” Remus’s face turned to surprise, but the barista wasn’t looking, instead finishing an elaborate whipped cream swirl. “Here it is,” she said, passing what Remus hoped was Sirius’s drink, since he realized he didn’t actually know what the dark-haired man had ordered. “You guys are super cute together, by the way.”

“Um, thanks?” Remus said, as he took the drinks and turned away, blushing beet red.

Remus returned to their seats at the counter and opened up one of his notebooks. He had brought along two of his old beekeeping journals, in case they proved useful for his conversation with Sirius. He had also brushed up on his bee biology the night before. 

Sirius returned, and squeezed Remus’s shoulder with one hand as he stood next to him. “Ooh, thanks for grabbing this,” Sirius said as he picked up his pumpkin-flavored coffee. He took a sip of it, still standing with a hand on Remus’s shoulder. Remus wondered if the barista was watching, but he also noticed that Sirius was taller than him in this position, and tried to mentally focus on bee breeding rather than its human counterpart.

“Okay, let’s get down to business, shall we?” Sirius asked, as he opened his laptop. 

Remus nodded as he took another sip of his chai.

“I’m starting with the personal questions, so I can report the fact that I actually interviewed a primary source for the unit. Your name?” He asked with a flourish of his hand.

“Remus Lupin,” Remus answered with a small smile.

“Occupation?”

“Full-time beekeeper, field-trip leader,” Remus answered as Sirius clicked away on the keys. “Oh, and part time foot fetish sex therapist.” Sirius started to type his answer before looking up and laughing.

“Oh so he’s funny, too. Age?”

“Twenty-four.”

“How long have you been beekeeping?”

“Hm. I suppose most of my life. Maybe eighteen years or so?”

“Impressive. How about your Zodiac sign?”

“I feel like we’re digressing from the interview here.”

“Just for that, I would peg you for a Virgo.”

“And if I don’t believe in astrology?”

“Even more of a Virgo.”

“What if I actually don’t know what my sign is?”

“Wait really? When is your birthday?”

“May twenty-eighth.”

“Oh my god.”

“What?”

“You’re a Gemini.”

“Is that bad?”

“No, it’s just, I don’t know. Funny. Geminis are supposed to be kind of snarky. I can see it.” Sirius leveled Remus with a look above his laptop screen. 

“So, bee biology?” Remus asked. He didn’t like being in the spotlight on the best of days, and right now he felt like he was under a very focused magnifying glass.

“We’re almost done with the personal questions,” Sirius assured. “Favorite movie?” 

“Fine, but you have to start answering them too, then. Do I say something sophisticated and mature or do I say the movie that I’ve seen a hundred times and could recite from memory?”

“Is it a kids’ movie? It’s definitely a kids’ movie. Which one?”

“Chronicles of Narnia, Prince Caspian.” Remus answered. “Growing up, I think it took me a while to realize I was a little too focused on Prince Caspian to be heterosexual.” He suddenly blushed, realizing that he hadn’t exactly discussed his sexuality with Sirius before, even though the other man had.

Sirius seemed to take the knowledge in stride. “I think I could make a convincing Prince Caspian for Halloween, what do you think?” He threw his hair back dramatically.

“Okay, your turn,” Remus interrupted, his blush unrelenting. “Favorite movie?”

Sirius laughed. “Can I say all of the Lord of the Rings movies? But like, specifically for Legolas only.” Remus shook his head with quiet laughter. 

It took a while, and they were mostly finished with their drinks beforehand, but they eventually discussed bee biology and reproduction. 

“Basically, a male honey bee is just half the DNA from any single female bee. It doesn’t even have to be the queen, any worker can lay unfertilized eggs that become drone bees. To make a female bee, however, the egg needs to be fertilized, meaning it effectively has two parents. That’s why a male bee only has one mother and no father. But since the female bee that is its mother must have had a mother _and_ father, all male bees have a grandfather. Hence, male bees have a grandpa but no dad.”  
Sirius nodded along, and took some notes. “I think I can teach about this when I talk about the human sex chromosomes. This would totally complement the more traditional lessons about the genetics that go into determining a human’s sex. I’ll definitely add a day in there for sex versus gender, a day for what it means to be trans, and all of the results that can happen aside from just male and female, but talking about bees will be really cool!”

They spent some more time together at the coffee shop, both brainstorming for Sirius’s project and coming up with elaborate pranks for James. When Sirius tried to convince Remus to loan him one of the empty cardboard boxes that had warnings of live bees inside, so he could plant it outside James’s bedroom, Remus tried to put his foot down.

“They don’t know me well enough yet, I don’t want to get kicked out of the friend group already!” Remus protested.

“Don’t worry, they like you a lot. So do I. You’re stuck with us.” Sirius smiled.

Remus tried to nod without making a fool of himself, but found that his throat felt kind of tight after the compliments and assurance of friendship.

“Anyway,” Sirius continued, “you’re probably right. The stationary empty box isn’t good enough. What if we walk into his house, wearing bee suits and carrying the empty box, but then I trip and drop it, and the lid flies off. I think he would pee his pants.”

“That,” Remus tried to say without laughing, “is absolutely diabolical. I could never do that.”

“It’s a good thing I know where to find one of those boxes and sexy bee suits then, isn’t it?” Sirius challenged.

Remus finally gave into his laughter. 

***

On Thursday morning, Remus tried to focus on preparing for his upcoming field trip in the afternoon. Instead, his thoughts kept drifting back to Sirius. They had spent hours together in the coffee house two days prior, and Remus was sure they would have spent more time there if Sirius didn’t eventually have a class to leave for. Conversation flowed easily, ranging from bee biology, to James and Lily, to funny stories about visitors at the farm. When Sirius talked fondly about his first grade students in the class he observes one day a week, Remus loved the infectious energy in the shorter man. His whole face lit up, and his passion and ambition was palpable. 

Remus loved watching people talk about things that they are passionate about. The last date he had gone on, which was just after he prematurely inherited the farm, and only agreed to because his cousins cornered him after the memorial, hadn’t been exciting or interesting, mostly because the other man didn’t seem to have anything in his life that he actually cared about. 

Remus was by no means a self-aggrandizer, but he was disappointed that his date didn’t seem interested in learning more about his day-to-day goings-on with the bees or visitors, things which Remus obviously cared about. After talking about the most generic popular music artists and most generic Netflix shows, the date ended early. At twenty-four, Remus knew that his love life was far from over, but he also knew that he had specific qualities he wanted in a partner, simple metrics that somehow excluded a lot of men: having passions and ambitions. A good sense of humor helps, too.

Remus was torn between thinking there could be something more between him and Sirius, and wanting to preserve the new kinship he felt with all three: James, Lily, and Sirius. Their group chat had been active since last weekend, and Remus wasn’t ready to give that up yet by making things awkward if Sirius wasn’t interested. Or worse, if he was, but then lost interest in Remus right away. Remus didn’t even need to be a pessimist to know whose side the man Sirius referred to as his brother would choose in the event of a breakup. He could almost hear his mom’s voice telling him, in her exasperated but fond tone, that he is allowed to enjoy things. For now, though, he would be enjoying the friendship, plain and simple. 

Shaking his head, he returned to setting his props up for the afternoon visit. When everything was in place on both the front and back porches, he started tidying and child-proofing the living room, hallway, and bathroom. The field trips were designed to take place completely outdoors, but Remus knew better than to expect six year-olds to forgo the bathroom for two hours. 

Soon enough, Remus was pacing in the kitchen, expecting the school bus or a phone call to come at any minute. Teachers usually called ahead to let him know they were on their way if they were running late, as wrangling twenty children onto a bus understandably took longer than one would deem necessary. As if on cue, the landline rang.

“How do you feel about surprises?” Sirius’s voice immediately sounded after Remus picked up. 

“Wow, that’s ominous. Also, you calling right now  _ is _ a surprise, since I was expecting a teacher confirming a school trip.”

“Nobody tells me anything,” Sirius said, and Remus realized he was walking somewhere with a lot of background noise, like a crowded hallway. “I just got to the elementary school, because today is my observation day, and it turns out my kids left without me! Well, I suppose they have their teacher. And probably a few chaperones. But still.” Remus laughed, picturing Sirius’s faux annoyance, maybe waving his arms around while talking. “The lovely office aide told me that they just left for a field trip, and guess where it’s going!”

“Oh my god,” Remus said. “Really?”

“Yep! And they gave me your number so I could call and ask if it’s okay if their little old student teacher joins for the day, seeing as he didn’t yet sign a waiver.” Sirius laughed. “I didn’t tell them I already had your cell number.”

“Wow, what are the odds,” Remus mused thoughtfully. “Of course you can come, if you get here later you can just walk around to the back. Are you driving separately then, if your bus already left?” Remus looked out the window, making sure the mentioned bus wasn’t already driving down the road. 

“Sure am, and it’s awfully convenient too, since this way I’ll be able to prove my motorcycle’s existence to you.” 

“Good. I’m excited.” Remus smiled. “Okay, I’ll see you soon then. Drive safe on the gravel roads,” he couldn’t help but add, feeling like Minnie. 

“I will,” Sirius assured. “See you soon.” 

***

The field trip was going great until Sirius showed up. Remus had told the kids all about being a beekeeper, answered questions correctly, and showed off most of the tools of the trade. He even remembered to pass around an empty spray bottle this time; sometimes he would forget and give children the one filled with actual sugar water, which would only ever end in tears. The teacher and chaperones were all helpful and kind, and they were maintaining control across all twenty-five students. That is, until the motorcycle pulled up the drive. 

Half the students jumped up, ignoring the cardboard box Remus was holding, and ran over to Sirius, who was effortlessly tying his hair back after taking off his helmet, somehow looking as if he were in a shampoo commercial.

Little voices shouted variations of “Sirius!”, “he’s here!”, and “Sirius I didn’t know you had a motorcycle that’s so cool my mom said that one time she drove a motorcycle but it was before I was born but maybe one day I can get a motorcycle and then we could race what do you think Sirius?”

Sirius laughed along with them, greeting them all warmly. He expertly pried little hands from his person and bike, coaxing them into school-appropriate high fives and fist bumps. Remus was impressed but not surprised to see how much the students liked their student teacher. Their real teacher, who, after giving a quick greeting to Sirius, was trying to convince the kids to sit back down and listen up, but was being promptly ignored.

“Okay, okay, you little rascals,” Sirius spoke up, eliciting giggles, “let’s all sit down and listen to Mr. Lupin.” Sirius promptly sat, legs crossed, in the middle of the porch, while all of the other chaperones and the teacher were standing or sitting in chairs at the back. The children quickly copied their student teacher, jostling for position. Close-by to Sirius seemed to be the most in-demand location.

“It’s just Remus, but thank you.” Remus said finally, smiling at Sirius. He carried on with the field trip. 

Eventually, it was time to show the students the bees up close. They would be divided into smaller groups, so that only one group was suited up at a time. Usually, Remus would communicate this plan and leave it up to the teacher to decide how to split the class. To his surprise, Sirius was the one to take the lead. Two minutes later, the students were grouped in four different corners of the porch, each with an adult chaperone, team name, animal mascot, and signature dance move. Remus stood by the teacher, Mr. D., in awe, as Sirius taught the fourth and final team their dance move. 

“How does he have this much energy?” Remus asked.

Mr. D., or Al, as Sirius had referred to him when telling stories, shook his head in amusement. “No idea. But he’s the best student teacher I’ve ever had.” Remus couldn’t help but feel a rush of pride for Sirius.

As it turned out, in grouping the students, Sirius had kept himself free of any one particular team. Instead, he told Remus he wanted to help him with the bees for each group. Soon enough, the two men were suited up (Remus wearing a full suit this time, in order to be a good role model of safety for the kids), and leading the first group of little ones to the hives. In their child-sized bee suits they looked like little marshmallows, Sirius whispered. 

The first three rotations passed without incident. Remus found that it was easier to have someone already familiar with the bees helping him out, and Sirius was an expert at re-focusing the attention of six and seven year-olds. 

During the fourth rotation, before they even got to the first hive, one of the little marshmallows tripped and fell. The child looked fine, but immediately began crying inconsolably. The parent chaperone who had been with this group all afternoon tried intervening, but nothing was working. Eventually, Sirius led the student a little ways further from the bees. Remus watched as Sirius unzipped the top portion of his bee suit, and reached in to grab a bandaid from one of his pockets. He asked the crying child where it hurt, and after a moment’s consideration the kid pointed to his right knee. Sirius quickly taped the bandaid there, on top of the small bee suit. The child immediately stopped crying. 

***

Sirius stood with Remus as the students and chaperones boarded their bus to return to school and go home. When Sirius offered to help Remus clean things up, reminding him that he had his own transportation home anyway, Remus gladly accepted. 

Later, at 4:30pm, the men were sitting on the front porch, drinking iced tea and talking. “Why did you put the bandaid on top of the kid’s clothes?” Remus finally got to ask.

Sirius laughed. “Bandaids are magic. I did it because I knew it would work, and it took less effort than helping the kid climb out of the bee suit and having to prove to him that his knee wasn’t actually injured.” 

Remus nodded. “You’re really good with the kids. You’re going to be a great teacher.”

“Thank you,” Sirius said, with a smile.

“And a great godfather.” 

Sirius nodded once, looking towards the horizon in thought. “I hope so.”

“Hey, it’s getting late.” Remus said.

“Oh, sorry, do you want me to get out of your hair? I can go whenever.”

“No, you’re fine, I just thought–” Remus hurried to say. “Do you want to make dinner here? With me?” When Sirius smiled and looked back at Remus, Remus continued. “I have a lot of fresh vegetables that I don’t want to go bad, so I was thinking of doing a stir-fry? If that sounds okay to you?”

“That sounds perfect.” Sirius grinned.

***

The kitchen was large, but it felt like Remus was always bumping into Sirius while they cooked. Part of that was probably caused by Sirius not knowing where anything in the kitchen was, so whenever Remus needed a specific utensil or ingredient, Sirius would unknowingly be in the way. Sirius kept overcorrecting when Remus asked him to scoot a tiny bit over so he could open a drawer, moving his entire setup of cutting board, vegetables, and bowls. Eventually Remus resulted to moving the shorter man out of the way by lightly grabbing his hips. 

After the first time, he apologized and hastily withdrew his hands. Sirius merely laughed. “You’re fine, Remus,” he said. “If you’re going to stay friends with James and Lily and I, you’ll have to get used to a lot of touching and platonic affection. James is big on hugs, if you haven’t already noticed.”

Remus nodded, his fixed smile not reaching his eyes. Nonetheless, it was a good reminder of his own conclusions from the morning. He would become friends with Sirius, and not let himself worry about diving into something more. You can’t be easily broken up with as a friend, he reminded himself. You can, however, be easily broken up with and subsequently never seen again by a boyfriend or the boyfriend’s friends, who you happened to enjoy as friends too, until you made your friendship conditional by dating their friend. 

As he pulled out a large skillet from a cabinet that was mercifully not blocked by Sirius’s body, Remus willed himself to forget about it, at least for the rest of the night. 

Conversation started to flow easily between them, soon punctuated by sizzling vegetables and the slightly staticy music coming from Sirius’s phone. Remus knew he had a bluetooth speaker around somewhere, but doubted it was charged. Besides, listening directly from Sirius’s phone perched above the stove felt more cozy. 

Sirius had shuffled his entire library, and after each song ended he would spend a few moments skipping the upcoming tracks until it landed on one he wanted. In the middle of a jumble of opening beats of songs, Remus recognized the soft guitar waltz-ing intro to one. “Wait, don’t skip this one,” he called out, and then after a moment, “you like Kesha?”

“I very much like Kesha,” Sirius answered. “For her party anthems, yes, but also that girl can write some heartbreakingly-good singer-songwriter music as well.”

“Yes!” Remus agreed. “I feel like people don’t appreciate those songs enough. This one has been one of my favorites of hers. For some reason I feel like it’s relatable.” The music of Kesha’s song “Godzilla” continued to fill the room.

“Me too,” Sirius answered quietly. After a second of looking intently into the distance, he spoke up again. “I may not have dated a fifty-foot tall monster, but I think being gay sort of fits that description with the whole ‘what do you get when you take godzilla to meet your mom’ line.”

Remus nodded. “Maybe that’s it. I started learning this one on guitar actually, I like it so much.”

Sirius grinned. “You can play guitar too? Amazing, showstopping, incredible. Please tell me you sing as well. But first,” his face turned serious for a moment, “can I ask you something?”

Knowing what was coming, Remus just nodded.

“Can I ask you about your sexuality?”

“Yeah, um. I’m gay,” Remus answered. He had said it hundreds of times in the past, but there is always something about telling someone new that transports him back to being fifteen all over again. It’s worse when he’s managed to form a connection with someone before it comes up, because then he feels like he’s been lying to them, but then he feels guilty because he knows he isn’t hiding anything so he shouldn’t feel like it’s a lie, but then he feels guilty that he naturally “passes” as straight in the first place and is less likely to be harassed for his sexuality, but then what is “passing” and why is straight the norm, and on and on and on.

“Cool, thanks for telling me,” Sirius answered, unaware of Remus’s internal monologue. “Now back to this whole guitar and potentially singing thing–”

The night flew by quickly. Remus felt comfortable with Sirius, and loved the domesticity of cooking dinner with him. He hadn’t cooked a full meal in this kitchen for someone other than himself since before his parents passed. Eventually, they were saying their goodbyes.

“Hey, we need to hang out again soon,” Sirius stated.

“Yeah, I would like that!” Remus answered. “Lily is actually coming over tomorrow to meet Noodle, and if all goes well we’ll get lunch or something after. I’ll talk to her about her schedule, but I would love to have all three of you over sometime soon.”

“That would be great. And,” Sirius said, drawing out the word, “if you’re going to help James and Lily each with a fear, it’s really only fair that you help me with one too.” He ended with a hopeful head tilt, reminiscent of a large friendly dog. 

“The dark?” Remus asked, immediately turning on an extra lamp. “I’ll think about it,” he ended, with a smile that he hoped looked more coy than anxious.

“Okay,” Sirius replied. “Thanks again for dinner, I had a lot of fun today. But, I better get back soon if I’m going to finish my essay due tomorrow morning.” 

“You’re welcome for dinner. And, oh god, I’m so sorry I kept you from your homework for so long!” 

Sirius smiled fondly, as if Remus were a puzzle he didn’t quite get just yet, but still enjoyed the satisfaction of fitting a new piece into place. If it happened at a slower pace than with someone else, it was with more meaning. “Goodnight Remus,” Sirius said, opening his arms for a hug. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music in this chapter: ["Hasta la Raíz" by Natalia Lafourcade](https://youtu.be/IKmPci5VXz0) and ["Godzilla" by Kesha](https://youtu.be/3saUauO80Cc)


	4. A Slithering Warning

“Hi Remus, hold on, wait, stop. You’re not holding the snake already are you?” Lily looked up from her seat in the car, one hand on the half-open door, the other paused, hovering slightly above the seat belt release. 

Remus laughed. “No Lily, I’m not a monster; I’m not holding the snake yet. Come on!” He reached out a hand to pull her up. Lily looked around appreciatively and smiled, before pulling Remus into a hug. Remus was careful not to get too close to her stomach, not wanting to jostle the baby. 

“I like the farm already. It’s beautiful, and so much quieter than the city.” Lily locked her car with a beep, and stashed her keys back into her purse. 

Remus accepted the compliment, and welcomed Lily inside. Soon enough, they were sitting on the floor in the library, and Lily was getting ready to face her fear. “Okay, she’s been pretty sleepy this morning since it’s not super warm today. I’m going to pick her up first, and then let you get used to seeing her up close before you can hold her.”

Lily nodded, but made a small noise of surprise when Remus picked up Noodle. “Hey, don’t worry, yeah?” Remus reassured. “You’re not wearing a bee suit, but I assure you you are a hundred times safer than James was when I exposed him to thousands of bees. Plus, you’re not hypoglycemic right?”

Lily gave a little laugh, and Remus took that as good encouragement. He sat next to her, with Noodle still curled up in his hands. “Some people say that they don’t like the way that snakes move, and that’s where they think their fear stems from. What do you think?”

“I don’t know if it’s the movement, they just seem sort of… scary?” Lily’s voice had started to trail off, but sounded at a normal volume again on her last word. “That just sounds stupid now that I’m saying it though.” She laughed.

“No, it’s definitely not stupid, hey, how about some fun facts to think about? Rosy boa snakes are one of the slowest snakes in the world, and they aren’t going to bite you. Even if she did, their venom isn’t really dangerous to humans. Oh, look, she’s starting to warm up.” Sure enough, the snake began to stretch and move sinuously down Remus’s forearm.

“Okay, the logic may be helping,” Lily said. “Can I try to pet her?” Remus nodded and modeled gently stroking the snake with two fingers. Lily took a deep breath before reaching out to copy him, holding her other hand over her baby bump protectively. 

“Oh my god I’m doing it. Wow this is actually so cool? I’m petting a snake. Okay.” Lily laughed.

“Would you like to know that you sound exactly like James when he warmed up to the bees?” 

“We’re adorable, what can I say?” Lily countered. 

A little while later, Lily began to hold Noodle, and a little while after that, her heart rate returned to normal. Remus snapped a picture of her smiling, face right next to Noodle, and sent it to the group chat. James immediately responded with heart eye emojis, and Sirius with explanation points. 

“You did awesome, how do you feel about snakes now?” Remus asked. They were in the kitchen, Lily at a stool with Noodle on her shoulder, and Remus was pouring glasses of water and opening a bag of pretzels. 

“All snakes total? Maybe still not my favorite thing. But I think I’m in love with this one. She’s too cute to be afraid of. And feeling her slither on your arm is so weirdly-cool.”

“I’m glad to hear that. It sounds like that may be one more fear crossed off the list then.”

“I think so. Hey, thank you for taking the time to help me with this. Also, thank you for being the beekeeper that Sirius found. I’m glad we’re friends.” She said sincerely.

Remus smiled. “I am too.”

“Are you still free after this?” Lily asked. “Because I’m free and I’m kind of dying to get a pumpkin spice latte.” Her hopeful smile reminded Remus of both James and Sirius.

“Why do you people like those things?” Remus asked. “When I got coffee with Sirius he got some sweet pumpkin thing too.” 

“I have an excuse,” Lily said, gesturing to her baby bump, then leveled him with a look. “Sirius didn’t tell me you got coffee together.” She said mildly. 

“Oh, it was when he interviewed me for his class project,” Remus waved one arm dismissively. “But yeah, let’s go get your pregnant self some sugary pumpkin-flavored  _ decaf _ coffee. Who’s driving?”

***

Remus drove his truck, with Lily in the passenger seat, to the nearest Starbucks. When they pulled into the drive through, Lily beat him to the order. 

“We’d like two small decaf pumpkin spice lattes, please,” she said in a loud voice, grinning at Remus’s pained facial expression. 

When asked if that was all, Remus found his voice again. “Is it possible to make one of those with, like, half of the normal amount of sugar?” 

“We can do half the pumpkin syrup, does that sound good?” The barista’s robotic voice said through the speaker.

“Um. Yes, that’s perfect.” Remus said, then mouthed to Lily,  _ what the fuck is pumpkin syrup? _ She laughed, and he put the truck back in gear to pull up to the window. 

When Lily took a sip of her drink, she sighed. “This,” she said, holding it aloft like a shrine, “is what I have been missing.”

“This,” Remus said, copying her, before taking his first sip as well, “is kind of gross? But also kind of good? Hm, maybe I’d get it again if I could do like one-fourth of the pumpkin syrup.”

Lily gasped in surprise. “Baby’s first PSL! Smile for a picture.” She snapped an image of Remus, with her cup in the foreground, and sent it along with the caption “his first pumpkin spice latte!!!” to the group chat. Sirius immediately responded “no way!”

Conversation was easy. They seamlessly alternated between exchanging funny stories from the past week, and talking over the finer points of the books they had both read. Just after discussing at length the proper ranking of all of Jane Austen’s novels, Remus was scandalized to discover that Lily hadn’t yet seen Downton Abbey. 

“Lily, you would absolutely  _ love _ this show.” He put down his reluctantly-pumpkin-flavored coffee into the cup holder for emphasis. “We need to watch it together, I’ve been looking for an excuse to rewatch.” 

“Okay, I’ll bite,” Lily said. “What if we watch the first one this weekend?”

“Yes, I’m very much down. Actually, I wanted to invite all of you over for dinner this weekend anyway. We could get movie snacks and force the boys to watch the first episode with us too.”

“I’d love that.” She said, smiling. “How about tomorrow?”

***

After Remus explained yet another anecdote from Sirius’s class visit to the farm about how great Sirius was with the kids, Lily shifted in her seat slightly and put her own drink into the cup holder as well. “Remus, I don’t want to be too forward here, but I just want to say something, out of love for you.”

Remus shifted nervously. “Well, that’s not ominous at all,” he said in a joking tone.

“It’s just that-” Lily started, then stopped. “I love Sirius like a brother. I mean, I kind of have to, I used to refer to James as my boyfriend, and Sirius as my boyfriend’s boyfriend, but you get it. I love Sirius, but he can be kind of shallow sometimes.” She took a breath, and Remus let her continue without interruption.

“Shallow maybe isn’t the best word, maybe more like, bored easily? In all my years of knowing him, he’s never really been in a successful long-term relationship, and that’s been mostly his doing. He’s shifted through phases of casual dating, to flings, to nothing at all.” Lily picked her coffee back up, but didn’t drink from it.

“I don’t want to assume that I know how you feel about him, but my point is, he may not be the best person to go for if you’re looking for something long-term. He doesn’t really do commitment.” She paused, seemingly considering how much to say, before adding “or monogamy.”

Remus took a moment to think. He had already been telling himself not to get his hopes up for something happening with Sirius, but that was before their whole dinner and evening together went so well. This conversation just emphasized what he already told himself was the right choice: just friends. He thought for a minute more, before picking up his cup again, and slowly speaking up. “Are you saying that he has cheated in previous relationships?” He couldn’t help but ask.

Lily made a pained facial expression. “Look, I really like you, Remus. I don’t want you to end up getting hurt because you weren’t warned ahead of time. Just, I want to keep this friendship going, with all of us, James and Sirius too.”

Remus nodded. What she really meant, was that there would be no “sides” in the event of it not working out. If Remus was stupid enough to try anything with Sirius, then he was risking his friendship with all of them. Even if Sirius was in the wrong. Because Lily made it clear that they had stood by Sirius in the past, and would do so again, if Remus was correct in his understanding of reading between the lines. 

His time with Lily ended on a positive note, but the back of his mind was still reeling through her words about Sirius. He triumphantly thought for a moment that if she was bringing it up, then maybe she had noticed that Sirius was interested. But, he realized how stupid that line of thinking was. Of course she had noticed, and that was precisely the reason she had brought it up. The difference was in intention. If Sirius was interested in Remus and only intended to have a one-night stand with him, then they obviously weren’t compatible in the first place. Even if Sirius  _ was  _ thinking longer term, it seemed like Lily’s warning held up. They could start to date, and Sirius could suddenly lose interest, or maybe even cheat on him. Remus was a huge supporter of communicating and working through problems, but he knew where his lines were drawn, and cheating was a definite deal-breaker. 

He sighed. His life was so much better now that it was a few months ago, just by having met some new great friends. However, it was also more complicated. Getting close to other people seems to have a way of doing that, although, as Remus would later admit to his journal, sometimes feeling complicated is better than feeling nothing at all. 

***

When Remus walked back inside the farmhouse, after saying goodbye to Lily at her parked car, he was beginning to feel the crash from the sugary coffee. Since there was still another good hour of daylight left, he swiped a granola bar on his way to pick up his current bee observation journal. 

Checking on the hives always felt grounding, even if he wasn’t as completely surrounded by bees as he was while catching a swarm. Remus was wearing a bee jacket and hood, but no gloves. He did a slow loop through most of the hives, journal in hand, jotting down notes about which hives looked healthy, whether they looked ready for a honey-harvest, or if they would need a little extra support as winter approached. It was only the end of September, but much of the readily available floral resources were declining. One hive had a few frames completely filled with brood cells, and he made a note to add another box on top tomorrow. He hoped that this hive would rather grow than split, especially at this time of year, since it had been very productive thus far. 

When Remus got to the hive that Sirius and he had caught together, he smiled. Remus had moved the bees alone, from their cardboard box into their current wooden box, two days after collecting them with Sirius, but he had still noted the box as “Sirius’s Hive” on the label. After cracking open the lid and peering inside, Remus happily transcribed a positive report. 

Remus instinctively fished his phone out of his pocket, planning to send a picture to Sirius. He stopped before opening Sirius’s thread on the messaging app. If he was going to take Lily’s advice, and if he was going to preserve himself from getting hurt, he needed to be careful. Going out of his way to start up conversations with the other man was not a good idea. Remus sighed as he locked the phone, and finished his sweep through the hives.

As he walked back into the kitchen, with the sun just starting to set, Remus retrieved his phone from his pocket again, but this time opened the group text thread to all three of his new friends. He sent the invite for tomorrow night’s dinner that he had already discussed with Lily, before setting his phone down on the counter and wandering towards the bathroom. He hadn’t spent that much time with the bees, but the jacket he had worn maintained a semi-permanent smell of smoke, and his jumbled thoughts could benefit from a long shower as well. 


	5. Cooking, Music, and Unsaid Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: brief mentions of past domestic violence and past abuse

Remus sat on the steps of the back porch with his half-full mug of coffee. It was still a little warm, although it had been left unattended on the counter for at least an hour while its owner started tonight’s dinner in the slow cooker. Since the weather was starting to get cooler, Remus was finally able to pull out the winter recipes he had been missing, and having three other people over tonight meant he was making a large pot of smokey chili and a full skillet of buttery cornbread. Having gotten the chili started in the slow cooker meant that Remus had the rest of the day to clean and prepare for his guests. 

After finishing his coffee, Remus connected his phone to the bluetooth speaker he had recharged a few days ago, and shuffled all songs from his music library. He skipped a few until landing on Ingrid Michaelson’s “Celebrate.” Once the opening percussive guitar plucking started, Remus clicked the volume up twice, and started cleaning. He sang along, and started to feel better about tonight’s predicament. He wasn’t exactly sure where he stood with Sirius, but he knew that he had been able to be friends with him thus far, and was confident that they could maintain their friendship, even after his conversation with Lily. 

Remus aired out the unused bedrooms and made sure there were fresh sheets (in case they spent the night), cleaned the bathrooms and put away all of the things he actually used (because company shouldn’t know that their host uses deodorant, instead seashells and candles should be on the counter), and dusted the white wall on one side of the back porch (so their episode of Downton Abbey could be projected upon it later). Finally, it was three in the afternoon, and Remus was ready to relax in the library for a while. He pulled out his old and worn copy of _Persuasion_ by Jane Austen. Lily had claimed that it was more humorous than _Pride and Prejudice_ , and Remus was going to check her facts for her.

***

At 4:30pm, Remus heard the sound of tires coming down the gravel drive. He realized he had never given his guests a time to arrive, but hoped no one would be disappointed that dinner wouldn’t be ready until after six. Remus opened the front door and stepped outside, wanting to see who had come so early. It was Sirius, currently swinging one leg over the motorcycle and removing his helmet. Remus watched as he ran his fingers through his hair a few times, before trying to check his reflection in the viser. Remus alerted Sirius to his presence with a stifled laugh.

Sirius’s face was a bit red as he turned to face Remus. “Hi there.”

“Hi,” Remus returned, “you’re here early.”

“Thought I’d help you get everything ready,” Sirius said with a casual smile, then suddenly furrowed his eyebrows. “Is that okay? I should’ve texted you first, I guess.”

Remus smiled. “No, no, you’re totally fine. Come in!”

Sirius joined him on the porch and embraced him in a warm hug. Remus realized that they were nearly the same height, due to Sirius’s Doc Martens and Remus’s socks. “I brought you a host gift!” Sirius said as they stepped back from the hug. He handed the candle to Remus.

“An Earl Grey scented candle?” Remus questioned, letting his eyes travel up from the candle in his hands to Sirius’s hopeful facial expression. 

“I got it because you don’t like the dark either, and I thought about getting a honey-scented one, but that seemed too on-the-nose, and I thought you would be a tea person, based on what you brought to James and Lily’s last week.”

Remus smiled. “I love it. Thank you.”

As it turned out, there wasn’t much to prepare for, since Remus had done most of the work in the morning. They decided to make brownies together, even though Lily had promised to bring all of the “unhealthy movie snacks” for tonight. Sirius was more familiar with the kitchen layout than last time, but Remus still had to push him out of the way a few times, playfully and platonically, he told himself. When Sirius licked the batter off of the mixing spoon, Remus protested. “Hey, that has raw egg in it!”

Sirius laughed, before setting his face into a serious stare and winking as he licked the spoon again. “The eggs were pasteurized,” he said in a seductive tone. 

Remus’s face was on fire, and he tried to make his mind focus on anything but Sirius’s teasing. “You can get E. coli from uncooked flour,” he said resolutely, and turned away from Sirius, who continued to laugh. Remus concentrated on putting the pan of brownies into the hot oven and setting a timer on his phone.

Soon enough, the kitchen smelled like a wonderful mixture of brownies and Earl Grey tea, with a hint of the warm spices in the chili, which complemented the others. The men stood side-by-side to wash the dishes at the sink. Every other measuring cup or spoon handed to Remus to rinse was accompanied by a playful flick of water from Sirius. Remus laughed, not minding if his shirt got a little wet. He intended to change into nicer clothes before James and Lily arrived anyway, Sirius’s early arrival having prevented him from doing so already. 

When Sirius picked up the mixing bowl that had been used for the brownies, he swiped a finger through the residual batter. Remus caught his wrist before Sirius could bring his hand up to his mouth. “Salmonella, E. coli, food poisoning!” Remus listed.

“But it tastes so good!” Sirius whined. “Here, you try it.” Remus was still holding Sirius’s wrist, but loosely, as he watched Sirius bring his hand up to Remus’s mouth. He swiped the batter against Remus’s bottom lip lightly, and Remus’s stomach of butterflies kicked into overdrive. 

Remus licked his lips, but had no idea what the brownie batter tasted like, instead very distracted by his proximity to the raven-haired man. Sirius’s eyes flicked from Remus’s eyes down to his lips, once, twice, then he started to lean in. 

Alarm bells went off in Remus’s head, and he stepped away from Sirius quickly, eyes wide with shock. 

“Sorry, I, uh,” Sirius said, body frozen in place and head now turned ninety degrees away from Remus. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s, um,” Remus started. “I just, need to change my clothes, um, I’ll be right back.” He gestured to the water spots on his shirt that were already starting to dry, but Sirius still wasn’t looking at him.

Remus realized he should talk to Sirius like the mature adult that he is, but he had already started walking down the hallway, and decided to give himself the time it took to change into a dark blue button down shirt and jeans to think. As he walked up the stairs to his bedroom, he let his mind think a steady stream of “fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck,” but once he crossed through the threshold he stopped. He liked Sirius, and he liked the fact that Sirius was showing interest in him. He would have liked to kiss Sirius in the kitchen just now, and he would have liked to drag Sirius up to the bedroom where he is currently taking his shirt off by himself (to put a new shirt on, but still). What he didn’t like, was the uncertainties in their situation. Remus could go with the flow in most aspects, but not this. He needed to know if Sirius was in all the way, or if it even made sense to risk trying a real relationship if he could end up losing some great friends if it didn’t work. 

By the time Remus had changed, and was checking himself in the mirror, he had calmed down most of the way. He just needed to have an honest conversation with Sirius, tell him how he felt, and go from there. He’ll do it right now, he decided, as he walked down the stairs. “Sirius, I think we need to talk,” he called, as he walked into the kitchen, and saw James and Lily standing still in the doorway, Sirius’s face trying to decide between surprise and embarrassment. 

Remus’s eyes widened momentarily, but he tried to recover in time. “...about letting strangers into my house, you know I am the host here.” He finished lamely, but smiled when James laughed and clapped him on the back. Lily gave him a smile and a hug, but when she pulled back her eyes questioned him. Well, Remus thought, at least he had convinced James that nothing was wrong.

“Ooh, the gift, Lily,” James started excitedly. “The host gift for the host!” James rifled through the two tote bags they brought, unearthing a mountain of movie snacks onto Remus’s kitchen island. 

“Wow, Lily, you weren’t kidding when you said you were bringing _all_ the unhealthy movie snacks.” Remus said, in awe. 

Sirius seemed to regain his usual extrovertedness, and started picking through the items. “Lily,” he called in a reproachful tone, “one of these things is not like the other ones.” He held up a large jar of dill pickles from the pile of chips, popcorn, candy, and chocolate.

“I’m pregnant!” She answered, indignantly.

James grinned at the exchange, finally having found what he was looking for. “Remus,” he said, “thank you for having us over tonight.” He handed over the set of four stone drink coasters. “They’re bees!” James said, unnecessarily. 

Remus grinned. “They’re awesome. Thanks, you two!” Suddenly, the alarm on his phone went off, and Remus immediately turned to Sirius. “Oh my god, the brownies!” Sirius looked at him, for the first time since whatever incident it was that they had, and they turned their attention to the oven. 

The brownies weren’t overcooked, and Remus set them on top of the stove to cool. 

“You guys made brownies?” Lily asked. “I knew something smelled good.” She gave Remus another questioning look, and he tried to shrug stealthily. It’s not like he had the answers for her anyway, whatever it was that was going on between him and Sirius was apparently not getting addressed, if he was taking any cues from Sirius, that is. 

The dynamics of the group continued to play out, calming Remus’s nerves. James and Lily sat at the kitchen island stools as Remus finished up the cornbread and put it into the oven, while Sirius started to bartend. He had brought along a few items to make mixed drinks, which Lily could easily partake in by excluding the alcohol. When Sirius slid Remus a fresh mint-topped mojito, he thanked him and took a large sip. He had to concentrate on not coughing; it was very strong, which was probably a good thing.

The pranking was not left unperformed. Lily had covertly stolen the bowl of ice cubes from Sirius earlier, and was adding one to James’s glass every time he took a sip. The level of the liquid in his glass stayed almost over-filled for about fifteen minutes, and James didn’t seem to realize something was off even when he kept having to lean down to sip from the completely full glass. 

At one point, Sirius looked up at James suddenly, with wide eyes. “James, don’t panic,” Sirius said, clearly panicking. 

“What? What is it?” James asked, starting to panic.

“Just, just don’t move, oh my god. There’s, um, on your shoulder.”

“Which one, which shoulder?” James demanded, face turning pale. His face was almost completely still, but he started to move away from Lily slowly. Remus couldn’t help but feel affection for the man who tried to protect his girlfriend even in the face of (absent) danger.

“The right shoulder, it’s, no don’t look!” Sirius held a hand out, grimacing, as if deciding between walking closer to James and staying still himself. “It’s… a bee.” He finished in a stage-whisper.

James gasped. He had now backed up all the way to the wall, and his eyebrows were completely hidden under his mess of curls. “Are you sure?” James whispered back, and Sirius nodded. “Or is it really,” James started again, then flung his arm behind him to the light switches and grinned maniacally, “the _dark!”_ He flipped the switches, and Sirius let out a little scream as the room went dark.

Lily cackled in laughter, and there was only a second of darkness before Sirius’s phone flashlight guided his path to James, who he tried to put in a headlock. “Sorry, Remus,” James called from under Sirius’s arm. “Collateral damage from the fear thing, but I hope you agree that it was worth it. If you don’t agree that’s fine too, I still would have done it!” All Remus could do was laugh. As he took another sip of his mojito, Remus remarked that the evening was going to go just fine. 

“All right, I would guess that we’re about fifteen minutes away from dinner!” Remus announced, as he pulled the cornbread out of the oven. 

“Perfect,” Lily said, standing up, “just enough time for James to show me your bees, Remus.”

“I’m, what?” James asked, as Lily took his arm and started walking towards the back porch.

Lily shook her head and laughed quietly. “You’re going to stand a hundred yards away from the bees with me, and tell me about them.” She amended.

When the back door closed, and Sirius and Remus were left in the kitchen, Remus grimaced at the awkwardness of Lily forcing them to be alone together. 

“So.” Sirius started. “You said we should talk?”

“Sirius, I’m so sorry. Also, for yelling that down the stairs without checking to see if anyone else was here yet.” Remus made a pained facial expression.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Sirius said calmly. “Um, I, just.” He started to fiddle with the oven mit Remus had left on the counter earlier. “Can we just be friends? I like being your friend.”

“Yeah,” Remus said, relieved. “I like being your friend too.”

Sirius looked grateful. “I’m sorry for earlier. I guess I wasn’t thinking.”

Remus felt a quick stab of frustration, and wondered if that was the excuse Sirius used when he made mistakes in the past relationships Lily had alluded to. But, he shook it off. “It’s okay,” he said, and meant it. “Hug it out?”

Sirius smiled, and he crossed the gap to hug Remus tightly. “Friends?” He asked.

“Friends.” Remus answered.

***

Dinner went smoothly. Lily’s eyes darted between Sirius and Remus a few times at the start of the meal, until, seemingly having determined that everything was fine, began acting normal again. James was very complimentary of the food, and Sirius agreed that it was perfectly heartwarming for a chilly fall day. Conversation about the season led to conversation about Halloween, which led to James monologuing a litany of Sirius’s past costumes. James and Lily were hosting their annual costume party again this year, and James told Remus he had to come and he “better start brainstorming a good costume now, because you won’t be let inside without one.” Remus only needed to take a glance at Lily’s firm nod to understand that they meant it. 

“Sirius, do you know what you’re going to be this year?” James asked.

“I haven’t thought about it yet, I confess,” Sirius said, gravely.

“I’m sure you’ll be able to find some perfectly respectable costume and rip a few strategic holes in it to make it a slutty-whatever-it-is,” James laughed.

“Hey!” Sirius protested. “I prefer the term ‘sexy-whatever-it-is,’ not ‘slutty,’ and also I’m _a bit_ more original than just ripping pieces of premade costumes.”

“In what ways are you more creative than just ripping pieces of premade costumes?” Lily deadpanned, taking the bait.

Sirius looked at her smugly. “I have also been known to leave some pieces out completely.”

After dinner, the group lounged in the living room. Lily and Remus agreed that they would have the brownies now, and save the movie snacks for during Downton Abbey. 

“Hey, Remus,” Sirius said suddenly, through a mouthful of brownie. “You should bring out your guitar for us!”  
Remus said no at the same time James and Lily both said yes. James started to chant the word “please” over and over, somehow not needing a break for air. Mostly out of shock, Remus found himself getting to his feet to retrieve the guitar from where he had left it earlier in the library. 

After tuning and strumming a few chords, Sirius spoke up again. “He also sings!”

“What? I need to hear this,” James said. “I love live music. The man keeps bees, he cooks, he plays guitar and he sings? Quite the renaissance man, wouldn’t you say, Sirius?”

Remus felt the familiar butterflies in his stomach from having attention on him, and Lily noticed and tried to help him out. “Hey, James,” she said. “Why don’t you sing the first song while Remus plays guitar to get us started here.” Remus looked at her gratefully. James agreed, and shifted to sit closer to Remus. 

“Do you know Hallelujah, from Shrek?”

Remus dissolved into laughter. “What?” James said indignantly. “It’s a great song. It’s a great movie, too.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Remus tried to regain his voice. “It’s just. You know it wasn’t written specifically for that movie, right? Not exactly, tied to the film, as it were.”

“Ah ha! But you know it, don’t you?” James said.

Remus nodded his head amusedly, and started to strum through the chords of the song.

James sang in a hilariously low-pitched voice, at least a full octave lower than his speaking voice. At dramatic parts in the lyrics he dropped to one knee and gestured up towards Lily. After she swatted him away from trying to kiss her hand, he shuffled, still on one knee, to Sirius. All in all, the song sounded good, and Remus thought James’s performance was a perfect tribute to the Shrek franchise.

Next, Remus played Kesha’s song “Godzilla.” Sirius recognized the chords immediately. “You really do know it on guitar!” He said excitedly. Remus sang the first verse through, and his cheeks had turned from flaming red to a less dramatic pink by the time the first chorus started. To his surprise, Sirius joined in to sing harmonies. 

Remus looked up and grinned at Sirius. “I didn’t know you sang too!” They sang the rest of the song together, their voices blending surprisingly well. Remus noticed Lily not-to-subtly recording on her phone. 

“Wow,” James said. “That was so good. I mean, it wasn’t featured in Shrek, but, still. So good.”

As James set about refilling drinks for everyone, Remus’s fingers began strumming idly. Soon enough, he found he was playing the introductory chords to Hozier’s song “Cherry Wine.” Remus lost himself in the song, only barely noticing Lily reach for James’s hand and start gently swaying against him. He closed his eyes as he sang the final chorus.

> “The way she shows me I’m hers, and she is mine
> 
> Open hand or closed fist would be fine
> 
> The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.”

It was only when Remus opened his eyes again after finishing to hear Lily’s gentle snaps and quiet “that was beautiful, Remus,” that he noticed Sirius. The dark-haired man was crying silently, gray eyes looking lighter when contrasted to the bloodshot whites. James was rubbing Sirius’s back gently, and Remus suddenly didn’t know what to do.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius said, in a choked voice. “Your singing was beautiful, I’m not crying because it was bad or anything.” He let out a tear-streaked laugh which turned into a sniff. “The lyrics just, kind of hit close to home for me.” 

Remus suddenly realized what he meant. He cursed himself for casually playing a song written about domestic violence, and stood to grab a box of tissues. 

“Thank you,” Sirius said as Remus handed him the box. “I’m fine, really, sorry for this.”

“No, you’re totally fine, don’t worry,” Remus tried to assure him. James pulled Sirius into a tight hug, and held him for a solid thirty seconds. 

Eventually, Sirius pulled back and rose to his feet. “I’m just going to use the bathroom real quick.”

Once Remus heard the bathroom door click closed, he grimaced and turned to James. “I’m sorry, I really should’ve thought before-”

“You didn’t know, it’s okay,” James cut him off. “His family,” he started, and took in a large breath, “was terrible. _Is_ terrible,” he corrected, “but he’s in a better spot now and he’s going to be fine, he probably just wants a few minutes to himself right now.”

Lily nodded. “We should get the show cued up in the meantime.”

***

When Sirius emerged from the bathroom, he seemed to be totally fine, but Remus still felt a stab of guilt for causing the other man to revisit painful memories. With snacks, blankets, and pillows, they were all ready to press play on Remus’s laptop. 

The back porch of the farmhouse had a large white wall on one end, which was perfect for projecting movies onto. It was chilly outside, but with plenty of blankets and sweaters, they were all comfortable. Fairy lights were wound along the railings, and kept the space just bright enough for Remus to not worry about being in the dark. 

James and Lily had commandeered one corner of the porch, with Lily sitting between James’s legs, leaning back against his chest. Sirius and Remus were more spread out, with Remus in the opposite corner and Sirius somewhere in between. After a minute of quiet shivering, Remus felt another blanket get tossed over his shoulders, and looked up to see Sirius scooting in next to him. “Can’t let you freeze to death just because the pregnant woman took all the blankets,” Sirius said, and Remus smiled at him. 

“Hey, no talking during the show!” James said. Remus quietly laughed. He was glad he had already seen Downton Abbey, since he was distracted by the warmth of Sirius’s arm pressed against his.

After about twenty minutes, Lily called out “pause!” Once Remus paused the show, she hassled her way into a standing position, and explained “the pregnant woman needs to pee.” 

When she went inside, James complained of being cold. He wormed his way under the blankets Sirius and Remus were sharing, and wrapped an arm around both of them. “Now, aren’t we all cosy,” he said, with a shit-eating grin.

When Lily re-emerged, with a jar of pickles in one hand and fork in the other, she cooed. “This is too cute, no one move an inch,” she said as she held the fork in her mouth to take a picture. “Adorable,” she reaffirmed. “But James, come back, I’m cold.”

After the episode ended, the night had gotten noticeably colder, and the snacks (and pickles) had been significantly reduced. The group followed Remus inside, Lily and James settling in on the sofa in the living room while Sirius helped Remus tidy up the kitchen. Eventually, it was time for bed, and Remus showed James and Lily to a guest room, and Sirius to another. Sirius followed Remus back out of the room, however.

Remus had been planning on going back to the kitchen, to check what ingredients he had on hand to throw together in the morning for breakfast, but with Sirius walking behind him as they silently passed James and Lily’s now-closed door, he decided to duck into the library instead. They settled into big leather armchairs facing each other.

“I’m sorry for trying to kiss you today without asking you first, and I’m sorry for jeopardizing our friendship by doing that at all. And I’m sorry for reacting so much when you played that song. It really was beautiful, by the way, I was just taken off guard.” Sirius paused to take a breath. “My parents were abusive, growing up. It’s taken me a lot of time since then, but I’ve been recovering from it. Part of the reason I like working with kids is because I want to be a good adult in their lives, and be able to recognize and help any of them that are going through something like I did.”

Remus nodded, and gave Sirius time to continue before he spoke up. “That must have been really hard, Sirius, I’m sorry you had to go through that. It makes sense that you reacted the way you did to the song, and I promise to be more cognizant of it going forward. Also,” he said with a smile, “you are amazing with the kids. You’re going to be everyone’s favorite teacher, I think you already are.”

Sirius smiled softly. “Thank you.” After a few seconds of silence, Sirius stood from his chair. “Okay, I’m pretty sleepy, so it’s probably bedtime for real now. I just wanted to talk to you beforehand about those things first.”

Remus stood too. “I’m glad you did! You’re pretty special, you know? I really like being friends with you.”

They hugged, then walked back to Sirius’s room, and hugged again before Remus said goodnight and went upstairs to his own room. Remus flopped down onto his bed, and reflected on the evening. A lot had happened. Sirius had tried to kiss him, and Remus had stepped away from it. Remus was glad that they were still on good terms as friends now, but wondered how Sirius really felt. Remus had stepped away from the kiss because he wanted something real, because he was heeding Lily’s warning, and because he didn’t want to mess anything up. He didn’t exactly have a chance to explain that to Sirius, what with Lily and James arriving and all. In the same evening, Remus managed to make Sirius cry by reminding him of his shitty childhood, and later practically cuddle with Sirius during the show. Throughout the whole night, he was also bonding as friends with James and Lily as well.

***

One story below him, and about fifteen feet to the left, Sirius was lying awake in his bed, replaying the same events. In his head, however, Remus had stepped away from the kiss because he simply didn’t have feelings for Sirius. That was fine, he thought, because he could get over his crush on Remus. He just needed time, and maybe also to give dating apps another shot. At least they were still good friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music in this chapter: ["Celebrate" by Ingrid Michaelson](https://youtu.be/v_FhYVU_6Ws), ["Hallelujah" by Rufus Wainwright (from Shrek)](https://youtu.be/7iDfvoqOhD8), ["Godzilla" by Kesha](https://youtu.be/3saUauO80Cc), and ["Cherry Wine" by Hozier](https://youtu.be/m8kXc2rH6dM)


	6. Vaguely Hypothetical Prescriptions

Remus woke slowly, stretching and basking in the slow sunlight creeping through the wide bedroom windows. It wasn’t until he heard noises from downstairs that he remembered he had guests who likely wanted caffeine and breakfast. Remus padded downstairs and made a beeline for the kitchen, intending to start a pot of coffee. To his surprise, James pressed a full mug into his hands as soon as he entered the room. 

“Morning Remus! Hope you don’t mind me raiding your kitchen, I’ve been up for a while and Sirius told me not to wake you.” James said, somehow full of energy already.

Remus smiled as he took a small sip of the coffee and wrapped his fingers around the warm mug. “Morning. You’re totally welcome to use my kitchen, let me know if you need help finding anything.” He looked around and found that the dish drying rack was stacked high, and all of the dirty dishes from last night were no longer in the sink. “You didn’t need to do the dishes!” Remus chastised, looking at James.

“Wasn’t me,” James said, holding his hands up in defense.

“Good morning,” Sirius said, as he walked into the kitchen quietly. “I hope we didn’t wake you.”

“You didn’t need to do the dishes,” Remus echoed, but smiled anyway. 

“Lily’s still asleep, Jamie,” Sirius said, “but I think I could use some breakfast anyway.”

Remus recognized his cue, and got off of his stool to set about assembling a meal. James intercepted him, however.

“Remus, buddy, I appreciate the enthusiasm, but you still look half-asleep,” he said with a grin. “Just point me to a skillet, I reckon I can find the eggs on my own.” Remus yawned, in spite of his best efforts to stifle it, and had to accept defeat.

“Once I finish this cup I’ll help you though,” Remus promised, sinking back into his seat. A few minutes later, James had scrambled eggs in the pan and bread in the toaster, and Sirius was cutting up some fruit. Remus was starting to feel awake enough to set the table, opting to just set down plates and silverware at the kitchen island instead of the dining table. He went to the library to scoop up Noodle, letting her warm up around his half-full coffee mug. 

Lily walked into the kitchen as soon as James was scooping eggs onto the plates. “Careful babe,” he warned her, pointing at Remus with the rubber spatula, “there’s a snake present.” 

“James,” Remus said, with a laugh, “I can already see you being one of those dads with a sixth sense who protects their kid from getting hurt by something.” 

Lily gave James a brief hug from behind, before surprising him by walking over to Remus and stealing the snake to place on her own shoulder. “Good morning to my best friend,” she cooed, before laughing at Sirius and James’s shocked expressions. 

They all settled into a casual breakfast, but not without their signature banter. Eventually, they were all standing on the front porch, saying their goodbyes. Remus briefly wondered if Sirius would stick around at all after James and Lily left, but surprisingly he was the first to go. The shorter man must have noticed something in Remus’s face because he said, almost apologetically, that he would be spending the rest of the day in the library doing homework.

“Ugh, I wish I could spend the rest of the day doing homework,” Lily complained, as Sirius got on his bike. “Today James and I are having a ‘Sunday dinner’ with my slightly racist and fully passive aggressive family. They know I’m pregnant but they haven’t actually seen me since I’ve started to show. I bet they’ll be disappointed all over again to see actual proof of it.”

James gave her hand a supportive squeeze, but laughed without much humor. “Just wait until they see our baby and see actual proof that their grandchild isn’t white.”

Remus grimaced. “Good luck, you know you can always text or call if you need anything.”

They thanked him, and exchanged their final hugs before climbing into their car and driving away from the farm.

***

Remus took a huge bite of the cinnamon chocolate-chip scone Minerva had handed him before he even sat down. He immediately prattled his praise, only semi-intelligible through his mouthful of food, but Minnie preened nonetheless. They were on her porch, tea and scones on the table between them, one cat on Minerva’s lap, and one on the porch rail, stalking an amused-looking crow.

“Tell me about your night, my dear,” Minerva prompted. “Were these the friends you spent last weekend with?”

Remus had a brief realization that nothing gets by her evidently-watchful gaze, and that if he were to ever have an overnight visitor like _that_ she would be the first to know, and would likely call to ask him about it the moment she saw their car or motorcycle drive away the next morning. He told her about how the night went, sparing a few choice details regarding Sirius. 

Minnie listened actively to his stories, before telling a few of her own from the last week. Apparently there had been some drama at her Bridge and Birds club meeting on Wednesday - she had won the poker tournament, but when receiving her winnings discovered that a few members hadn’t actually paid their entrance fee, and her jackpot was significantly reduced. She had convinced the misers to engage in a double-or-nothing final game, but one of the members had a full-time personal nurse who put a stop to it.

“Minnie,” Remus started, trying not to laugh, “Should you really be gambling?” He didn’t know about the state of her finances, but didn’t want her to end up losing everything or getting into a bad habit.

“Remus, my dear,” she said, with a fierce glint in her eyes, “it’s not gambling if you never lose.” 

This time, Remus didn’t hold back his laughter. He shook his head at her fondly, feeling as though he had the coolest grandma in school. Later, when Minerva started to ask about Remus’s love life, he finally asked the question that had been in the back of his mind since last night.

“Hypothetically,” he began, “If you had feelings for someone that you were friends with, but knew it wouldn’t work out, what would you do to get over them?”

Minerva leaned back in her chair, and looked out into the front garden in thought. “I think, hypothetically of course, that I would question my knowledge that it wasn’t going to work out in the first place. What if I was just telling myself that so that I didn’t get my hopes up and get disappointed?”

Remus took a sharp inhale of breath through his nose. He wasn’t trying to hide anything from Minnie, but the quickness at which she understood what he was alluding to and the way she immediately questioned whether the problems were all in his head reminded him of his mother. Hope Lupin used to joke that he should just tattoo the words “you are allowed to enjoy things” on his hand, so that she could stop saying it to him.

“Well.” Remus said. “What if you had it on good authority from their friend that they don’t have a successful history with committed relationships?” 

“Hm,” Minnie answered. “I think I would want to see how it goes with me anyway. I am not the other people they had unlasting relations with.” She petted the now-asleep cat in her lap. “But Remus, sweetie, we’re not talking about me here.”

“No,” Remus answered quietly. “I suppose not.”

“Remus, as long as the friendship is still there, you can always wait. It’s okay to be idle if you have feelings for someone but don’t know how to proceed yet.”

“And if it’s hard to be just friends?”

Silence stretched out after his question. If he was talking to anyone else, Remus may have felt self-conscious, but Minnie had always seemed to understand him, and always met him with a surprising amount of both empathy and thoughtfulness.

“I think there is something powerful about that.” She finally said. “Sometimes, it’s nice to like someone, and revel in all the butterflies and daydreams, without worrying about what exactly you should be doing to get yourself into a relationship with them. Love is powerful, and it exists in many forms. Loving a friend from afar is just as strong as starting to date a friend. Maybe even stronger, because there is no pre-existing script. You’re not going on a date, and then waiting a day, and then giving a call, and then planning a new date, and all the while trying not to show off your lesser qualities, because heaven forbid you scare them off, and then how long is it before you’re dating, and then how long is it before you can really be yourself in front of them. Loving a friend is just, it’s just all the love of friendship - the understanding and the mutual choice to share each other’s company without a romantic end goal - accompanied by the butterflies and the want. And sometimes also the pain of not being more than what you are.”

Remus sat back, impressed. He let silence reign as he turned the words over in his head, and absentmindedly picked up his empty cup. “I think I understand,” he said finally.

Minerva nodded. “I’m glad. But let me ask you this: do you feel ready to date again?” 

Ready to date again after his parents, they both knew she meant. “I think so?” Remus questioned. “But maybe I’m not sure,” he answered honestly.

Minerva nodded again. “Well, in any case, take care of yourself dear. Lord knows I’ll nag you enough if you don’t.”

Remus smiled. 

***

That afternoon, Remus received two text message alerts from the group chat while he was jotting down notes on the hives.

> *Sirius Black has started sharing location*
> 
> Sirius Black: alrighty James and Lils, I’m going to pray to the tinder gods that I don’t get abducted. I’m sure it’ll be a boring and quick drink, but if I’m not home in a couple hours you can start the search party. There is no way in hell I am going home with him after meeting for the first time, and yes I mean that when I say it Lily

Remus felt a pain somewhere in his chest as he stared at the text. “Well,” he said quietly to himself, “I guess that’s what it feels like, then. Exactly what Minnie said.” 

After a few seconds, his phone buzzed again, and he sighed before taking it out of his pocket.

> James Potter: Good luck mate. I’ll kill anyone who messes with you, don’t worry. Also you sent this to all three of us, not just to Lils and I, FYI.

Remus half-tucked his phone back into his pocket and half-held it, thinking. Sirius was going on a date. Sirius was going on a first date, with someone he met on the internet. Sirius texts James and Lily to let them know when he’s going on a first date, to be safe. Sirius does this as a normal routine, because Sirius has gone on a lot of first dates. And Sirius almost kissed him but he stepped away because Lily told him it wouldn’t work and then here it is, not working, as he stands in front of a half-open box of bees with his right hand half in his pocket and a halfway-dull ache in his heart and suddenly a sharp pain at his wrist. 

He looked down at his right hand, confused by the familiar pain that hadn’t been present in so long. Sure enough, a little bee was half-alive and walking around, half-attached to the stinger fully-inserted in the skin of his hand. The bee must have gotten trapped between the pocket of his jeans and his hand, he realized.

“So this is what it feels like, then,” he repeated.

  
  



	7. Entirely Navigable Frustrations

On Thursday afternoon, Remus paced back and forth in front of his closet for all six minutes and two seconds of Peach Pit’s song “Tommy’s Party” played through his phone speaker. He had headphones and a bluetooth speaker nearby, but his nerves were preventing him from minding the reduced audio quality. Tonight, he was supposed to go to a bar with James and Sirius, a “boy’s night out,” since Sirius had just finished his last midterm examination and Lily had an overnight shift at the hospital. 

The song’s lyrics sounded sadder today, and Remus interpreted them as the singer losing his friend and secret crush to a new girlfriend. Remus wondered how Sirius’s Tinder date had gone on Sunday, since nothing in the group chat had been sent since James’s text telling Sirius that he sent his message into the wrong thread. Sirius and James were never ones to skimp on theatrics, so he knew to expect a full story about the date, whether it went well or not. Realizing that it didn’t matter what he wore tonight, since it didn’t matter what Sirius thought of his appearance, Remus was finally able to grab clothes at random and leave his bedroom. 

The wire hangers in the closet swung in solitude for only ten seconds. Remus stormed back into the room, stuffed the previous clothes back into the closet, and found what he wanted. He wasn’t actually going to be late, but with every moment of indecisiveness his anxiety grew. Finally, he brushed his teeth, reapplied deodorant, and left the farmhouse. 

***

He sat in his truck, fiddling with the seatbelt until James texted to say they were inside. Remus wasn’t feeling very outgoing today, and the thought of waiting for his friends in a bar, alone, sounded nauseating. He didn’t know if it was the introvertedness or the fact that he hadn’t seen Sirius since he texted about his date. Either way, he stepped out of the car, covertly checked himself in the reflection of an adjacent SUV - fur-lined denim jacket, gray T-shirt, and tan Levi’s - and walked inside.

He was immediately hit by the noise of the crowd and the heat of the bar. Remus spotted James’s dark head of curls and Sirius’s wavy shoulder-length locks seated at barstools near the back wall, and made his way through the crowd. There was a surprisingly large number of people out on the Thursday night, Remus thought, before realizing that maybe he was just getting older. His anxieties about the crowd melted away when his brown eyes locked with Sirius’s gray, and the latter’s crinkled with a smile.

They all exchanged warm greetings, and Remus ordered a drink. When the bartender - a rather pretty and also bookish-looking blond man - slid Remus his pint, he let their fingers brush briefly. Remus wasn’t sure if it was intentional, but blushed anyway. When he finally looked up, the bartender was turning back to a new customer, but not before shooting a little wink Remus’s way. Remus didn’t notice Sirius’s grip tighten around his own drink.

“Okay, now that we all have a drink,” James began, having missed the exchange, “cheers to Sirius for finishing midterms! Halfway through the semester and ready to take a well-deserved weekend off!”

Remus smiled and clinked glasses with the others. 

“Well,” Sirius said, drawing out the vowel. “I technically have to turn in a paper tomorrow, but then I’m free!”

“Wait, hold on.” James said, glass still held in the air, “I thought you were done.”

“Done with tests, yes, but I have to just finish up a paper, it’s nearly done.”

“Have you started?”

“I started the outline?” Sirius looked to Remus for support as James’s eyes narrowed. Remus just laughed, and finally took a sip of his beer. 

“I can’t judge,” Remus said. “I have a grant to write for the farm due tomorrow night and I’m still not finished with the conclusion.”

“Am I the only one who has any work ethic around here?” James scoffed.

“You work in HR, have an exercise ball as your chair, and play pranks on your coworkers.” Sirius pointed out drily.

“Exactly.” James confirmed. “Anyway, if you’re both going to be holed-up with work tomorrow, you might as well do it together. Sirius usually goes to the university library,” he told Remus.

Unsure of James’s persistent eyebrow-wiggling, Remus nodded slowly. “Thank you for inviting me, James.” 

“You should come,” Sirius spoke up. “I’ll be there from ten in the morning until I finish the paper. We can take study breaks together if you do,” he said with a smile.

Logically, Remus thought it best to not spend very much alone time with Sirius, until he could get over his romantic feelings. But, here in the moment, he was feeling fine about his proximity to the other man, and couldn’t come up with any other answer than “that sounds good.”

“Great, glad that’s settled then!” James said excitedly, and Sirius indiscreetly kicked his shin. 

“So,” Remus said, searching for something to say, “too bad Lily couldn’t come tonight. Does she work overnight shifts often?”

James immediately stopped fighting back with Sirius, and looked happily at Remus, eager to talk about his girlfriend in any circumstance. “Less often now, than before the pregnancy, although she says her charge nurse makes her take long nap breaks throughout the shifts, so she says she doesn’t mind them as much as you’d think. Although she’ll be going on maternity leave pretty soon, since her job is pretty stressful even on a good day.”

Remus nodded. “That makes sense.” 

After their second round of drinks ended, Remus couldn’t help but bring up the one topic he thought he would have heard about by now. “Sirius, how was your date on Sunday?” Remus kept his eyes trained on the space slightly behind Sirius’s head, and tried to ignore James’s cackling. 

Sirius gave a shudder. “It was bad.” Remus had expected more in the way of description, but couldn’t help but feel happy to see that Sirius wasn’t suddenly smitten with someone else.

“That’s all you’re going to say?” James prompted. Leaning towards Remus, he continued. “He had a lot more to say about it when I saw him on Monday. The bloke was boring as hell, and he disagreed with everything Sirius said.” James laughed and Remus shook his head in quiet amusement.

“Yes, yes, let’s all laugh at my pain,” Sirius cut in. 

“Hey, props to you for getting out there,” James said. “Was he at least a better lay than he was a conversationalist?”

Sirius frowned. “I didn’t sleep with him.”

“Really?” James questioned. “That hasn’t stopped you before! I thought you said that was your strategy for getting some of them to stop talking!” Remus froze. James laughed, and started to tip slightly off his stool. Sirius grabbed his forearm to keep him steady and leveled him with a glare. Remus realized James must have been feeling the effects of the drinks, and Sirius wasn’t very happy about James airing his personal affairs. Not that Remus hadn’t already heard a good deal from Lily. 

“I’ll be right back,” Remus said as he stood and turned away from the men. He let his feet carry him to the bathroom, and after closing the door behind him, finally let out a large sigh. Remus stared into his reflection, slightly blurred and scuffed through the scratched up mirror. It was so frustrating. To feel this way. He clenched and unclenched his hands a few times, not breaking eye contact with himself. Sirius was _so_ alluring, and he was _so_ magnetic, and _so_ frustrating. 

It wasn’t even his unnaturally good looks, there was something else about him. Something that was going to pull Remus to him, even if there was no destination. It was building up tension without release, it was the spark accelerating down an endless fuse, and it was staring at your own sad eyes in the scratched up mirror of a bar on a Thursday night. 

Sirius clearly was someone that Remus would not normally pine over. Remus had rules, and mental checklists, and plenty of things that he didn’t like. Things like smoking, being rude to waitstaff, interrupting someone, looking at a phone instead of someone speaking. These things were accrued over past experiences with boys who Remus only thought about when he couldn’t sleep at night. And yet, Sirius could do all four of those things simultaneously, and Remus would probably still think about him in broad daylight. 

It was frustrating to be so smitten over someone who was a casual dater, and who maybe wasn’t monogamous, and who maybe sleeps with first dates he doesn’t like just to make them shut up, but maybe Remus doesn’t even care because he’s still pining and if he’s being honest with himself, he hasn’t felt this much emotion in the last year, and even if it’s unfulfilled or unrequited it’s still something, and it’s still love, and it’s still warm, and it’s still Sirius.

***

“Hey, I have a great idea,” James said, eyebrows high. Sirius had switched him to water a while ago, but the man still seemed just north of tipsy. They were now seated at a booth and eating food, conversation had been normal for a while now, and Remus’s desire to escape to the bathroom hadn’t been threatening a reappearance. 

“What’s your idea?” Sirius asked, amused. Clearly, he, like Remus, had been expecting James to elaborate without prompting.

James looked positively devious, but his flushed cheeks turned his scheming expression to that of a cartoonish villain’s. “Remus helped me with the bees, and he helped Lily with snakes.” 

“Those are both true statements,” Sirius said, reminding Remus of the voice he used with his first-graders. “Did he have more to drink when we weren’t looking?” He whispered to Remus.

“So,” James said, grinning. “The logical conclusion is that it really only makes sense for Remus to help Sirius with his fear.” Sirius narrowed his eyes at James. “Spend a night outside in a tent,” James said triumphantly. 

Remus gave an imperceptible shudder at the thought, but the alcohol in his veins made him laugh a second later. 

“Do it,” James insisted, “unless you’re _scared_.” 

Sirius scoffed. “Of course I’m scared, that’s the whole idea!”

James’s eyes narrowed. “Play me in billiards for it. If I win you have to do it.”

“Are you kidding me? James, you _know_ how much better I am at pool than you,” Sirius said.

“I wasn’t asking you,” James said, grinning. Remus’s eyebrows rose. Remus’s mom had been a big fan of card games and poker (“she’s a total card shark!” Lyall used to say), and Remus had been trained by Hope firsthand in the art of card games, darts, and billiards.

“You’re on.” Remus answered assuredly.

***

All of the pool tables were occupied, so the trio ended up at an air hockey table. Remus wasn’t as experienced in air hockey as he was in billiards, but somehow he didn’t mind laughing along and going with the flow. It seemed to be a side effect of spending time with his new friends.

The match was swift and brutal. On one side was Remus: in his warm coat and balanced stance, concentrating on the puck and mostly sober. On the other was James, who had shed his jacket long ago and was looking mildly disheveled and inebriated, his cheeks flushed pink against the brown of his skin, one red air hockey paddle in each hand as he leaned over the table for dramatic smacks and complete misses of the puck. Remus didn’t stand a chance.

By the end, all three were laughing, and Sirius had even stepped in to assist Remus, although they were still no match for James’s aggressive octopus-like approach. Remus agreed to buy James a (non-alcoholic) drink at the end, and Sirius reluctantly agreed to the original deal.

“So when are you two going camping then?” James asked, now seated back at their booth.

Sirius looked to Remus. “Um,” Remus started, “not this weekend. But the next one?” His schedule wasn’t actually full, but he figured he needed much more than a two-day notice before spending the night in a tent with Sirius. There was plenty to overthink and overanalyze first.

Eventually, “Conquering the Fear of the Dark” was scheduled for next Saturday night.

***

***

Remus felt like a college student as he walked up the stairs of the university library wearing a backpack. His hands were both occupied, as he had stopped at the cafe for coffees. Well, one coffee, for himself, and one pumpkin spice latte, for Sirius. 

It was 11:30am, and Sirius was exactly where he said he would be. A large oak table was spread in front of a giant wall of glass, which overlooked the campus and a small outdoor balcony. In the middle sat the very-focused man, typing away at a laptop which had cables connecting it to a power outlet implanted in the tabletop, an iPhone turned face-down, and a pair of large over-the-ear headphones. The table had an empty seat right next to the man, and only one other occupant at the end: a young woman who looked like she was trying and failing to stay awake while reading a textbook. 

Remus took a moment to watch Sirius, undetected. His profile revealed a facial structure so well-defined, it was almost offensive, Remus thought. And while he focused on his laptop, his eyes, which were normally light and warm whenever Remus found himself on the other end of their gaze, were instead calculated and determined. Sirius was a storm cloud. His uncommonly tousled hair managed to make him look slightly more approachable, though no less alluring.

As Remus sat down and made his presence known, Sirius pushed his headphones off his ears. Sirius gave a semi-awkward side-hug, since they were both seated, and whispered his greeting. 

When Remus presented the shorter man with the coffee he had just bought, Sirius laughed and pointed to the two to-go cups that Remus had previously assumed to be empty. 

“I got us both pumpkin spice lattes! But yours is half-sweetened,” Sirius exclaimed. Remus accepted the beverage with a smile, and was happy to find that alternating sips with his plain coffee made the former less offensively-saccharine. 

He settled in to work on the writing for his grant, and found that he was glad he had agreed to work alongside Sirius. They took short breaks together to either talk on the balcony or walk through one of many maze-like sections in the enormous library. But, Remus found that his favorite moments were the most mundane ones. When Sirius was focused on his work, headphones on, leaned forwards, and Remus was quietly making progress on his own project, he could turn to the side and his friend would immediately look up and give a small smile. Sirius would start to point to his headphones, silently asking if he should take them off, and Remus would shake his head no. Sirius would turn back to his computer, still smiling slightly, knowing he was being watched. 

It was bittersweet, but Remus loved it anyway. Loving a friend from afar, seated next to each other on the fifth floor of the library, as the sun turned shadows first shorter then longer, and the world kept turning, and time kept passing, entirely lovely and bittersweet. 

***

***

It was a sunny Saturday afternoon, but the chill of the breeze created Remus’s favorite fall weather. Well, favorite fall weather to be outside during. His overall favorite of the season would have to be the windy and rainy days when there was nothing to do except sit inside under blankets and read all day. Back when he was small enough that they both fit, he and his mom would both squeeze into the window seat in the library, backs against opposite ends, knees together in the middle under a heavy quilt. They would read in silence, until Remus would speak up to ask her to define a word, or Hope would read aloud a sentence or a bit of dialogue that she thought would make her son laugh. 

The benefit to today’s sunny but chilly fall weather, Remus thought, was that it was the perfect flannel-wearing weather. He was with James, Lily, and Sirius, visiting one of the nearby farms that grew pumpkins, sold apple cider, and offered all of the other touristy (but fun) autumn attractions.

“Maize maze! Maize maze! Maize maze!” James chanted, as he pulled at Lily’s hand excitedly.

“Corn maze!” Sirius corrected, then turned to Remus. “He calls it a ‘maize maze’ every year, it’s infuriating really.” Sirius seemed just as excited as James though, as the group walked towards the field of tall corn. 

At the entrance of the “maize maze,” Sirius and James began stretching and running in place. James bent down to lace his shoes tighter, and Sirius tied his loose hair back. “Am I missing something?” Remus asked Lily. “Are we doing a 5K that I didn’t hear about?”

Lily laughed. “They are, as you know by now, very competitive and weird.” James interjected an indignant “hey!” but remained focused on his arm circles. “They don’t go through the maze for enjoyment, they run through it, separately, as a race.”

Remus smiled at Sirius, who was now shaking his limbs out, hopping from leg to leg. “I think I’ll just walk through it like a normal person with you then, if that’s okay.” 

Lily smiled and linked arms with him, but gave him a knowing look that told him she caught him staring. “Bye losers,” Lily said, as she and Remus stepped forwards. “I’m starting my stopwatch, see you on the other side.” 

As Remus entered the maze with Lily, the bright sunlight immediately faded. “I thought you didn’t compete with them for time?” He questioned, gesturing to her watch.

“Oh, I didn’t mean that,” Lily said. “We are definitely racing them even though we’re walking. I usually win, actually. When they run they start to forget when they’ve already been, and usually waste time going down the same dead end multiple times. When we walk we can remember it better.”

Both Sirius and James ran past them in the beginning, but Sirius soon made a reappearance, looking confused. “Tortoise and the hare,” Remus called out, as Sirius looked around before jogging away.

Soon after Sirius turned a corner and left their line of sight, they heard running footsteps coming from ahead. Lily grabbed at Remus’s hand and smiled devilishly. “I bet that’s James, I can sense it. Let’s turn around and pretend we were walking this direction when he passed us a minute ago.”

James ran up to them, and looked around breathlessly. “What, you two were just…” he stammered. 

“Are you confused, James?” Lily asked sweetly. “Do you think that you’re going to spend more time in the maze than Remus and I?”

“No, I…” James looked around again, then up towards the sun. “I’m gonna win.” He set off running down the same path Sirius did. Lily laughed as she spun Remus back around where they were previously headed. 

A few minutes later, they were in what felt like the center of the maze. Remus felt properly spooked by the low light and ominous presence of the tall stalks of corn. Lily spoke up eventually. “So I hear you’re supposed to sleep in a tent with Sirius next weekend.”

Remus nodded silently. He should have known this was coming, but still wasn’t prepared with anything to say. “Your boyfriend beat me at air hockey?” He said eventually, the ending pitching up into a question.

“I just, I don’t know,” Lily said. “You really like him, don’t you?”

“Your boyfriend?” Remus asked, eyebrows raised.

“Sirius.”

Remus sighed. “Yeah. I think so.”

“Well. Just be careful, yeah? I know that he can be kind of, magnetic, or whatever, but I don’t want you to get hurt by something.” She paused to look around whatever silent pocket of the maze they were in. 

Remus frowned. “Lily,” he said, hoping his tone didn’t reveal his frustration. “I’m an adult. And I can handle my own emotions.” 

“I know you can,” Lily said absentmindedly, still deciding between two forks in the maze. After selecting one, she turned her focus back to Remus. “You can make your own decisions, and I’ll be there for you either way. Just keep what I said in mind, yeah?”

“Yeah, I will,” Remus confirmed, his heart warming at her promise of friendship even through something happening with Sirius. He changed the subject back to books and movies, and they managed to fill the rest of their time in the maze with lighter topics.

Soon enough, Remus saw the light at the end of the path, and they were exiting the corn maze. Before they made it out, however, James sprinted past them, visibly sweating and breathing heavily. “I made it! I won!” James cried out as Remus and Lily stepped into the light seconds after him.

“Really?” Lily asked, looking smug. “Check your stopwatch.” She had clicked hers off as they took their first step back onto the grass.

James’s smile faltered as he took his phone out of his pocket. “Fifteen minutes and thirty-eight seconds. But, oh no-”

“That’s right,” Lily said.

“You started a few seconds before us, so…”

“Fifteen minutes and _thirty-one_ seconds,” Lily said triumphantly. She and Remus were celebrating as Sirius ran out of the maze, phone in hand. 

Like James, Sirius was breathing heavily. “Sixteen minutes and ten seconds,” he announced. “Who won?” He asked, looking at Remus.

“We did. By seven seconds.” Remus smiled. As gray eyes met brown, Remus almost forgot the conversation he had just had with Lily. Sirius gave him a soft smile before turning back to James. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music in this chapter: [“Tommy’s Party" by Peach Pit](https://youtu.be/iMUbmiXlHww)


	8. The Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: discussions of past abuse. (If this isn't a concern for you, you can stop reading this note to avoid mild spoilers) It's still not super in depth or anything, and the teen rating still applies, but if this is a specific trigger for you, please be safe. If you want, skip three paragraphs after "Remus winced at the sad truth."

It was a bright clear day, and Remus was preparing for the dark upcoming night. He walked through one of his empty fields earlier to find the right spot to set up the tent. The current location satisfied his criteria of (a) no bees, (b) dry ground, and (c) just far enough from the farmhouse to feel separate. The wild grass grew haphazardly around him, and he almost felt bad for disturbing the area by staking in the big orange tent. The tent was marketed for four to six people, so Remus knew it would barely fit two adult men. As he tossed two sleeping bags inside, he hoped that if they put their heads in opposite corners, they could sleep without making any contact with each other.

Remus was a little nervous to address his fear of the dark, but also a little excited to spend the evening with Sirius. Even if their friendship was purely platonic, Remus appreciated how easy it was to talk to the shorter man, whether it was about nothing of importance or their deepest ambitions and fears. He had a feeling that tonight would involve both types of conversations. 

It wasn’t that he was unwilling to address his own fear of the dark, it was just that he had never needed to. No one had ever made him talk about it, and he had never had a problem with the small extra electricity usage from leaving a night light plugged-in to the bathroom and hall outlets, or from leaving a reading lamp on low to sleep. The last time he had a “sleepover” with another man was over a year ago, and Remus had simply turned the bedside lamp back on after its owner had fallen asleep. 

***

Sirius arrived at the farm in the late afternoon. Autumn was offering ever-earlier sunsets, but Sirius had time to unpack his belongings in the bright daylight. After he and Remus exchanged greetings, Remus helped him carry his bags to the tent. Remus was surprised to realize how much Sirius had brought for one night.

“You know we aren’t even going to be here for twenty-four hours right?” He teased, holding up one of the duffle bags in his hand for emphasis.

“Hey, I like to be prepared!” Sirius defended. “Also, don’t make fun of me before you know what I brought. It may be in your best interest to be nice,” he finished in a faux-haughty tone, nose pointed up.

“Oh?” Remus asked.

“I may have brought snacks.”

***

Dinner was simple but tasty. Remus had made sandwiches earlier for them to eat outside the tent; he figured it would be better to get used to the area before trying to sleep in it, instead of eating inside the house with lights on and having to walk outside into the dark. The sunset was slow and picturesque. The two men were bundled in sweaters and sitting in short camp chairs, watching it. 

In the fading red glow of sky, as the sun slipped under the mountains, Sirius stood. “I need to go use the bathroom. Is the house locked?”

“The back porch is open. Are you able to make it by yourself?” Remus asked with a smile.

“If I run I think it’ll still be light outside when I come back.” Sirius joked. If it was anyone else, or if it was Remus himself, he thought, he would just walk to the house after making the joke, trying not to look awkward. But, since it was Sirius, he actually ran, and even threw in a fake trip and a dramatic fall for Remus’s amusement. 

When Sirius returned, he walked, but only because he was carrying something very carefully with both hands. As he got closer, Remus realized what it was: his guitar. “Will you play a bit?” Sirius appealed, handing it over.

Remus accepted the instrument and began to strum quiet chords.

“Will you play Godzilla?” Sirius asked. Soon enough, they were singing the song together, Sirius’s voice alternating between close harmonies that weren’t in the original version, and subtle sustained background notes. Remus smiled at him as the song ended. It was now almost completely dark.

“Should we move inside?” Remus suggested, pointing to the entrance of the tent. “It’s starting to get a bit chilly.”

“You have at least three sweaters on right now, how are you chilly?” Sirius asked with a raised eyebrow, but stood up nonetheless. 

“Oh, sorry,” Remus said, “didn’t realize you were the ‘sweater police.’” He almost cringed at his lame attempt at humor, but Sirius laughed anyway.

“It’s okay, it’s cute,” Sirius said. Remus blushed, but Sirius had already turned away to enter the tent. Remus got to watch him climb inside, and tried to reign in his emotions before following behind.

After Remus turned on their small portable lantern, Sirius opened one of the sleeping bags to tuck his legs inside. “Isn’t the lantern sort of cheating?” Sirius asked.

“Definitely not,” Remus answered. “We’ll turn it off to sleep, and we can even leave the window flaps open to make it extra scary for you. That’ll make up for the light right now.” He was aiming for playfulness, but instead unnerved himself in the process. It was going to be a long night.

Sirius rifled through one of his duffels before coming up with a truly gigantic bag of potato chips. Through the crinkle of opening the bag, Remus laughed as he read the label. “How is ‘Family Plus’ a size for chip bags, this is astonishing,” he mused.

“You see, Remus,” Sirius said, in the obviously-mocking tone he and James would often wind themselves up into. “When one compares the price of the differently-sized bags, you may  _ think _ that you should get a smaller size. But, and this is the rub, as my good friend Hamlet would say, the price per ounce is  _ worlds  _ different.” He paused to pop a chip into his mouth before passing the bag to Remus. “Anyway, I can eat a family-size bag in one sitting, so I figured we’d need a bigger size for the two of us.”

Remus laughed. “We ate salt and vinegar chips together on the first day we met.” 

Sirius’s eyes shone. “We did. Almost one month ago, now.”

“Does it ever feel like we’ve known each other for longer than one month?” Remus couldn’t help but ask. As soon as he said it he realized how it could be construed as flirtatious, or just coming on strong in the friendship department, maybe strong enough to make Sirius feel weirded-out by Remus’s clear clinginess.

“Yes,” Sirius answered simply, quieting Remus’s internal dialogue. “Hey, what did you bring for our camping adventure? Besides the sleeping bag and the tent and the dinner, which, thank you for all three, by the way.”

“You’re welcome for all three. I brought,” Remus paused to emphasize the clearly smaller bag he had compared to Sirius’s piles, “Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen.”

Sirius scoffed. “I know who wrote Pride and Prejudice, you don’t need to say it’s ‘by Jane Austen.’”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Remus said, mocking, “to the man who  _ quoted one of Shakespeare’s most famous soliloquies _ and then  _ name-dropped Hamlet  _ as your  _ good friend _ .”

Sirius’s amusement was clear, and he seemed to decide between continuing their joke or not. His face settled into sincerity-- one of Remus’s favorite looks on him. “Will you read to me?”

The request was so innocent that Remus couldn’t help but oblige. Soon enough, they were settled into their sleeping bags, Sirius on his back in one corner, Remus on his stomach in the middle so he could read by the light of the lantern. When Remus read Elizabeth’s line “I am  _ not _ a great reader, and I have pleasure in many things!” Sirius snapped and booed.

“Yes, drag her,” he called out. “You know, when I had to read this in high school I really didn’t pay attention. But if I had realized how much drama was in this book I would have devoured it. I love how snarky Elizabeth is. Reminds me of a certain Gemini I know.” He rolled slightly onto his side - arms still tucked in the sleeping bag - to make eye contact with Remus. On anyone else, Remus thought, not for the first time that night, the gesture would have looked silly, but with Sirius, it was effortless and alluring.

“It’s getting late,” Remus said as he closed the pages around a bookmark. After a moment of deliberation, Remus spoke up again. “Is this the part where we tell each other why we’re afraid of the dark at age twenty-four?”

Sirius eyebrows knitted. He rolled back to his earlier position, staring up. “I think so.”

“Okay, um,” Remus began. “I know it helps to talk about it, but it just feels like such a stupid story and it’s kind of embarassing that it’s led to something that still dominates my life all these years later. But here goes.” He pulled his knees up to his chest and stared at the lantern as he searched for the right words.

“When I was six years old, I went camping with my parents. It was a really fun day as we drove through the countryside to the campsite, and I remember feeling like such a big kid when my dad let me use a little Swiss army knife and tie knots and things. I felt like such a big kid, that I didn’t think I had to wake my parents in the middle of the night when I needed to leave the tent to walk to the camp bathrooms.” He paused and took a frustrated inhale of breath. “They were a short distance from our tent, through some tall trees but on a little winding trail. It was a full moon, so I could see pretty well, and I walked all the way to the bathrooms just fine. When I came back out, a layer of clouds had blown in, and it was much darker outside. I wasn’t sure which direction my tent was, and I began to panic. I eventually chose a path and started walking down it, which, obviously not the right thing to do when you’re lost and already at a very defined location, the only bathroom in miles, but.” Remus laughed without humor, hands flipping up slightly from inside the sleeping bag. “Somehow I tripped and fell into a sort of ravine. It was probably much smaller than I remember, but at six years old it was insurmountable. I twisted my ankle, and couldn’t climb back up.” He frowned and patted his left ankle instinctively. “I sat there all night, terrified and thinking that some creature was going to come and attack me. In the early dawn, my parents found me, one of them had woken up to discover I wasn’t there and appropriately panicked. We went home early, and my ankle was fine. I apologized to my parents for wandering off at night without waking them like I was supposed to, but they were just happy that I was okay. That night, though, after my mom tucked me in to bed and turned off the light, I felt like I was instantly transported back to that ravine in the woods, and had a panic attack. Sometimes I have dreams that I’m trapped in that ravine in the woods, but when the morning light starts to peek through the trees, this time no one is there to find me.” He frowned again, in thought. “I suppose those dreams felt more true after my parents died.”

For the first time since starting his story, Remus tore his eyes from the lantern to see Sirius’s eyes trained on him. After a pause, Sirius spoke up. “I’m sorry that happened to you,” he said very sincerely. From someone else’s lips the words may have sounded generic, but Remus felt the pure understanding within them. 

After a long but not uncomfortable pause, Sirius squared his shoulders as if visibly preparing to relive whatever memories it was that had cemented his own phobia. He started to speak in an apprehensive voice. “For me, it was my parents.” Remus winced at the sad truth.

“You know that they were kind of abusive when I was growing up-” Sirius interrupted himself with a frustrated groan. “No, let me say that correctly: they were abusive when I was growing up. Not kind of.” He sighed. “My latest thing in therapy has been working on not minimizing my past problems. But anyway. My parents were abusive when I was growing up. When I did something wrong, one of their punishments was locking me in my room for long periods of time. They would turn the lights off and I would just sit, terrified. I was afraid to be in the dark alone, but I was also afraid for the eventual end of solitude. Because when I was locked in that room, at least they were locked out.” His voice was very detached and void of emotion, and Remus was surprised to hear the other man speak without any of his characteristic warmth. 

“I’m so sorry, Sirius,” Remus whispered. He shifted through the few feet of distance between them to wrap Sirius in a protective hug. “Was your light switch installed on the outside of your room?” He asked stupidly, then immediately felt guilty. “Wait, I’m not trying to doubt your story or anything, God, I believe you. Sorry.”

Sirius gave a little laugh, if only due to Remus’s ramblings of trying to save himself. “No, it’s a valid point, right? Just turn on the light. But, no, there wasn’t a light switch in my room. The lights and everything else were controlled remotely, by these tablets that my parents carried.” Remus’s eyebrows rose automatically at the idea of being that wealthy. He dully realized that Sirius’s disownment from his homophobic family must have meant the loss of more money than just his college tuition. Sirius’s voice interrupted his thoughts, returning to the emotionless tone of voice he was using earlier. “Being in the dark even now is terrifying, because I feel like the lights could come on and I’d be back in my childhood room, watching my parents unlock the door that formerly protected me from them.”

“I’m so sorry, Sirius,” Remus repeated.

“It’s okay,” Sirius whispered. “I mean, it’s not okay,” he corrected, “but they can’t hurt me anymore.”

“You’re right, you’re safe now.” Remus said.

“And you’re safe now, too,” Sirius said, his voice returning to normal. When Remus made a noncommittal noise Sirius placed steady hands on his shoulders squarely and looked into his eyes. “You are. Maybe your parents wouldn’t be able to find you anymore, but you’ve got people. I would find you. James would go looking for you. Lily would too. You’re safe now, too,” he repeated finally.

Remus hid his tears in a tight embrace.

The cathartic release of talking about their traumas left Remus feeling exhausted, but he realized that he would still need to brush his teeth and use the bathroom at the house before going to sleep in the tent. 

“Will you come with me to the house? I want to brush my teeth.” Remus said sheepishly, suddenly not knowing what he would do if Sirius said no. Probably disappoint his dentist for one night. 

“If we go together we’ll be safe,” Sirius said lightly, but Remus relaxed slightly nonetheless. 

Soon enough, they were walking through the cold outdoor air towards the farmhouse. Neither man wanted to prolong the time spent in the dark, so they were moving just shy of running, fingers laced together tightly. 

As they left the house for the tent a few minutes later, they resumed their fast walk and tightly-held hands. Their proximity wasn’t from lust or romance, even though Remus’s heart felt a little pull from the action. Instead, it was from mutual understanding, support, and the attempt to conquer their darkest fear, together.

They settled into their sleeping bags in the same position as before, with heads at opposite corners and legs pointed out, separated by the lantern and a few feet of space. But, just after Remus turned off the light for the night, Sirius sat up.

“Sorry, um. Can I move so I’m a tiny bit closer to you?” He asked, in the sudden whisper-volume often induced by speaking into the dark.

Remus briefly wondered what Lily would think, even as he said “of course.” Sirius shifted so that he was lying parallel to Remus, only a foot away. Remus heard Sirius take a contented sigh, before his breathing leveled out. Wondering if he would be able to sleep, Remus tried to think about Sirius’s words from earlier. He may no longer have his parents, but he had people in his life: James, Lily, Sirius, even Minerva, people who would protect him, and would, metaphorically speaking, find him if he were trapped in a ravine in the woods with a broken ankle. After an unknown amount of time spent listening to Sirius’s steady breathing, Remus drifted off to sleep, in the dark.


	9. The Light

Morning light filtered through the chilled air, rousing Remus from his blissfully dreamless sleep. He started to stretch his limbs, but was constricted by warm polyester. The previous night came back to him as he pulled his arms out of his sleeping bag. He had slept in a tent with Sirius, in the dark, and he had been fine. Currently, he was on his side, face turned towards the front of the orange tent, glowing warmly from the rising sun. 

Trying to be quiet, he lifted his head to look to his right. A sleeping Sirius lay beside him, face squished against a pillow, loose hair tousled around him, and lips slightly parted. Truly a sight for sore eyes, Remus thought, as he rubbed the sleep from his own. Even though the ground was hard, and his legs wanted to unfold, Remus lay back down, not wanting to disturb the moment. Lying on his back this time, Remus stared up into the zenith of the tent, where the folds met and were suspended taut over metal framing. He shifted so that his body was a half inch closer to Sirius, then closed his eyes. Relaxing, he drifted off again.

When Remus woke for the second time that morning, his stretch was constricted again, but this time not by his sleeping bag. An arm was draped across his chest lazily, and a forehead was nuzzled into his shoulder. Before the warning bells could go off in his head, he found himself instinctively snuggling closer to Sirius. His head leaned closer to Sirius, and his left arm moved up to lightly rest on the strong forearm over his ribcage. By the time his body had moved into this position, his brain caught up with what was happening, and appropriately started sounding the alarm. 

_ This is not what friends do, _ he thought, and  _ maybe if I sit up now he won’t realize we were practically cuddling before he woke,  _ and  _ oh my god we’re practically cuddling, I need to move,  _ but then Sirius made a soft noise and his breathing shifted and suddenly his eyelashes were fluttering and  _ oh no he’s awake. _

Instead of rolling away or removing his arm or apologizing for moving in his sleep, like any sane person would do, Sirius surprised Remus again by simply staying still. The dark-haired man yawned and then looked up to meet Remus’s gaze, gray eyes smiling at brown. 

“Good morning,” Sirius said, in a scratchy morning voice that Remus found completely adorable. 

“Hi,” Remus returned, slightly gravely. They were both smiling at each other, and neither man had moved away.

“We did it,” Sirius said. “We confronted our fear of the dark, and we made it to see daylight again.”

“We did,” Remus confirmed, then laughed and smiled fully, realizing the importance of the accomplishment. He turned on his side, now fully facing Sirius, and couldn’t stop smiling. Both men were grinning at each other in the early morning light, each with an arm lightly rested on the other, only inches apart.

“Have I ever told you,” Remus asked, “how much I love your eyes?” He was rewarded with a cute little eyebrow raise from Sirius.

“Remus, please tell me if I’m reading this wrong, but I’d really like to kiss you right now.”

It was one thing to be able to step away from someone while you’re washing dishes and waiting for your new friends to arrive for dinner. It was one thing to choose friendship over a breakable romance with the advice from a new friend. It was one thing to pine from a distance, reading a text message, or at a bar, or in a corn maze. But it was a whole new ordeal to be laying side by side, in a tent outside your house, after waking up in each other’s arms, after reliving and then conquering your darkest nightmares together. It was a battle between heart and mind even more one-sided than the game of air hockey against a drunken octopus-James that got him here in the first place. If his brain wanted to complain about it later, that was fine, Remus thought. But this moment wasn’t going to be stepped away from.

“Please do,” Remus said, before closing the gap between them. 

A chaste first kiss was interrupted by mutual smiles and quiet grins. Sirius leaned his forehead against Remus’s for a second, before they leaned back into the kiss. This one didn’t end through uncontrollable grins, but instead deepened through instinctive desire. Remus carded fingers through Sirius’s hair, finally fulfilling his secret wish, and Sirius uttered a quiet sigh of approval. 

Sirius tried to pull himself on top of Remus, but as the sleek fabric of their sleeping bags met, he instead slid across Remus completely, landing on the other side of him and pressed into the wall of the tent. Both men immediately dissolved into laughter, only elevated by Sirius’s failed efforts to extract himself from his sleeping bag. When he finally did, Remus pulled him into a tight hug. 

Remus’s brain finally caught up with his body; he suddenly felt a deep apprehension. He wanted this, he wanted Sirius, but only if it was real. As Sirius started to kiss his neck, Remus pulled back slightly. 

“Sirius, can we talk first? Sorry, um, I just-” Remus searched for the right words feeling a blush creep up to his face. Sirius pulled back, brow creased in concern but stayed silent, nodding for Remus to continue.

“I just,” Remus started again. “I have feelings for you. I like you, as more than a friend.”

Sirius’s eyebrows shot up, and an effortless smile crept back onto his face. “Well I should hope so!”

“Really? Do you, feel the same way?” He sputtered out. 

“Was that not a good enough show of it?”

“I just.” Remus frowned. “I want to be with you, and make a real go of it. I don’t want to just have a casual hookup. I would want more than that.”

“Remus,” Sirius said, and Remus’s eyes snapped back to his. “I want you too. Just you. I’m not, I don’t know, looking for anything less than a real relationship here. I mean, it’s obviously early, but we could be together, for real, eventually.”

Remus smiled, happily surprised. “Okay,” he breathed. “Then can I kiss you again? Please?”

Sirius made a show of kicking away the sleeping bag still bunched at his feet, then looked at Remus with positively devilish eyes. “Yes, please.”

“And then can we make pancakes?” Remus asked excitedly.

Sirius laughed, pausing his seductive stare to adore Remus’s enthusiasm. “Of course we can make pancakes. After this,” he added, pulling himself over Remus without sliding off this time. Remus smiled and tilted his chin up to receive the other man’s kiss.

***

Afterwards, they moved through the kitchen, measuring, pouring, and mixing, all punctuated by little kisses and affectionate touches. When Remus needed to move Sirius out of the way to open a specific cupboard or drawer, he lightly steered him with hands on his hips, this time not pulling away like he did the night they first made dinner together. Remembering that time, Remus decided to play music from his phone again. 

As the waltzing guitar started up, Sirius laughed fondly. “You love this song,” he said.

“It reminds me of you, now,” Remus defended. 

“Am I supposed to be Godzilla then?” Sirius asked.

“Well…” Remus said, drawing out the vowel. “Seeing as you aren’t the taller one here…” 

“Oh, come on!” Sirius said indignantly, but then settled into a smile. 

After the song ended, Remus didn’t notice the next one began until he realized how fitting the end of the chorus was.  _ And now I see daylight, I only see daylight, _ Taylor Swift’s voice sang out. He turned to Sirius, who was already smiling at him.

“Very fitting song, don’t you think?” Sirius asked, reading his mind.

“Very,” Remus answered.

The rest of their breakfast preparations continued normally, with little displays of affection and an unyielding smile on Remus’s face the only signs that this morning was different than any other the two men had spent together. Eventually they were yawning after devouring piles of pancakes layered with syrup, a bottle of mustard placed nearby but untouched, in tribute to Lily. 

“Can I kiss you while we wash the dishes?” Sirius asked.

Remus laughed, remembering the brownie-batter-almost-kiss fiasco from two weeks ago. “I have a better idea,” he said. “We can stack the dishes in the sink and then go kiss on the couch.”

Sirius immediately hopped up to take their plates to the sink, before dragging Remus by the hand into the living room. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted this,” the dark-haired man muttered, before raising onto his toes slightly to peck Remus on the lips.

“Me too,” Remus said. “Honestly, from the first time we met I was drawn to you.”

“Really?” Sirius asked, confused. “Then why…”

“Oh,” Remus said. Then why did he pull away from the brownie-batter-almost-kiss fiasco, he finished in his head. Then why did they not spend the last two weeks doing what they just started doing this morning. Sitting down on the couch, Remus searched for the right words. Sirius sat next to him but not close enough to crowd him, and Remus appreciated that the distance allowed his brain to function mostly normally. 

“I wanted you then,” Remus said finally, “but I didn’t know what you wanted. We didn’t have a chance to talk about it first, and I just wanted to be on the same page about stuff.” He tried to get his message across without throwing Lily under the bus, even though he was slightly miffed about her advice anyway. Sirius had seemed more than willing to be “with” Remus for more than just a convenient morning hookup. 

“That makes sense,” Sirius said, clearly mulling things over in his head. “Looking back, I should have asked if it was okay for me to kiss you before just trying to do so. Sorry for that.”

“It’s okay, but thanks, affirmative consent is really cool.” Remus nodded, feeling lame as he said it.

“It is,” Sirius said earnestly. “Clear and enthusiastic yes, all the way.”

Remus nodded, realizing he probably needed to say more to get his point across. “I don’t really do casual hookups,” he explained. “And I was also worried that if you and I started to be more than friends, and if it didn’t work out, I would end up losing not only my friendship with you, but also with James and Lily.”

Sirius slowly nodded. “That makes sense,” he said again. “I don’t know how things will go between us, I hope they are good, because I really like you, but you’re right, we may not work out. But as long as neither of us does something terrible to the other I’m sure James and Lily would still like you.” He laughed, “Hell, I think Lily already likes you more than me anyway.”

Remus gave a quiet smile. Sirius seemed to be getting awfully close to the as-of-yet unannounced truth. “I don’t know about that,” Remus said, slightly apprehensive.

“Wait, oh God,” Sirius’s face fell. “She talked to you, didn’t she? She talked to you, about me.” It was more of a statement than a question.

“Um, yeah.” 

“What did she say? Did she say that I didn’t like you or something? Because James knew I liked you, and I’m pretty sure he tells her everything.”

“She said that you don’t really do relationships,” Remus said slowly. “That if I was looking for a relationship, you may not be the best person to go for.” He didn’t like talking about his private conversation like this, but he felt a bit of relief in getting it into the air, and hearing what Sirius had to say instead of combing through secondhand gossip.

Sirius groaned in frustration. “I am so going to fight her,” he declared.

“Please don’t fight the pregnant woman,” Remus said lightheartedly. “Also, I think James would fight back.” He earned a little smile from Sirius, and his heart soared.

“No, I won’t fight my brother’s pregnant girlfriend, don’t worry.” Sirius sighed, frowning again. “But she gave you some terrible advice.”

Remus couldn’t help but ask the question he had been dying to say since the conversation began. “Did you cheat in a previous relationship?”

“What?” Sirius asked. He sounded like he was a fraction south of a scoff. Nonetheless, Remus doubled down. If he was going to find out, then he was going to need to ask directly.

After a second of pause, Remus repeated himself. “Did you cheat in a previous relationship?”

“No.” Sirius looked hurt, maybe by Remus’s asking, or from knowing that Lily went behind his back. Or maybe he just looked pensive, Remus thought. “No, I did not cheat in a previous relationship. I know what Lily is referring to though.”

Remus’s face must have betrayed him, because Sirius rushed to defend himself. “No, no, I know what that sounds like, but just hear me out, yeah? We can talk more about it, but let me just tell you the story, because it sounds like Lily didn’t.” 

Remus nodded silently. 

“Okay,” Sirius started. “In freshman year of college, I was finally free from my parents, distance-wise at least. You already know how the financial stuff went down sophomore year. But I was free, and I was finally able to be open about being who I was, and I met a lot of other gay and queer guys who were in similar situations. I made friends with a lot of them, and I hooked up with some of them. One of them was good friends with Lily at the time, and this was before James and I became close with her. The friend and I hooked up a few times, and it was just casual, and then he told me that he had feelings for me. I politely told him that I didn’t feel the same way.” Sirius paused for a moment, frowning at the uncomfortable memory.

“I told him that we probably shouldn’t continue to casually hookup, but he said it was fine to continue.” He paused again, frowning. “Here’s where I was a stupid eighteen year-old. I agreed with him. So we had a casual hookup arrangement, even though I knew that he had feelings for me, and I knew that it was a bad idea. It finally blew up when he saw me kissing another man at a party.” Sirius sighed. “He threw his drink on me, but he was either a little too drunk or his aim was just bad, because he mostly got a random girl next to me. She and I actually bonded over that experience and became friends, which,” he flipped his hands up slightly with a smile, “but that’s another story.” 

“So, in conclusion,” Sirius said, getting back on track, “Lily sided with her friend and thought that I was in the wrong, which in hindsight, I obviously was. I shouldn’t have agreed to put him in that position, even if he was an adult and choosing to be there.” The last part of his sentence could have been said with obvious snark or spite, but Remus could tell he was being genuine. Sirius had obviously grown from his eighteen year-old self, and empathized with the other man.

“But I didn’t cheat on anyone. Cheating in a monogamous relationship is a line that can’t be crossed in my eyes. I wouldn’t stay with someone who cheated on me either.” Sirius took a little glance at Remus, and Remus nodded.

“Thanks for telling me all of that,” Remus said, exhaling a little breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Finding out that Sirius didn’t cheat on a past partner was a big relief, but also made him feel like a bit of a fool for not just asking him earlier. “Sorry for not just asking you directly way earlier.”

“It’s okay,” Sirius said. “But in the future, if someone ever tells you something about me, please just ask me instead of marinating on it. And I’ll do the same for you.” 

Remus smiled, and reached out to link his pinky around Sirius’s. The other man’s hand had been splayed on the couch cushion between them for the last few minutes, and Remus wanted to inch his own hand closer, like a fifteen year-old watching a movie with their crush.

Sirius looked at their fingers and beamed. He leaned forward to kiss Remus slowly. When he pulled back, both men were still smiling at each other. “Remus, I know it’s been kind of fast,” he started. “But I wanted to ask-”

A knock at the door interrupted him. Remus immediately stood up, knowing who it must be. He whispered reflexively, “Oh my God, it’s Minerva.”

“What?” Sirius said, still sitting.

“That woman,” Remus said, shaking his head fondly at the thought of Minnie coming over to snoop after seeing that Sirius arrived last night but didn’t leave yet. “She’s too good. She noticed you spent the night and now she’s coming over to be nosy. She probably won’t be too long, she just wants to get a good look at you and embarrass me if she can.” He explained to a confused-looking Sirius.

Without further ado, Remus opened the front door. Sirius stood up, still looking unsure.

“Remus, my boy,” Minerva said fondly. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” she said with a knowing smile, leaning in around the door jamb, obviously looking for Sirius. 

“Good to see you, Minnie,” Remus said with a little laugh. “You didn’t interrupt, but let me introduce you to someone. Sirius, this is my neighbor, Minerva.” Remus watched Sirius shake her hand and put on his most charming smile. 

Minerva gestured to her tea towel-covered basket, and turned to Remus. “I brought you boys some scones, dear. Why don’t you start the kettle and Sirius and I can chat on the porch?”

Remus couldn’t help but laugh at her forwardness. She hadn’t even spent a minute with Sirius yet and she already wanted to speak to him alone. Making the quick judgement that Sirius would be fine for a few minutes, he obliged. He sent Sirius an apologetic look but Sirius waved him off with a grin.

After heating a kettle of water and grabbing three mugs, Remus joined the pair outside. They were in the middle of laughing together at something when Remus opened the screen door, and they paused to look surreptitiously at each other, then up at Remus.

“Oh great, so you’re already turning him against me, huh?” Remus directed towards Minerva, with raised eyebrows.

Minnie feigned innocence, and the three settled into their tea and scones smoothly. After only a few more stories that Minerva started to tell and Remus had to derail, for fear of scaring off Sirius already, she eventually stood to make her exit.

“Minnie, are you leaving so soon?” Sirius asked. “You just arrived.”

Minnie preened, but nodded affirmative. “Oh, yes, I am so glad to have finally met you Sirius, I have heard a great deal,” she paused to raise her eyebrows at Remus, who frowned through his impulsive blush. “But I can’t interrupt you two any longer. Have a nice rest of your day, you keep the scones now, I can pick up the basket another day.” 

Sirius surprised Remus by speaking up again. “Well, we need to arrange a time to play cards soon. I would be honored to train from someone so skilled in the art of Canasta.” Remus beamed at him; he could tell that Sirius actually meant what he said. 

Minne batted her eyes at him. “Walk me down the drive, will you Remus?”

As he walked with her down the gravel path, she turned towards him. “I like him.”

“I could tell,” Remus said, laughing. “I’m glad. I do too.”

“Hold on to him, Remus. I haven’t seen you this happy since before you lost your parents. You deserve this.” Remus felt his throat tighten with emotion, and he bent down to hug the smaller woman. 

“Thank you,” he said simply, and she patted his arm fondly before departing.

As he walked back up onto the porch, Sirius grinned through a full bite of scone. “I love that woman,” he mumbled. “She’s hilarious, and she makes amazing scones.”

“She’s pretty great,” Remus agreed. “A bit nosy, but I am glad you met her and hit it off.”

“You could have warned me,” Sirius said, with a tilted head, “that I was about to basically meet your grandmother.” Remus smiled.

***

“So,” Remus said. “I think you were in the middle of saying something when Minnie knocked.” They were walking back to the house together, after disassembling the tent and packing it back into its bag, a surprisingly difficult task for the two non-campers to accomplish.

“Oh really?” Sirius asked. “I don’t remember. Must not have been important,” he said airily, then looked back to laugh at Remus’s miffed facial expression. “Oh, maybe I remember now,” he feigned nonchalance. Lacing his fingers with Remus’s, he swung his arm happily, and turned to look Remus in the eye. “Will you be my boyfriend?”

Remus grinned broadly. “Of course, if you’ll be mine.”

***

The rest of the morning and afternoon slipped away easily. They spent some time in the bedroom, of course, but it wasn’t hurried or frantic. Their actions reflected the mutual knowledge that they had all the time in the world together, and they didn’t need to rush now. Sirius helped Remus check on the hives, and even harvested a bit of honey from one together. Now that it was October, it was a bit late to do a full honey harvest, but Remus didn’t mind going to the trouble for a lesser yield, since Sirius’s excitement was enough of a reward. 

A few texts from James were sent to the group chat, asking if either of them “chickened-out” or if they were finally “ready to be fearless parents” to his eventual baby. Sirius and Remus elected to ignore him for a while, since they were distracted by each other. Eventually, Sirius responded that they successfully conquered their fear, but didn’t say anything else about the new developments of the day.

“When do you think we should tell them?” Remus asked. They were sitting on the back porch, their smoke-scented bee suits lying nearby, drinking iced coffees and eating the leftover scones from the morning.

“That you’re mine?” Sirius asked sweetly. Remus couldn’t hold back his broad smile that he knew must have looked positively dopey. “Let’s let them wait for now. Lily tried to keep us apart so they don’t deserve to know the truth yet.”

Remus laughed. “Are you just waiting for her to have the baby so you can fight her?”

Sirius hooked Remus’s pinky finger with his own, copying Remus’s own gesture from the morning. “No, don’t worry. I’m pretty sure she could beat my ass in a fair fight anyway.” Remus gave a little laugh, but it was subdued, as his eyes were focused on their fingers: the small point of contact between them. “We’ll tell them soon.” Sirius’s eyes lit up. “What if we show up to their Halloween party with a couple’s costume?”

“Oh, I haven’t even thought about my costume yet, is that this Friday?” Sirius nodded. “Okay, hm,” Remus pondered. 

“Oh my god, I’ve got it. The perfect costume.” Sirius said excitedly.

“What?”

“Sexy beekeeper and bee.”

“No.”

“Yes. It’s perfect!”

“Wait, which one am I supposed to be?”

“Remus, you are a sexy beekeeper every day of the year, that’s obviously not your costume. You can be the bee, and I’ll be the sexy beekeeper. Do you have any old or ripped bee suits that you wouldn’t mind a couple more tears in?”

“Oh my god,” was all Remus could say, laughing and shaking his head. 

***

It was a little after three in the afternoon when Sirius let slip the fact that he had a paper due the next day, and Remus promptly kicked him out. After pointing out how far he has come for his degree and dream job, Sirius reluctantly agreed to be responsible, but only once Remus promised to visit the campus for lunch the next day.

A few kisses occurred on the couch, and then standing up, and then while Remus was opening the front door, and then while Sirius was pressing Remus against the now-opened door, and then Remus was laughing too hard to keep kissing. “You’re absolutely shameless,” he said, fondly.

“What, you don’t want to put on a show for Minnie?” Sirius joked. 

Shaking his head affectionately, Remus stepped outside. “Go,” he said, “finish your homework, and drive safe, and text me later.”

“I will,” Sirius promised, before pulling Remus into a tight hug. They stood together for a few moments before Remus realized how close he was to not letting him leave, and stepped away. 

After Sirius left, Remus stood on the porch for a few minutes, looking at the horizon. The sun would start to set soon, or at least be obscured by the mountains. The days were getting shorter as autumn progressed, but Remus felt like it was the middle of summer. 

_ And now I see daylight, I only see daylight. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music in this chapter: [“Daylight" by Taylor Swift](https://youtu.be/u9raS7-NisU)


	10. All Hallows' Eve

_ Okay, I’m here,  _ Remus had texted. He was sitting in his truck, parked on the street outside James and Lily’s house. Tonight the couple was hosting a pumpkin carving night, only four days away from their infamous Halloween party. Tonight was also the first time he and Sirius would be around their friends after becoming boyfriends. Normally, Remus probably wouldn’t have liked keeping it a secret, if only for a few days, but somehow with Sirius it seemed exciting, or somehow daring. The benefit of prolonging the inevitable  _ look _ from Lily was merely an extra bonus. 

_ Come to the porch,  _ his phone dinged at him. Remus hefted his pumpkin up with one arm, and grabbed the significantly lighter tote bag and car keys with his other as he stepped out of the truck. It had been a while since he had carved pumpkins at Halloween, and in his excitement he had purchased one of the largest gourds he could find.

The front door of the house opened, and suddenly Sirius was standing there. Remus had seen him just yesterday for lunch, but would be lying if he said he didn’t already miss him. After exchanging platonic greetings, Remus asked “Why did you make me wait in the car after parking?”

Sirius made a dramatic show of looking both directions down the street, and then back at the now-closed door, before pulling Remus in for an open-mouthed kiss. “So I could do that,” he answered smugly, before taking the pumpkin out of Remus’s grip and walking inside. Remus stood on the porch for half a beat, stunned, before following.

Remus was welcomed warmly by James and Lily, and soon enough they were all sitting on the floor in the kitchen, which was covered in newspapers, each with a pumpkin at the ready. 

“All right, in three, two, one…” James called out, hovering over the stopwatch app on his phone. He paused with a big grin, which, when accompanied by the large knife in his right hand, looked slightly maniacal.

“Get on with it!” Sirius prompted, sounding exasperated. “Are you ever going to press start? Oh, I know, you’re just trying to distract me so that-”

“Start!” James cried out, and immediately stabbed into the top of his pumpkin, laughing at Sirius’s predictable complaint.

Remus began carving out the top of his gourd, to then scoop out the middle. Lily had pulled him aside to instruct him, as she often did when James and Sirius had a particularly bizarre ritual, that the pumpkin carving night had two competitions. First, was a race against the clock to fully scoop out the inside of your pumpkin, and second was the overall finished look of the carved pumpkin. The second part was untimed, but as Lily advised, it was more enjoyable if you finished before James or Sirius, because they were prone to offering unsolicited design advice. Remus had laughed through it all, feeling just as at home with the group’s antics as the first time he was here for dinner.

Suddenly, a pumpkin seed hit Remus in the shoulder. He turned his head, a look of indignant surprise on his face, to see Sirius smiling while looking pointedly away, as if the assailing seed came from his direction but not by his hand. Remus picked up a seed to throw back. Sirius caught it, with a quiet smile on his face. After he turned his head to look at both James and Lily, who were focusing intently on their pumpkin-scooping, Sirius raised one hand to his lips to blow a little kiss to Remus.

Remus beamed. He started to mimic the expression, but James looked up as his hand touched his lips, and he turned the gesture into a pensive hand on his chin. Blushing fiercely, he looked back down to his pumpkin, feeling like a student taking a test trying to show the teacher how good he was at not cheating. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Remus could see Sirius silently laughing at him, before James’s voice drew his attention away.

“I’m done!” James announced. “First one done! Sorry Remus, sorry Lily, better luck next time. But SUCK IT, Sirius, my pumpkin-scooping crown is BACK this year.” He crawled across the newspaper-laden floor, trying not to disturb the un-taped pages while also dodging gobs of pumpkin innards. Once he got to Sirius, he grabbed the pumpkin out of the other man’s grasp.

“Give that back, I’m busy!” Sirius protested.

“Not busy enough!” James declared. “You, my friend, are off your game tonight. Very suspicious, very suspicious indeed,” he finished with narrowed eyes that travelled from Sirius to Remus.

Remus silently raised his eyebrows, and Sirius snatched back his almost-finished pumpkin, but James didn’t drop his detective-esque stare until Lily called for him to help her finish scooping. 

“I’ll grab the carving tools!” Lily announced helpfully, as she hauled herself to a standing position. She shot Remus a conspiratorial wink before grabbing and distributing small knives and Sharpie markers amongst the four stations. Remus had watched her hold one small carving knife separate from the rest and carefully place it in front of James’s pumpkin.

After James finished drawing his outline (which no one was allowed to see yet), he carefully inserted the planted knife into the center of his pumpkin. When he made to move the blade down, however, a loud snapping noise shot out. James looked up in surprise, now only holding the hilt of his knife, the blade seemingly still embedded in the squash. “Lilyyyyyy,” he groaned, and the room filled with laughter.

Remus hunkered down to work on his design. He had been told to be creative, and so he had already spent some time thinking about a carving that would be both achievable at his skill level and more interesting than a simple smiley face. His idea was a wolf howling into a moon, with the wolf completely cut out of the pumpkin, and the moon just scraped at the surface, so that it would glow when a candle was lit inside. His result was more of a Pac-Man shaped cut out in front of a less-than-circular blob, but, all things considered, he was pleasantly surprised.

“Let me see your design.” Warm air brushed the back of Remus’s neck as Sirius stood closely behind him. “I like it,” Sirius declared. “It’s very… creative,” he finally settled on.

Remus spun to face him, face arranged into indignant shock. “That was such a teacher comment! You would one hundred percent say that to a kindergarten student when you don’t know what their drawing is. Oh my god,” he shook his head in amusement. Remus turned around to face his pumpkin again, before leaning back into Sirius, the other man lightly wrapping one arm around his waist. 

“Okay, let’s torch them!” James declared, walking onto the porch with Lily’s pumpkin. Lily followed him with four small tea candles and a lighter. “Oh, aren’t we cosy then,” James said, a mischievous glint in his eye, as he noticed Sirius and Remus, who had taken half steps away from each other once he came outside.

“I was trying to see it from Remus’s perspective,” Sirius said guiltily. 

“For that you would have to grow a few inches,” James said, while poking his brother in the ribs. 

James’s suspicion seemed to dissolve as he wrestled with Sirius. Lily took advantage of the lack of attention on the pumpkins to light all four candles without fanfare. Remus suspected that both James and Sirius would have been much more of a liability wielding a lighter than the redhead, and couldn’t help but smile again at the friend group’s dynamics. 

Four pumpkins flickered with light on the porch, and four friends stood to admire them. Lily had carved a witch riding a broomstick, and James had carved a few bats in flight with fangs visible. Sirius’s pumpkin was an incredibly detailed and zoomed-in image of a honeybee. The carved insect had faint scratches in the pumpkin for lines on the wings, granting them an eerie glow, and somehow through the criss-crossing of shapes and barely-intact pieces he had created an outline of carved away space, allowing the entire bee to be surrounded by candle-light.

“I carved James’s worst fear,” Sirius announced gleefully, but stole a few glances at Remus to gauge his reaction. Impressed, Remus smiled at Sirius as the other friends offered their praise while studying the product. 

The win for part two of the pumpkin carving night went unanimously to Sirius. 

***

As Remus said his goodbyes, Sirius stood as well. “I have a reading to do before class tomorrow, so I’ll just walk out with Remus,” Sirius explained. 

Once they finally left the house (ten minutes after the goodbyes first began), Remus was still laughing from the funny story James was wholeheartedly reenacting, as Sirius slipped a warm hand into his, and laced their fingers together.

“Hi,” Sirius said softly.

“Oh, hi,” Remus returned. 

As they got to the truck, Remus looked around for Sirius’s motorcycle. “Where did you park?” he questioned. 

“I don’t have a reading due tomorrow,” Sirius replied with a smirk. “Do you want to go get ice cream or something?”

Remus immediately agreed, and after a moment they were driving away from James and Lily’s house, Sirius in the passenger seat as Remus drove. The truck was manual transmission, so there was really only so much one-handed driving possible, but on the straighter roads Remus would move his right hand from the gear shift to Sirius’s thigh. 

“Do you actually want ice cream?” Remus asked.

“Honestly I think I’m still full from eating all of those chips you brought,” Sirius confessed.

Remus smiled. “Do you… want to spend the night at my place?” he asked with a hopeful glance over to his passenger.

Sirius groaned. “I really do. And I don’t have a reading due tomorrow,  _ but _ , I do have a really early class so I should probably say no. I’m sorry, Rem.”

Remus nodded. “It’s okay,” he assured, inwardly smiling at the nickname. “We can just drive for a bit and I’ll drop you back off at your bike.”

“Or,” Sirius said, lightly tracing the back of Remus’s hand atop his leg. “We could walk around the rose garden for a bit.”

“In the dark?” Remus questioned, with a raised eyebrow.

“In the dark.” Sirius confirmed, grinning.

They made slow loops through the moonlit rose garden, pausing every once in a while to smell a rose, read a funny name, or for Sirius to say something ridiculously sappy like “this one reminds me of you,” which Remus’s heart could barely handle. 

“Hey,” Remus said. “Do you know that you make me really happy?”

“I do?” Sirius smiled, giving his hand a squeeze.

“Yeah,” Remus confirmed. “Even before we became us. When I just met you, and James and Lily too, I felt really happy to be a part of the group. I still feel that way.”

“Well, I’m glad that you are a part of it. You make me happy too,” Sirius replied.

Remus nodded. “I guess what I mean to say is, well.” He paused, trying to assign words to the emotion he suddenly felt. The strong emotion spurred on by walking slowly through an empty rose garden at night  _ in the dark _ while holding hands with his new boyfriend. “I wasn’t in the best place in the year before we met.” 

Sirius smiled sadly, but stayed quiet.

“You know that my parents both died a little over a year ago. I’m still grieving, I know, but I’m in a much better place of acceptance about the whole thing now. Everything happened so fast, I think. Like, my mom was sick and so I moved back in at the farm, and then she got worse and then my dad was sick too, and then suddenly I was arranging consecutive funerals and making decisions I didn’t think I would have to worry about for another thirty years.” 

They had stopped walking, and were now sitting on a stone bench in front of an unplugged fountain. “I’ve always loved the farm, and beekeeping, but I didn’t think it would be my life right now, I guess is what I mean. I started helping out and then I never stopped.”

“Is that what you want?” Sirius asked. “Would you want to change anything about your current life, or your job?”

“I don’t think so?” Remus answered. “Honestly, I haven’t really taken much time to think about it. But I think I’m happy for now with it. And I’m in a good place,” Remus assured. “I’m confident that I was ready for a relationship and everything, mental health-wise. But being with you now, ever since we met really, it’s like my world just got kind of brighter.”

“Like daylight?” Sirius asked.

“Like daylight,” Remus confirmed.

***

On the morning of the Halloween party, Remus woke up slowly. He had purposefully not set an alarm, and the first light of the morning was filtering in through open curtains. Blinking his eyes and yawning, Remus leaned to the side to see Sirius in bed next to him, still asleep. The shorter man had starfished his limbs out at some point in the night, and was occupying much more space on the bed than he really needed. 

Intending to fix this imbalance, Remus nestled in closer to his boyfriend, who, still asleep, reflexively wrapped his arms around him and held him tight. Remus smiled and allowed himself to drift off to sleep once more. 

Eventually, they both woke up together, and a little while later, they left the bed in search of caffeine and breakfast. Sirius’s lack of a shirt while cooking eggs made Remus spill his coffee down the front of his own T-shirt, a calamity Sirius decided to remedy by removing it for him. It was about one minute later when Minerva stopped by to drop off pumpkin-flavored scones, and willfully added to Remus’s embarrassment and blush that he was certain would now be permanently installed on his face by asking, very innocently, of course, why the house smelled like burnt eggs. 

Later, as they donned and appraised their costumes in the mirror, Remus asked Sirius the question he was for some reason nervous to voice. “How do you want to tell James and Lily? Are we just arriving together and not hiding anything?”

Sirius turned to face Remus. It seemed like the other man could detect the difference between when Remus merely needed a conversation partner who could listen and respond, and when Remus needed reassurance and his full attention. “I want them to know,” Sirius said. “And I want to tell them tonight, but I want it to be in whatever way you feel most comfortable. If you don’t want it to be a joke of them finding out, it doesn’t have to be.”

“No, it’s okay. Sorry, I just-” Remus tried to think of what to say. 

Sirius seemed to know what he meant though, and spoke for him. “I’m not trying to hide us from them. I’m so happy to be with you, and I want to show you off to everyone.”

Remus felt himself relax at the words, and he hugged Sirius. Standing there, in front of the bathroom mirror, Sirius took a picture of the two of them. The mirror was a bit streaked, there were random costume-donning materials littered about the counter, and a towel was half-fallen from a hook in the background, but it was perfect.

Sirius took his costume of “sexy-beekeeper” very seriously, and spent an impressive amount of time getting ready after Remus had finished his own Halloween costume. Remus felt slightly stupid in his black jeans, yellow and black striped shirt, plastic antennae headband, and fake wings. He was wearing two pairs of the wearable wings, because when he had commented to Sirius in the costume store that bees have two pairs of wings, not just one as shown in the set, Sirius had insisted on righting the immense wrong by purchasing two sets. Remus sat on his bed, making plans to ditch the antennae after making introductions, and assumed he could part with at least one pair of wings at the party as well.

When Sirius emerged from the bathroom, Remus opened his eyes wide in shock. Sirius had always appeared effortlessly gorgeous, but now, standing in front of Remus in his bedroom, Sirius was incredibly and  _ purposefully _ gorgeous, effort evident in the time he spent, and self-awareness evident in the smirk he appraised Remus with. He had placed significant rips in all the right places on a bee suit that was slightly too tight on him to begin with, and had applied smokey eye makeup which only accentuated his naturally long eyelashes. 

“Wow.” Was all Remus could say.

“Let’s go, my little bee,” Sirius said with a grin. “I want to show you off at the party before I get to  _ keep _ you all night.”

Remus regained his normal brain function after hearing the pun. “That was terrible,” he said with a fond smile. “Also, I think I’m going to be the one showing  _ you _ off, I mean, wow.” He raked his eyes up and down Sirius’s body, smirking when he succeeded in making the other man look a bit flustered. “Be careful,” he added in a low voice. “I sting.”

They dissolved into laughter before finally leaving for the party. Sirius’s lengthy time to get ready had ensured they would be arriving after it already started, but Remus had a feeling that was intentional. He may have only been dating Sirius for one week, but he had a good idea of just how much his boyfriend liked to make an entrance. 

As the two costume-wearing men walked up the drive to James and Lily’s house, Remus felt the familiar tug of social anxiety. The house was loud, even from the front yard, with the noises of both music and voices. Sirius must have noticed Remus’s very slight hesitation, because he laced their fingers together, and leaned over to whisper in his ear.

“I’ve got you, let’s go,” he said.

“Let’s go,” Remus confirmed, feeling better already.

Inside, there were dozens of people walking about, holding cups and food, or dancing towards the left side of the living room. All of them were in well-constructed costumes. Sirius quickly whisked Remus away to meet some of his friends he hadn’t been introduced to yet. Dorcas and Marlene were a nice couple, in matching Elizabethan era dresses with swords at the hip. They were a few years older than the men, and Sirius told Remus how he and Dorcas had bonded over both being the eldest students in one of their psychology classes last year. Apparently, after a few of the freshmen began to jokingly refer to them as “mom” and “dad,” both Sirius and Dorcas exclaimed “gross, I’m gay!” at the same time, and their friendship was forever cemented. 

Remus was introduced to an older man in an Edgar Allan Poe costume. The man’s fake raven perched on his shoulder combined with an eyepatch made him look slightly more like a pirate than the macabre writer, but Alastor (“call me Moody, everyone else does”) played the part by ventriloquizing a repetition of “nevermore” from the bird. 

“Did I ever tell you,” Remus mentioned to Sirius as they turned away, “that I kind of wanted to be a writer?”

“Really?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah, but I don’t think I could pull off the spooky aesthetic as well as Moody did.” They laughed.

Sirius got pulled into a circle of people at a table playing some sort of drinking game, and tried to make space for Remus as well. Shaking his head, Remus signalled that Sirius should play without him. Remus decided to search for a drink for himself.

In the kitchen, Remus was looking over the seemingly endless options of bottles and juices, when Lily’s voice screamed out his name. 

“Oh my GOD, Remus, this is the best costume I’ve seen all night. It is  _ completely _ adorable,” she declared. 

Remus turned to face her, and collapsed into laughter. Lily was dressed as a nun. A pregnant nun. “You,” he laughed, “are probably going to Hell for this.”

“Hey, I saw my chance and I took it,” she defended, hands on her bump. “I already have enough Catholic guilt from my childhood, why not go all out? Oh,” she said suddenly, switching into hostess mode. “Pour yourself anything here to drink, also at the end of the dining table is ‘pregnant person punch’ and ‘I don’t have work tomorrow punch.’ They’re labeled. James made both. Drink the non-pregnant one responsibly because James pours the almost-empty bottles of alcohol from the mixed drinks table in it as the night goes on.”

“Of course he does,” Remus said with a smile. He opted to pour about one shot’s worth of vodka into an orange and black cup and add orange juice. When he looked up from his newly-made drink, James had appeared next to Lily.

“Remus, I love your costume,” James grinned. He was dressed as a jedi, complete with two lightsabers at his belt. 

“And may the force be with you, too,” Remus joked. 

“Yes! He gets it!” James excitedly spoke to Lily.

“James, I think most people know what a jedi looks like,” Lily said amusedly. To Remus, she stage-whispered “he’s had a lot of the non-pregnant punch.”

Missing the interruption, James continued excitedly to Remus, “Marls and Dorcas and I are going to battle later. Although I have to find someone else to join me or get them to drink more first. If you see anyone else with a sword or lightsaber send them my way.”

Remus solemnly agreed to do just that, when Sirius entered the kitchen. Apparently seeing his costume for the first time, both James and Lily widened their eyes in surprise. The latter’s quickly narrowed after, and flicked between Remus and Sirius. Thankfully, James spoke before his girlfriend.

“Oh my god. Oh my god, wow.”

“Darth Potter, pleased to meet you,” Sirius said. “I am a sexy beekeeper.” He took a moment to form a Cheshire cat grin before looping an arm around Remus’s waist. “And this,” he spoke, “is my bee.”

James looked ecstatic. “Lily, it’s happening! Finally! When, what happened, how long, tell me everything,” he prompted, looking at Sirius. 

Remus tried to read Lily’s expression, and decided to speak up to be a bit more direct than Sirius was. “Sirius and I are dating now. We’re boyfriends.”

“Boyfriends!” James echoed. “Finally!” He said again.

“Finally,” Sirius agreed. “Probably would have been a little sooner if someone didn’t try to intervene.” Remus looked at his boyfriend, discomforted but not surprised by his suddenly cold tone. 

“Sirius,” Lily said in an equally chilling but faux-chipper voice. “Would you like to talk outside with me? It’s a little hot in here.”

“I’d love to,” Sirius answered. As the pregnant nun and sexy beekeeper left through the sliding glass door to face each other within the light of the kitchen, Remus was suddenly left alone with James. 

“Uh oh,” James said, in a light but humorless voice. “I think my people are fighting again. Remus, have you tried the punch? I made it myself.”

“Not yet, but now that you mention it, I think I better pour myself a full cup.” 

The kitchen was too loud for them to hear what their partners were saying outside, but Remus could see that their body language was not happy. “Do they do this a lot?” He asked.

“Not really,” James said. “They have a sort of brother and sister relationship, so when they do butt heads it’s a bit dramatic, but they always come back around. I think,” he added, as they watched Sirius throw his hands up and turn away from Lily in exasperation. 

“Yeah,” Remus said slowly.

“But I’m happy for you two. Really. I think you’re great for each other and now we can all hang out even more.” 

“Thanks, James.”

Just then, the song that was playing in the background ended, and the outdoor arguing voices were suddenly audible from inside. 

“I can’t  _ believe _ you.”

“Really? Oh, sorry, for trying to protect my friend.”

“Protect him from what? From me?”

“Yes, you, Sirius! Protect him from you!”

“I can’t believe you still think so highly of me.” A sarcastic sneer accompanied Sirius’s words.

“All I did was point out your previous track record.”

“All you did,” Sirius corrected, “was try to stop two adults who like each other from being together.”

“For however long.”

“What does that even mean, Lily?”

“What it means, is that I don’t believe that you are suddenly going to stay settled down with someone you met recently, and be happy to give up your wild and free bachelor lifestyle!”

A pause followed Lily’s words, almost long enough for James to speak to Remus, but both men were captivated by the argument. The music had picked up again, but they had glued themselves to the glass door to hear.

“Wow. You know, I don’t care that you insulted me, but I can’t believe you would insult Remus like that.” 

Remus raised his eyebrows in shock.

“Sirius, when you get bored, or distracted, or something, that boy is going to be broken-hearted, and whatever fun times we’ve had as a group of friends over the past month will be gone.” 

Remus felt his face fall. Lily’s words were almost an exact opposite of James’s. Where James had assured Remus would be even more a part of their lives as a friend  _ and _ partner of Sirius, Lily seconded Remus’s private fear that becoming Sirius’s plus one would weaken his friendship with James and Lily. 

Through the glass, Remus watched Sirius shrug. “First of all, ‘that boy’ is a twenty-four year-old man. I don’t know what to say to you, aside from the fact that we are all adults. And we can communicate about these things. And so far, it’s been great. I really like him! We’re really good for each other. We talked about our fears. And my family.”

“You talked about your family?” Lily’s tone had switched from antagonizing to surprise. “You’ve never talked about your family to guys you’ve been with.”

“I know. And that kind of scares me, but it’s also really good. And I’m happy. And also both of our boyfriends are listening to us right now.”

Lily gave a little laugh as she turned to the glass, seeing Remus blushing and James studying the ceiling. 

“I still love you, you know,” Lily said. “Don’t do anything to hurt him.”

Sirius groaned. “I wasn’t going to. And I know. And I love you too.”

There was an awkward silence between the four of them as Lily and Sirius walked back inside, and Remus deferred to the three who had known each other longest for the appropriate strategy to end it. Eventually, Sirius and Remus walked into the living room together, and James and Lily stayed in the kitchen, refilling bowls of chips and cleaning small messes.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Remus ventured hesitantly.

“Not really,” Sirius answered. “You heard it all, right?”

“Mostly.”

“Well. Unless you really want to talk about it, I would be honored to receive your hand for this next dance.” 

Remus would have agreed to anything that Sirius had asked with that winning smile, and if it meant jumping up and down surrounded by other people while some god-awful version of a song vaguely resembling the “Monster Mash” played far too loudly, then that was that. Remus felt his anxieties about Lily’s frustration melt away as he spun Sirius in a silly ballroom twirl, and the alcohol in his bloodstream made its presence known. 

After a few more songs, the dance floor was cleared to make way for a battle arena. It was discovered that the swords Marlene and Dorcas wore were a bit more dangerous than plastic lightsabers, so the battle between jedi and Elizabethan princess-pirate was fought one-on-one, with one lightsaber each. Marlene opted to sit out, filming her wife who was “fighting for her honor.”

At the start of the duel, James’s brown skin was flushed pink from alcohol, and Dorcas seemed much more steady on her feet. After James’s first swipe at her missed by a few feet, she took a moment to fluff her Afro nonchalantly, to the delight of the growing crowd. They sparred for a few minutes, plastic sabers clacking together dramatically. Someone, presumably Lily, switched the party music to the Imperial March from Star Wars. 

Remus was reminded of James’s success at drunken air hockey, when he deftly ducked under a strike from Dorcas, and somersaulted towards her, lightsaber extended. The pair worked together to pull off a dramatic fake stab and collapse from Dorcas, complete with croaked final words of “Marlene, avenge me.” The audience roared with laughter, and Remus was once again surprised by how great everyone was. They may be completely ridiculous, but Remus loved bearing witness to all of said ridiculousness.

Marlene jumped up to retrieve her fallen wife. She did an impressive lift to hoist Dorcas up with one arm, and grab her fallen lightsaber with the other. Marlene made a move to duel James while carrying her partner, but Lily intervened. 

“Okay, okay, someone’s going to get hurt. And if you get hurt during drunken lightsaber battles in my house, I’m not administering first aid.” Lily joked, and the duelers put down their weapons. 

From his right side, Remus heard Sirius give a scoff, presumably at Lily “ruining the fun,” but Remus privately agreed with her, even if she did just have an argument about something completely unrelated to safety with his boyfriend. 

The night went on, with plenty of sweets, drinks, jokes, and little affectionate gestures from Sirius that made Remus’s heart soar. Eventually, a small group was left at the house, in varying stages of tiredness, draped over couches and the floor. Remus helped Sirius and James assemble couch beds and prepare bedrooms for those that would be sleeping over. Once everyone was settled, James followed Remus and Sirius back to Sirius’s unofficially assigned bedroom. 

“Good thing you two can bunk together, since so many people are crashing,” James said.

“Yeah, good thing,” Remus laughed, “it’s only for the convenience of the other guests that I’ll share a bed with Sirius.”

“Hey!” Sirius objected. Remus pulled him in for a quick kiss in apology, and James made an audible “aww” sound. 

“This is adorable, you guys are adorable. I’m happy for you,” James said sincerely. 

“Thanks,” Sirius responded. “Hey, Rem, you can take the bathroom first if you want.”

Not missing the look between James and Sirius, and expecting the two brothers to have a conversation with each other about the events of the night, including finding out about Sirius’s relationship with Remus, and Lily’s reaction to that revelation, Remus agreed to take the bathroom, and left the two alone. Exercising a considerable amount of self-restraint, and a considerable need to use the bathroom, Remus didn’t even eavesdrop. 

Later, when Sirius climbed under the covers to join Remus, Remus pulled him close. “Conversation go better with James than it did with Lily?” Remus asked.

Sirius laughed, tucking Remus’s hands up against his chest. “Much better. Goodnight baby.”

Remus smiled against the back of Sirius’s neck, and drifted off happily. 


	11. The Anti Gender Reveal Party Party

“Good morning,” Remus yawned, lightly rubbing Sirius’s arm. Sirius was tucked into Remus’s chest, both laying on their sides with feet tangled together, exactly how they had fallen asleep. Whether it was from the alcohol or just the exhaustion from the party, both men had somehow slept the entire night soundly without stirring. 

Sirius grunted a dissenting noise and burrowed further into Remus’s chest. Since they were already pressed entirely together, all he succeeded in doing was push Remus off of the pillow. 

“We should probably get up at some point, I bet James already has breakfast ready by now,” Remus pointed out.

Sirius mumbled something sleepily, but with a snarky tone that told Remus he was beginning to wake up. It sounded like “eat  _ you _ for breakfast.”    


“Not in James and Lily’s house,” Remus smirked. “Do you have homework today, or do you want to hang out with me at the farm?” He walked two fingers up Sirius’s arm playfully.

At that, Sirius finally sat up from bed. “I can hang out with you. I just have some readings to do, but we could read together in the library.”

“You want to go to the campus library?” Remus questioned, surprised.

“No, your library. At the farm.”

“Oh,” Remus said, smiling. “That can be arranged. And it’s a bit more… convenient, than a  _ public  _ library.” The words had the desired effect, with Sirius fully getting out of bed and stretching his arms. 

“Ugh,” he complained. “Bit of a headache.”

“Too much of the non-pregnant punch?” Remus asked. “I think I could use some coffee and solid food to prevent a hangover for myself too.”

Just then, the door of the bedroom was flung open, revealing James, who suddenly screamed and covered his eyes with his hands. “Are you decent? Oh my god I don’t want to see anything I don’t want to see. Sorry, I should have knocked.”

Sirius snorted. “Yes, James, we’re both naked and defiling your house with taboo sexual acts,” he deadpanned.

At that, James opened his eyes and laughed. “Okay good, you’re wearing clothes. Breakfast is ready and there’s plenty of coffee, also the Advil is in circulation because apparently  _ some people _ didn’t keep to their limits last night.”

“Are you aware of how strong the punch was, James?” Remus rebuked.

“There was a non-alcohol alternative right next to it!” James defended, but laughed anyway. “Breakfast, coffee, Advil,” he repeated, then left the room, door open.

Sirius leaned down to the bed to kiss Remus on the cheek, before moving towards the bathroom. “I’ll see you in the kitchen,” he said. His tone was a bit wary, and Remus suddenly remembered the fight that he had with Lily less than twelve hours ago. Wondering how their next morning would be, and if James’s description of their relationship as brother and sister was accurate, Remus happily realized that he himself could probably retrieve coffee and food without worrying about a confrontation with Lily.

Remus padded into the kitchen, and gleefully poured a mug of coffee and peaked under lids on the stove to find eggs and pancakes waiting for him. He was halfway through his first helping of breakfast when Lily walked into the kitchen, making piles of all of the evidence of last night’s party. Mounds of recycling were assembled by the back door, and Lily was alternating between pouring bowls of chips and pretzels and candy into the trash or into resealable bags, depending on a taste test from her first. Remus noted with amusement that some pieces of the garbage-destined snacks still ended up getting eaten by the judge, even while their companions were discarded. 

Lily took a deep breath before turning to face him. “Remus,” she started, “I want to apologize.”

Remus raised his eyebrows in shock, and reflexively lowered the forkful of pancake that was halfway to his mouth.

“Not for what I said in the car a while ago. That still stands,” she said stubbornly, before softening her face again. “But I’m sorry for speaking poorly of you to Sirius last night, and for hurting your feelings by doing so.”

Remus nodded, remembering her words, and while they were meant for Sirius, a lot of them implied things about himself.

“My argument with Sirius is with him and not you. I didn’t mean to discount your experience or your self-agency. I want you to know that I think you’re great, and that Sirius is lucky to have you.”

“And on that last point, we agree!” Sirius’s voice announced, and Remus turned to see him walking into the kitchen. “Morning Lils,” he said lightly.

“Morning,” she returned sincerely. “Did you sleep all right?”

“I did. Has the baby been keeping you up still, or was last night okay?”

As their friendly and familial conversation continued, Remus realized that James was both right and wrong. The pair seemed to be destined to get along with each other and be there for one another even after a big argument, parts of each other’s lives through thick or thin. But, while Remus didn’t have a sibling from which to base personal judgement, he guessed that James was wrong in that actual siblings would still be tearing each other’s hair out, even if all of the promise of mutual presence in each other’s lives was still there. Either way, Remus was relieved to see them on speaking terms, although noted that neither referenced their fight, nor apologized. 

***

Later that day, Remus and Sirius set themselves up in the farm library, tea and snacks on hand as they read side-by-side, Remus with novels and Sirius with textbooks. Since Sirius seemed to be making genuine progress in his homework, Remus didn’t even distract him the way he couldn’t if they were in the university library until Sirius’s eyes began to gloss over. It was only out of concern for his stress, after all. Just taking a break from studying all day, very responsible indeed. 

And so the day went on. Though Remus tried to not worry about “The Argument,” as he was beginning to call it in his head, he couldn’t help but think about what Lily said. About her not believing Sirius would be able to “settle down” and give up a “wild and free bachelor lifestyle.” Remus knew that he should just talk to Sirius about it instead of letting the words gnaw at him, but something about asking your boyfriend of one week if he is going to stay with you forever or not seems a little… clingy.

One of the tactics that his mom had taught him was to empathize with others if he couldn’t empathize with himself. “Re, sweetie, you need to have more self-compassion,” Hope would say, in response to Remus beating himself up over breaking a vase, or failing a test. “Just pretend you’re giving advice to a friend who is in your situation.”

Remus invented a conversation as Sirius started to type away at his laptop, starting an essay due next week. 

_ What’s got you down, imaginary friend? _

_ Oh, just the fact that one of my mutual friends implied that my boyfriend would either get bored of me or cheat on me maybe. _

_ Have you tried being self-compassionate? _

“Wait, no,” Remus interrupted his thoughts. That would just create an infinite loop. He was reminded of cartoons where a child asks an adult for help, after accidentally setting something on fire, and the adult immediately says “we need an adult!”

_ Do you have any reason to believe that your boyfriend is bored of you or would cheat? _

_ No, we actually already had a specific conversation about cheating being a relationship deal-breaker. _

_ Wow, problem solved then. _

_ Is it? _

_ Isn’t it? If not you could just talk to him again, seeing as that worked last time. _

“Ugh,” Remus made an audible noise of frustration. Either that imaginary friend was a very boring person, or that conversation was just going nowhere.

“Hm?” Sirius asked, eyebrows raised, but still in the middle of typing a quote from his textbook. 

“Oh, nothing,” Remus answered.

“Okay,” Sirius said absentmindedly, before gently taking Remus’s hand and pressing a kiss to his knuckles. 

***

“Hey, you’re worried about something,” Sirius said, as they put the leftovers in the fridge after dinner. “I can see it, bouncing around in your head, behind those beautiful brown eyes.”

Sirius’s winning smile almost gave Remus the courage to brush it off, but he could see the concern in his boyfriend’s posture. “It’s not a big deal, really, but I guess I just keep thinking about what Lily said last night.”

Sirius groaned, and he sat down gracelessly on the couch. “Which part?” he asked.

“Well,” Remus said, matter-of-factly. He felt stupid vocalizing it, but he couldn’t exactly stop the conversation from happening now. “She kind of implied that you would get bored. Of me.”

“Remus,” Sirius whined, taking his hand and fiddling with his fingers.

“I know,” Remus said, “it’s stupid. We haven’t been together very long, and it seems clingy to like ask if you’re going to stay with me forever, because obviously who knows, but I wanted to at least talk about it, since we said we would talk about things like this if they came up-”

“I’ll stay.”

“What?” Remus said, surprised at the interruption.

“I’ll stay,” Sirius repeated. “Remus, I don’t know what is going to happen between us. That’s just how relationships work, though. We can’t see where we will be at some point in the future, because we don’t live in the future. We just have right now, and then eventually right now is a few moments after the last right now, and then you look back and you’ve been in the same spot for a long time. And right now, I want to be with you. And right now a week ago I wanted to be with you. And I think an entire month ago I did too, even though I wasn’t yet. If you worry about the future, I think you lose sight of the right now.”

Remus let the words sink in, and relaxed. “You’re right,” he said. “Right now is really good. And I want it to keep being good, so I’m not going to worry about what happens if it isn’t.”

“Do you know that one Taylor Swift song, ‘New Year’s Day’?” Sirius asked suddenly.

“Wow, um, not where I thought the next right now was going to be,” Remus laughed. “But here we are. Maybe?” 

“The lyrics say ‘don’t read the last page, but I stay.’ It’s like, if your life was a book, you could take a peek at the ending, to see what happens, right? But you shouldn’t, because maybe that will ruin the way you live your life now. Or something, I didn’t write the song. But  _ you _ don’t need to worry about the ending, because right now I’m here, and right now I’m telling you that I’ll stay.”

“I love you.” Remus immediately covered his mouth in shock. He certainly didn’t mean to say the words, they just slipped out. It was way too early to say them, and now Sirius was going to have to make some awkward speech about how he  _ really, really likes _ Remus, and that it’s okay that Remus said it, but he isn’t sure he feels the same way just yet, and oh god, it’s going to be terrible.

Instead, Sirius just gave a little chuckle. The noise pulled Remus’s eyes from behind his hand to Sirius’s face. And his face was warm, smiling bright enough to rival his namesake. “Do you know what I talked to James about last night?” Sirius asked.

Surprised, Remus just shook his head no.

“Well, he was really happy for me. For us, being together. And I told him that I loved you already. And he said he could tell. Remus, I-” he paused, to firmly lace his fingers with Remus’s, and look him directly in the eye. He gave another little chuckle, and turned away for a split second, but then steeled himself, facing Remus again. “I love you, too.” 

Sirius ended up spending the night.

***

***

“All right, do we have everything?” Remus unpacked and repacked the bags they were bringing to James and Lily’s, again, to make sure nothing was missing. Baby clothes, a blanket that Sirius claimed would become his godchild’s favorite, even if it meant hiding any others that appeared to be contenders for the role, and a tiny leather jacket were in one bag, the other held snacks and carefully wrapped desserts, along with an adorable picture book about bees Remus had found. Everything seemed to be ready for the baby shower, except for Sirius. Remus called down the hallway again to his boyfriend.

“Coming!” Sirius’s voice carried down the stairs. In the last two weeks he had been spending more and more nights at the farm with Remus, and his wardrobe had begun to overtake Remus’s. Although it didn’t seem necessary, in Remus’s opinion, as Sirius wore anything that belonged to Remus without asking anyway. Remus wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Okay, I’m ready,” Sirius asserted, after jogging into the kitchen. 

“Is that my jacket?” Remus questioned, knowing it was.

“No. Maybe. You can have it back when it stops smelling like you.”

Remus smiled, then noticed that Sirius was holding something partly behind his back. “Did you get another gift for the baby? You’re already bringing so much.”

Sirius grinned. “No, not for the baby. This is something I got for you.” He handed over the journal to Remus.

It was simple but clearly built to last, a dark leather cover stamped with “RJL” on the front, and thick blank pages inside. “Wow, this is, really-”

“Do you like it?” Sirius interrupted. “It’s a journal,” he explained unnecessarily. “For writing. I thought, well, at the Halloween party, you mentioned that you wanted to be a writer. And so I thought you could start with a journal, to jot down ideas, or plots, or characters. And obviously you’d probably want to type the actual writing on a computer, but maybe the journal would be sort of jumping off place? If you wanted to, but I-”

“I love it,” Remus interrupted. “Thank you. That was really thoughtful of you, especially since I just mentioned it once. It’s perfect,” he announced, running a finger over the stamped cover. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Sirius pulled Remus in for a kiss, but Remus cut it short with laughter. 

“Okay, we have to leave. We’re not showing up late to this baby shower.”  _ Even if you’re still mad at the expectant mother, _ Remus added in his mind. Sirius and Lily had been very cordial with each other since Halloween, but Remus could tell there was still some progress to be made before they were on great terms again. Remus suspected, but wasn’t going to tell anyone, that they were both just embarrassed by how long their animosity had gone on, and needed to simply forgive and forget.

After Remus parked his truck outside James and Lily’s house, he grabbed the bags while Sirius went to the bed of the truck for some reason. When he saw why, Remus bit back a laugh to sternly say “no, definitely not.”

Sirius made puppy-dog eyes at Remus, holding the empty bee box. “Please?”

“You know that’s my weakness,” Remus complained. “Fine, I’m not going to stop you, but I have no part in it.” He began walking up the drive as he finished his sentence, hiding his grin from Sirius. The man was already chaotic enough, without positive reinforcement from Remus.

Remus had time to get inside, greet the expecting parents, and unpack the food, while keeping the gifts hidden, before Sirius made his grand entrance. Remus pulled Lily out of harm’s way, into the corner of the kitchen, while Sirius’s target walked over towards the entry hall. 

“To the lovely expecting parents, from your lovely expecting godfather, my sincerest congratulations. Remus and I wanted to bestow a very symbolic gift, one near and dear to us both, to the little sprog. We wanted to give the baby their first hive of bees!” As Sirius rounded the corner, Remus watched James stop like a deer in headlights, focusing on the cardboard box Sirius held. It was one of the ones that Remus used to catch swarms, and as such it had “WARNING: LIVE BEES” written all over it. Sirius held it in one hand nonchalantly, but as he stepped onto the living room rug, his left foot caught on the end, and he made a very dramatic stumble, almost caught himself, and then fell down, sprawling out onto the floor, catapulting the empty box towards a frozen James. The box bounced off of his legs, before it hit the floor and the lid flew off.

James made a sound close to a scream, but it soon transformed into something between laughter and sobbing, as he realized the box was empty. Remus shook his head, a small smile affixed to his face, and was momentarily shocked to discover that Lily was making the exact same expression beside him.

After the prank, the group of four had some time to finish setting up for the shower before other guests arrived. Lily recruited Remus’s help to hang a homemade banner above the television. He took a second to smirk at Sirius, silently and pointlessly pointing out his height advantage, before he stepped back to read the banner.

“The Anti Gender Reveal Party Party?” He asked Lily, with an incredulous smile.

“Exactly what this is,” she declared defiantly. “Gender reveal parties are stupid, because  the sex of the baby shouldn’t change the way you raise them, and I am not going to be one of those ridiculous parents who buy everything either pink or blue for their child.”

“Anti gender reveal party party,” Remus repeated, trying out the phrase. “I like it.”

“Or just a baby shower, but I do like making my social justice opinions known,” she said slyly. “In any case, James and I already know the sex, and we’ll be happy to tell you later, but it’s not going to be announced by popping a balloon or setting a forest on fire or something insane.”

“Very wise,” Remus joked. 

The shower went well. Other friends of the expecting couple attended, some who Remus had met at Halloween, and there was plenty of food, music, and cheer. While no pranking surpassed Sirius’s gag with the bees, James did pull a few tricks on his coworkers, who, Remus assumed, were both used to and not amused by the antics. If anything, their discomfort only spurred James on.

Remus had several little conversations with James and Lily, most of them getting interrupted by a new guest offering their congratulations. During one of his moments with the expecting mother, she fixed him with an analytical look, leaning back slightly, before nodding to herself and grabbing a chip from a nearby bowl. 

“You’re happy,” she said. It was a statement, not a question, but Remus nodded in agreement.

“I didn’t know you before you met Sirius,” she continued, “but I think he makes you happier than you were before, right?”

Remus nodded again. “I think,” Remus started. “I think you all do. Before I met the three of you, I didn’t exactly have a lot of excitement in my life. Or, I was  _ fine, _ but nothing was really extraordinary. I don’t know. I’m happy.”

Lily beamed. “You should tell Sirius that.”

Remus returned the smile. “I have.”

***

As Sirius and Remus left the party, Remus mulled over his conversation with Lily. She was right, he was happy. And not only because of his new friends, or his boyfriend, but also because he felt acceptance from both. He didn’t pick a side between just friends or just a relationship, he had both, in the best ways. 

“Hey,” Sirius interrupted his thoughts, and linked a pinky finger around his.

“Yeah?” Remus said.

“I talked to Lily. At the baby shower.”

“And?”

“She apologized. Well, we both did. But I think we’re back on good terms. I like her a lot, you know. She’s a good friend, aside from the occasional overprotectiveness of people she loves, which I can understand, I suppose.” He rolled his eyes playfully.

“I’m glad,” Remus said sincerely. He took a second to lean in to kiss his boyfriend softly, in the dimming light of the autumn sunsets that keep getting earlier. A year ago, the coming winter would have felt cold, and the dark would have brought the fears that Remus was yet to conquer. But today, standing on the sidewalk with arms around his boyfriend, he only felt warm. “Are you ready to go home?”

“Yeah,” Sirius nodded, walking towards the truck. “Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music in this chapter: [“New Year's Day" by Taylor Swift](https://youtu.be/KkvTYrFIxNM)


	12. Wedding Bells (Epilogue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 11 ended in November, this chapter begins in June of the following year.

Remus let out a deep exhale as the low buzzing sound washed over him. It was now the start of summer, and the bees were very active as the veiled intruder poked and prodded around their hives. This particular hive was very full, and Remus made a mental note to add another box to it. 

Last weekend, he and Sirius had painted about a dozen bee boxes, getting them ready for the summer. At the end of their painting session, Sirius had dipped his right hand entirely into a bucket of blue paint, and then pressed a handprint onto one of the boxes. Remus had started to fondly chastise him, something along the lines of “exactly the type of behavior that your godson would do,” but Sirius’s winning smile had stopped him, again. Sirius then convinced Remus to do the same, albeit with his left hand, and in a different color. Remus smiled as he dipped his hand into a viscous can of green, and pressed it carefully against the wood of the box. His left pinky crossed with Sirius’s, as if the fingers were linked.

As he opened the last hive of today’s rotations, Remus heard the back porch door slide open. Running footsteps soon followed.

“Re! Baby! Guess what?! Big news!” 

Remus turned to see Sirius bouncing towards him, a huge grin on his face. A face that was not covered with a veil. “Wait, Sirius, bees!” Remus warned.

Sirius was not deterred. “It’s okay, they love me. I got the job! The principal just called me to finalize everything. In the fall I will be Hogwarts Elementary School’s new Kindergarten teacher!”

“Oh my God, that’s amazing!” Remus knew how hard Sirius had worked for this, how he returned to school to finish his degree while simultaneously student teaching and taking lots of teacher preparation tests in the last few months. “I’m so proud of you.”

“I get to decorate my classroom in August. I’m so excited.”

“Sirius, you are going to be an amazing Kindergarten teacher. I’m so proud of you,” Remus repeated.

Remus finished up with the bees, removed his jacket and hood, and made his way back into the farmhouse. In the last few weeks, Sirius had officially moved in, against the judgement of their friends. Remus admitted it was a little early in the relationship, but everything just seemed right. Sirius was already at the house with him most of the time, in favor of the small studio apartment he rented right next to campus. When his lease ended at the end of his final semester of college, the two boyfriends agreed it was time to make the step. 

When James had pulled Remus aside to ask if he was sure it was a good idea, Remus had a response planned, in case Lily had asked the same question. “If I don’t take him in, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind living with you while he looks for housing. It would only be a few months probably. Plus, that way he’d be right there to help with the wedding preparations!” James had quickly backed down, suddenly offering his full support for Sirius’s move to the farmhouse.

“Congratulations again, Sirius,” Remus said as he joined his boyfriend in the kitchen. “You deserve this, so I’m not surprised, but that doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate.”

“Thanks baby,” Sirius smiled. “Hogwarts is in Harry’s district. What if I’m his teacher one day? Also it’s a pretty direct drive from your house.”

“I imagine you would be, in about five years, and I’m sure you’ll make plenty of chaos with him as your student.” Remus said. “But, hey, this is your house too, remember?”

“Yeah,” Sirius said, though with a furrowed brow.

“Hey,” Remus said again. “Just because you don’t pay me rent doesn’t mean you don’t live here- WHICH you don’t have to do anyway, because the house was paid off a long time ago.” He raised his voice at the end, proactively cutting off Sirius’s insistence that he should pay rent, so far the only argument that the couple had had after the move-in. “Sirius, you make this house a home. I’m so glad you live here, and you can call it your house too.”

“Okay,” Sirius agreed, with a small smile. After a beat, the smile turned devious, and he leaned in to kiss Remus’s jaw while whispering. “Did you say something about celebrating?”

Remus grinned. “Well, I was thinking of taking a shower first, so I don’t smell like smoke all day, and we can celebrate however you want afterwards. Although,” he smirked, “you could join me in the shower. If you wanted.”

“Yes. Definitely.” Sirius all but dragged Remus down the hallway.

***

“Well. This is the dress,” Lily said flatly. She had seemed fine in the car, but since entering the shop for her wedding dress fitting, her words had all become clipped, or even cold.

“Lily, it,  _ you _ ,” Remus corrected, “look beautiful.” The wedding gown had a long train, and if you stared at the pattern long enough, tiny white flowers made up the body of the dress. 

“Well,” Lily said again, looking at herself with a neutral expression in the mirror. “Hair and makeup will be different, but shoes are the same. Do you think it’s the right length?”

Remus had no way of knowing if the dress was the right length, having never attended a wedding dress fitting appointment, nor having taken a very close look at the few white dresses he had been able to see in action at family weddings over the years. “I think it looks great. Does it feel good?”

Lily sighed, and slumped her shoulders. “I’m sorry for dragging you here, I just. Why is it that family always manages to disappoint you, even when you’re expecting it? Like, it’s not like this snuck up on me. They’ve always been awful about James, and then about me being pregnant, and even with Harry.” Tears started to well in her eyes.

“Lily,” Remus began, trying to console her.

“No, I’m fine, I’m-” She began, then cut herself off with a laugh. “I’m not going to cry while standing on this box in my wedding dress, that’s for damn sure. Have you had lunch yet?”

Thirty minutes later, Remus and Lily faced each other over a big plate of nachos atop a small glass bistro table. 

“Mom and Petunia were supposed to come with me to the fitting,” Lily explained. “But Mom texted this morning to say that they weren’t. No explanation. But a few minutes later, Petunia texted, racist explanation rant included. Fucking bitch.”

“I’m so sorry Lily.” Remus felt out of place with the wedding gown decisions, but he knew how to comfort a friend. “I may not have much experience with weddings, but at least you’re still marrying the same person, right? And Sirius and I will be there, and Alice, and lots of other people who are close to you. Who love you.”

Lily smiled sadly. “Thank you, Remus. I’m just being dramatic about everything.”

“No, you’re not,” Remus said firmly. “You have every right to be upset. But you also have reasons to believe that it’ll be okay.”

Lily nodded. “I wonder how things are going at the tux shop.” 

Remus laughed. “If I had to make a guess, I would say chaotic. But fun.” 

The engaged couple had planned their tuxedo and dress fittings for the same day. Where Lily was supposed to be accompanied by her mother and sister, who was her maid of honor, James was accompanied by Sirius and Harry. All three were getting tuxedos for the big day, as Sirius was the best man, and baby Harry was the ring bearer. Since baby Harry was only six months old, Remus held the esteemed title “Ring Bearer Bearer,” and would be carrying the little lad up to his parents to present the rings. 

“Everything is going to be fine,” Lily said, through a mouthful of nachos. “I don’t need a maid of honor to get married. And I was already going to be walking down the aisle alone, so no worries there.”

“Yeah,” Remus agreed. “Everything is going to be fine.”

***

“Okay, this is fine, this is fine, James is getting married today, can’t find my watch, this is fine, oh there it is, fine, I have found my watch, putting on my watch, everything is fine-”

“Sirius,” Remus interrupted, small smile growing. “It’s gonna be fine.” Remus hadn’t expected Sirius to be so worked up over the wedding this afternoon, but found it rather adorable. He was so glad that Sirius and James had each other in their lives, and that Sirius had been able to grow away from his oppressive family because of James. 

“Don’t tease me, this is a big day. I’m giving a speech!” Sirius protested.

“And you love attention, and you practiced it a hundred times, so it’s going to be great,” Remus said placatingly. “I’ll be back in thirty minutes, will you have worn a hole in the carpet by then?”

“What does that mean?” Sirius sounded genuinely confused. Remus loved all of the little “genuine” faces that Sirius made. The man was so expressive and such a social chameleon, that his face often just fit the mood, or was worn like a mask, but around James and Lily, and especially when alone with Remus, his faces were natural. 

Remus pulled him in for a searing kiss. “Because I could,” he smirked as Sirius spluttered, asking what the occasion was for such a display. “It means don’t pace so much that you wear out the carpet. I’ll be back soon with Harry. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

When Remus returned, Sirius was in his tux, and Remus momentarily wished he didn’t have a baby in his arms. “You,” he said, “are keeping that on until we get home tonight-”

“Oh?” Sirius asked, eyebrows raised. “You like it?”

“And then I’m going to take it off,” Remus finished seriously. 

Sirius just grinned. An hour later, Remus and Harry were alone at the farmhouse. James had picked up Sirius to go to the venue early, and for the two to calm each other down. James was practically bouncing with excitement in the seat of the car. 

“Well, I guess it’s just me and you now, little man,” Remus said, looking into Harry’s wide green eyes. “What should we do to pass the time?” The infant promptly fell asleep. “Works for me,” Remus whispered, and opened a book with one hand. 

At this time, Effie Potter and Lily should have arrived at the venue, and would be getting ready in the back, and Sirius and James should be arriving soon to either calm each other down or freak each other out. Remus was waiting to put his suit on until just before leaving, in order to decrease the odds of Harry spitting up on it. Harry’s tuxedo would be put on even later than that, only once they arrived at the venue. Monty Potter was in charge of the little tyke’s wardrobe change. Remus liked James’s parents, and especially liked how much Sirius liked them. He knew he was in a little found family unit with his friends and boyfriend, but moments like the big wedding day, with excitement and moving pieces and pressure, highlighted how much  _ love _ and support there was between everyone.

***

“Good luck charm from someone special!” Remus called against the oak door. 

“Come in, come in!” Lily’s voice responded.

Remus ushered a tuxedo-clad Harry inside the room, and Lily cooed. 

“Absolutely precious,” she said. “And you look great, Remus.”

Remus laughed. “Thank you, Lily. You’re a stunning bride.” Lily smiled at the compliment, but her attention was largely focused on her son. 

“I want to hold him so bad but I promised Effie I wouldn’t until after the ceremony. It would probably put a bit of a damper on things if the dress became stained in the next half hour.”

“Probably,” Remus conceded. 

“I didn’t tell Effie I wouldn’t give him a little tickle though.” She proceeded to fawn over Harry, much to the baby’s delight. A knock on the door was barely heard over his giggles.

“Come in,” Lily called. The door opened slowly, and when Lily looked up, Remus saw the surprise on her face. “Mom,” she said cautiously.

“I’m so sorry sweetie,” a woman’s voice said. “It’s just me, but I want to be here for you. There’s nowhere else I want to be during my baby girl’s wedding day. If you’ll have me.”

“Remus, can you give us a moment?” Lily asked, and Remus quickly departed. He didn’t eavesdrop, but when he looked back in to softly shut the door, Lily had wrapped her arms tightly around her mother.

***

Remus took his seat as the music began playing. Harry was quietly attentive in his arms, green eyes taking in everything around him. The wedding wasn’t large, but there were plenty of new faces for him to stare at.

A wall of glass was to the front of the chairs. Lush forest and a dark blue lake dominated the view, but Remus was a little distracted by the view preceding the window. Sirius looked stoically handsome in his gray-accented tuxedo, complementing but not quite matching James’s all black one. The two men were smiling, James looking down the aisle past Remus, Sirius looking right at Remus. 

Remus turned in his seat to watch Lily gracefully walk down the aisle. She slowed by Remus to give Harry a little wave, but didn’t stop until she reached the front of the room. She turned to one side to nod, and reach out a hand, and her mother stood from her seat to join her at her side. The older woman looked as if she had spent quite a bit of time crying off and reapplying eye makeup, and the scene of Lily squeezing her hand made a few people in the audience reach for tissues.

Lily turned to face James, and the couple grinned at each other. The ceremony was short, their vows were perfect, and Harry didn’t cry once. The crowd beamed when Harry (and Remus) bore the rings, and James took a moment to fawn over his son. Soon enough, James and Lily were officially husband and wife, and the party moved into a bigger room with tables set for the reception meal. 

Remus and Harry sat with James’s parents, while the wedding party was stationed at the front of the room. After everyone had started their meals, Remus heard a familiar voice broadcasted over the audio system. 

“Well, I am a teacher, but I’m not going to stop you from eating while I talk,” Sirius started. “I would like to give a short best man speech for the new couple.” He was standing at his table, champagne glass in one hand, and microphone in the other.

“First of all, Lily, it’s not too late. We can run away together, just you and me, and Harry of course. We’ll tell people that he just spends a lot of time in the sun, and his pale parents use a lot of sunscreen for themselves but not their six month-old.” A few laughs went around the room, and Remus smiled as he saw his boyfriend begin to get comfortable. He bounced baby Harry on his knee-- the tyke was currently fascinated with Remus’s tie, and the act of grabbing it.

“No, don’t worry James, I’m only kidding. You see, everyone, I made a promise to Jamie, an entire seven years ago. The promise was this: ‘I solemnly swear,’ and yes, he used those exact words,” a laugh went around the room, and Remus found himself leaning forward to listen. Sirius hadn’t let Remus hear his practice-runs of his speech, and this was sounding like the start of a story he hadn’t heard yet. “I had to tell him ‘I solemnly swear to not ask out Lily Evans.’ That was the second draft, though, because at first it was ‘I solemnly swear to not ask out that beautiful red-haired girl.’ Never mind the fact that she wasn’t exactly my type. I’m more into brunettes.” The audience that knew Sirius well laughed heartily, but a few of the Potters’ friends and extended family looked confused by the joke. Sirius didn’t seem to notice, his eyes were locked on Remus.

“I first met James when I walked into what I thought was  _ my _ dorm room but was shocked to find out was  _ our _ dorm room.” Sirius paused to shake his head at the memory. “And he quickly became my best friend, and one of the most important people in my life. 

“A year later, Lily Evans became one of the most important people in my life, too. ‘Found family’ perfectly describes the group of people that James and Lily have surrounded themselves with, and I am lucky to be one of those people. And now, with baby Harry, my godson,” Sirius stopped for a moment to grin at Harry in Remus’s arms, “and with officially tying the knot today, they are a perfect family in every way.

“The love and the joy that Harry James Potter knows and will continue to know is testament to the love and bond that James and Lily share. Only months before Harry was due, the couple was conquering their deepest and darkest fears, out of love for their child. To be able to raise Harry in a world of bees and snakes, and the dark, and be curious and excited and  _ happy _ , is something that James and Lily worked hard for. Plus, during that time, one of them was reduced to a hormonal and emotional wreck from the impending due date, and the other one was pregnant!” The audience laughed heartily, and at the table in the front of the room, Lily was giving James a side-eye appraisal that said  _ he’s right _ . James was holding her hand, alternating between watching Sirius and studying the bands on his and his now-wife’s fingers.

“To James and Lily, I love you both so very much, and am honored to celebrate your wedding with you today. Keep being yourselves.” At this last sentence, Sirius’s words were beginning to get choked up, and Remus could tell his boyfriend had been glassy-eyed for much of the ceremony already. 

Remus pushed his chair back and stood, holding Harry in one arm, and raising a glass of champagne with the other. “To James and Lily,” he repeated. The room echoed him shortly, and soon the music had resumed and the conversations had picked back up again. 

“I’m proud of that boy,” Remus heard Effie whisper to her husband, while surreptitiously retrieving (yet another) tissue from her purse.

Remus looked up at Sirius, who was now in a tight embrace with the bride, and was about to walk over with Harry, when Monty interrupted his thoughts. “Remus, let me have my grandson for a while now, you’ve had him the entire ceremony and I know he gets heavier the longer you hold him.” Remus smiled and acquiesced, handing the six-month old to Fleamont.

***

“Did you like my speech?” Sirius asked.

“It was perfect,” Remus grinned. “You were perfect.”

“I almost got a little distracted you know,” Sirius confided, and Remus raised his eyebrows silently. “Because you look insanely adorable holding Harry.” 

As the newlywed couple made their way to the dance floor, the music once again changed. Their first dance song was something orchestral and soft, but it looked like it had a complicated pattern to it. James and Lily’s feet moved in synchronous steps and movements, and Remus suddenly realized that James may not have been joking when he said he and Lily were taking dance classes. A twist here, a twirl there, even a couple of lifts were thrown in, and soon the entire crowd was silently watching. 

Only because their movements were so perfect before did the crowd immediately realize the mistake when Lily rolled an ankle in her heels after spinning with James. Her husband quickly caught her, but as they resumed they both seemed less confident in their steps. Suddenly, they were both holding back laughter as they half-heartedly followed their practiced movements, and whole-heartedly tried to trip each other, or throw the other off-rhythm. Lily twirled James a few times, who had to duck, grinning, to fit under her arm, and when the song ended, the couple was just standing close in the center of the floor. The audience erupted into cheers, and soon Sirius was dragging Remus out to the floor.

Remus spent plenty of time on the dance floor or watching nearby. He danced with Sirius of course, but was soon dancing with Lily and later Minnie, who Sirius had insisted be invited. Sirius danced with Effie Potter, Minnie, and of course James. Remus was standing near the dance floor talking with Lily, when they both stopped to watch James approach Lily’s mom, and ask for her hand. To their surprise, the older woman hugged him, and they went out to the floor together. Harry spent a good amount of time on the dance floor, getting passed amongst the many adults who he would come to know and love, for all of the rest of their lives. 

Sirius and Remus were dancing slowly together, later, when the song changed to something more fast-paced. Sirius grunted a noise of dissent and maintained their slow pace, bodies pressed together. 

“Hey,” Remus interrupted. “Do you know how to waltz?”

Sirius beamed. “I’m lead,” he said, as he laced his right hand with Remus’s left, and pressed his left hand against Remus’s back. 

As they started to perform the steps, Sirius was humming to keep them in time. The faster song playing from the speakers was fully drowned out when Remus started to quietly sing along to the steps. “What do you get when you take Godzilla,”  _ step step pause,  _ “to the mall?” The couple was in their own little world; neither man realized when James snapped a few pictures of them, and they were much too far away to hear Euphemia Potter whisper to Fleamont, “I’m so glad both of our boys are happy.”

Much later, the wedding was over, and everyone was going home. Lily and James were going to a one night honeymoon at a nearby bed and breakfast, and their son was going with his grandparents, unafraid of snakes and bees. 

Sirius and Remus walked hand-in-hand to Remus’s truck. Remus’s suit had stayed remarkably clean, given how much time he spent with a baby in his arms, but Sirius’s tux had been stained by a fistful of cake that Harry kindly applied to the collar. It was no matter, Remus thought, as he would be helping Sirius out of it soon enough.

“What are you thinking about?” Sirius prompted.

“You,” Remus replied honestly.

Sirius laughed, squeezing Remus’s hand three times. “Anything else?”

“Yeah, actually,” Remus said. “I’ve been thinking about my book a bit today, during the wedding.”

“Oh, yeah?” Sirius asked. His boyfriend was genuinely interested in Remus’s writing, and had quickly become Remus’s number one fan, supplying both motivation and praise. “What part of the book?”

Remus stopped walking to smile at Sirius. He pulled him in for a slow and leisurely kiss, before finally pulling back to answer his question. “I think I want it to have a happier ending.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on Tumblr! Here is a link: [@halictus-writer](https://halictus-writer.tumblr.com)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. I would like to write more within this little world, so I have created the Beekeeping series, in which this story is part one. Feel free to subscribe to the series if you are interested in seeing a part two! I'm not yet sure when a part two will be posted, or what it will look like, but I'm excited by the many possibilities!


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